Friday, December 26, 2008

People I Strongly Dislike: The Washington Wizards.

Okay, that's enough. I've had it. I am officially renouncing my fandom.

Last night was a microcosm of the dread that is being a Wizards fan. The team is next to last in the league. They had lost 7 straight. They lead the Cleveland Cavs by 7 on the road with less than 2 mins to go. They never scored again. They lost the game.

After more than a decade, thousands of dollars spent in tickets, infinite hours watching, talking about, and thinking about the team, I am formally stepping off the Washington Wizards bandwagon. Not that I had much company...

I know some of you consider dumping your team an act of sacrilege. Well tell the troof and shame the devil. Or however that cliche goes. I'm done.

Done with watching an organization that wouldn't know a good personnel move if it popped them in the face with an inbounds pass.

Done with watching a team full of overpaid imbeciles, completely oblivious to their glaring weaknesses.

Done with caring about a "shooting guard" who shoots barely 30% from the field, but has the gall to do that ignoramus assed "I can't feel my face" gesture when he finally swishes a meaningless 18 footer with his team trailing by 20 late in the 4th quarter. And get a damn shave and haircut while you're at it.

Done with caring about a "power forward" whose next strong move to the basket will be his first.

Done with yelling at a team that can't rotate on "D" and stop leaving 3 point shooters open like it's going out of style. I call that play, which seemingly happens every 4th time downcourt, a "Wizards Special".

Done with caring about a supposedly "Tuff" swingman who couldn't D up if his massive paycheck depended on it.

Done with caring about a monstrously overpaid "point guard" who can't stay healthy, but spends more time blogging than I do.

Done with cheering for a man-child big man who won't hit the boards, but seems to hit every club in town. And you get a haircut too while you're at it.

Done with caring about a two-headed center combo that won't box out for a rebound, but seem to always be boxing each other, literally, in practice. When they're not writing lousy "poetry" of course.

Done with caring about a carousel of coaches who still can't get the excessively basic concept of defending the pick and roll explained to a group of college dropouts (and never wents).

Done with going to games, paying $7 for a Budweiser, and sitting amongst "fans" who spend more time watching each other and the Jumbotron than the actual game. It wouldn't hurt you folks to boo sometimes. Yes, even when, especially when, the home team is the object of your scorn.

Done with cheering on a bunch of losers, and feeling like a loser by proxy.

Done with caring. Period.

Holla back when you win two in a row. Or don't.

Question: Am I committing an act of sacrilege by abandoning my team, or am I fully justified in no longer cheering for this merry band of losers?

20 AverageComments™:

Charles said...

Please provide some concrete evidence of your assertions...


A team is the people, not the city or the uniforms. Find a new team, you can always come back.

chuck-a-luck said...

I feel your disgust. I have been a fan of this team since they first came to DC in 73. This is the end of actually caring. I too sat and watched that abysmal (sp?) finish, fooled for the last time they may turn it around and win a stinking game. I can't takes no mo' With 1:30 left, I actually thought, ahhhhh! I'm done!

Anonymous said...

The Wizards are just a bad, bad franchise. At least you don't have to root for the Lions, Browns or Bengals but you do have the sorry Skins!

At least the Hoyas are good!

Missy said...

I have no comment n this team or sports in general but HAD to stop by and say "something". So, Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah...all that!

MissJay said...

You are justified. Good luck finding a new team.

Minnie said...

Ugh. I used to be a Knicks fan, I completely understand.

Kirby said...

I swear I was watching this game and laughing to myself because I knew that you were gonna be pissed and hit us with your thoughts. This post was def. a sister Odell moment for me. It's still early in the season, hold out and see what happens.

SideBar- Etan Thomas is probably the worst spoken word artist in the history of the NBA. LOL

ebonygentleman said...

Man, AB...tell us how you really feel. :^)

Trashy seasons happen to all teams. Just take a break from following the Wiz until they decide to shape up. Go to and put in some All Star votes. February isn't that far off.

Look on the bright side, College Hoops is going strong and it's almost time for the rivalry games to start. Duke-UNC is going to be a hot one this year.

Oh, and Happy New Year!


AverageBro said...

