Wednesday, November 19, 2008 GuestPost: CJames Returns!!!

[Editor's Note: A few months back, my old college roommate and bestest bud CJames dropped a post about black folks and baseball. I'll admit, CJames is my boy, and I was busy when he sent me the post, so I didn't really read it for quality control. Needless to say, if you were here, you know CJames snide remark about black women at baseball games setoff a firestorm on the boards, leading to a post which set the then-single-day record for comments. Since I'm all about redemption (and ad-revenue), I decided to let CJames return to kick some more k-nowledge and clear his name. Or not. Enjoy.]

Ladies, let’s be honest.

Everyone here has heard the disheartening story of black men. Whether it be stories of absentee fathers, to overcrowded prisons, to the inadequate education of the black man, to the conspiracy to eliminate the black man, to the black man’s fidelity issues, we all know the stories. But one aspect of our community that doesn’t get much attention, until today, is this abhorrent female illusions that plague some of my sisters. “Lies” is what I call it. This problem persists in women of all socio-economic backgrounds and education.

In relationships with men, women come to the table with these lies firmly rooted. Here’s the biggest lie of all time. When you ask a woman what they look for in a man, they start with honesty, commitment, respect, or whatever words you want. This is a lie. And the way I know this is a lie is because there’s plenty of 5-foot-2 inch brothas out there would treat you with honesty, commitment, blah, blah, blah, but you don’t even look at him. Tell the truth and shame the devil, please. If Jermaine Dupree wasn’t Jermaine Dupree but Herman Sturdivant working at the cleaners down the street you wouldn’t talk to that mickie fickie. You would never know if he was honest because, honestly, you don’t care.

The corollary to that lie is “I want a man on my level”. LEVEL!?! What the (bleep) is that? That translates into I need a man who makes X amount. With that statement, I can already hear the conundrum that is the female brain already cooking up more lies. Many of you are saying, “No, you’re not right. Somebody on my level means somebody who I can have a conversation with, who stimulates me intellectually.” RIGHT! That kind of guy just happens to be a lawyer or whatever level you think you’re on. Bollocks!

These lies begin the illusion when women begin to “see” things in a relationship that aren’t there. Your seemingly good man is really not all that good of a guy. The most grotesque manifestation of this illusion is with battered women. They believe these lies and make the guy seem much better that he really is. But it starts with the two lies (and there are other) that were mentioned above. But there are several more subtle ways that this illusion occurs. He may not be doing his share of the house work. Or he may not be taking care of the kids the way he should, or he may not be as romantic as he once was. Because of the lies rooted in your mind, you failed to see the signals that your man had been giving way before you noticed the problem.

Here’s a hint ladies, men don’t really change that much. You have to be observant to the signs. Here’s an example, if a guy you are talking to always seems to do romantic gestures, talk to his friends. His friends will let you know if that’s truly him or something he’s doing to get more booty. In casual conversation if you say ,”Calvin always cooks for me, he’s quite the chef” and then his friends look confused……tell tale sign he’s doing something for the booty.

Then the next phase of this illusion, if untreated, you begin to want to wear the pants in the family. Chris Rock mentions that some women don’t want to give up the big piece of chicken. These are merely metaphors for knowing your place. Many women have this illusion that your place is in the front. Trying to lead the house hold and you can’t. And the reason for all of this goes back to the initial lie because this man is not what you wanted.

So let me help you out ladies. Do you know what men want? We want truth in advertising. Do you want to know why hoochie chicks get a lot of attention? It’s not because we get to preview the goods, it’s more that we respect that they are letting us know up front what they are about.

Question: Is CJames out of his d*mn mind or does the brother make some valid points?

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