Thanks for the words of support. Making this sorta of life-altering decision is difficult, but I'm moving forward as planned.

Funny thing is, I wrote this post a week or so ago after I went to that Pacers game (featured in photo) and watched them get smashed to a 7-win team in their own gym. I scheduled it to run today, and got a little nervous last night when it looked like they would win. Then I realized, this is the friggin' Wizards, of course they'll find a way to lose. And they did.

So, to formalize the divorce, the team's games are off my Tivo season pass. I am removing all bobbleheads from my office when I return to work. Needless to say, I won't be re-upping on my 6-game ticket plan anytime soon. The ties are severed.

I am going to adopt another NBA team (like the Grizzlies, who are pretty exciting with low expectations) and try to get into Georgetown bball more (they're sorta boring though). And there's always my Tarheels, who look like a shoe-in for the Final Four. I'll survive.

Thanks again, folks.

AverageSisterInLaw said...

Halleluiah! Please reach back and drag AverageOlderBrother off the wagon too!

Anonymous said...

How many of the Wizards b-ball players graduated from college. (or went to class when they were in college) Just wondering....

Kirby said...

LOL @ AverageSisterInLaw's constantly hating on the brutha's(has anyone else sat throw that lame ass BET show with the family of brothers who can't sing)fandom. My father and uncle's passing down the tradition of Cubbie Nation and Bears alliagance is one of the greatest gifts they've ever giving me. My mother took solace in the fact that no matter how worrysome we were during the week that she would at least have three hours of peace and quiet to herself on Sundays

Huntdaddy said...


You know I love you bro (in a manly, blogging type of way) but I have to call it as I see it.....and that is, you are being a punk ass fan.

Real fans stick by their teams in the best and worst of times. You bandwagon fans are the up and take the losses like a real one....

And before you get mad at me and retort with an angry rant....remember this my man, I AM A DETROIT LIONS FAN and despite their 0-15 record, I still rock my Barry Sanders jersey. But then again, I'm a real man!

Anonymiss said...

I don't follow basketball anymore but this was a hilarious post nonetheless.

the uppity negro said...

Seeing as how I really don't comment on the sports posts, but I do read 'em, I know your justified in ur disgust, but honestly, you sounded like you were hatin' in this post on each player.

But, it's's ur perogative (sp?)

ebw-educated black woman said...

Wow AB, in the words of Saphyri from FOL..."You mad, huh"?

MissJay said...


I watced some of those episodes. That whole family got issues. They got felons (don't know if he's really a felon), alcoholics, some addicted to tatts they a trip. I thought Keyshia Cole's family was bad.

Ciara said...

You knowI had to say something AB...I watched that game yesterday. I didn't recognize half of your team.

I don't think you're giving up your squad completely, you are just going on a losing-sanctioned vacation. I understand that when the Eagles were wack, I was MIA for a while but I still rooted for them in the cut. The Wiz will get it turned around, every team goes through this (ask the Hawks)

LOL @ you going at Stevenson like that. I don't blame LeBron going at him like he did...dude is a punk. s

AverageBro said...

@ Charles

Not really sure what you mean by "evidence".

@ Chuck-luck

Thanks for feeling the pain.

@ Kirby

I probably shouldn't have pulled Etan into this. Bad poetry or not, he's a genuinely nice guy (got to meet him once during a season ticket fan event) and an anomaly in the world of sports because he's actually knowledgable about something other than basketball. That said, he needs to work on his post moves and forget this poetry slam crap.

@ Anon6:55

The Wiz have 2-3 guys who skipped college, 5-6 who left early, and 2-3 who actually graduated/finished.

@ HuntDaddy

I'll ignore the subliminal jabs at my manhood there. You're a Lions fan, so yeah, I know you're hurting. 0-16 is going to be a hard pill to swallow. At least the Wiz will get Blake Griffin for all their troubles.

@ Uppity

Definitely hatin' on EACH player. That's sorta the point.

@ Ciara

Realistically, The Wiz can rebound next year if they get a high lottery pick, the kids continue to mature, and Arenas and Haywood return healthy. Too bad I won't be around to see it.

Anonymous said...

Did you see this?

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.