Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Does Bristol Palin Have Jungle Fever?!?

Ok, I know the term "Jungle Fever" is sooo 92', and I also know I promised I wasn't talking politricks all week. I don't technically consider this politricks though, so the fast continues. Nope, this ain't politricks, this is just plain ole' Arctic Negro Nonsense.

First, let's dispel a long-held myth. My Day Job's taken me to some pretty remote corners of this country, including The Dakotas, Kansas, Utah, and West Virgina. Blacks folks may not always be plentiful, but we are everywhere in this country. My Grandaddy always said if you're driving through a town for the first time and want to locate the black folks, just roll by the courthouse and the health department. And wouldn't you know it, bassackwards as that sh*t might sound, it works every freakin' time without fail. So, let's not deny the legitimacy of this video because we're tied up on some archaic stereotypes.[1]

And yes, there are indeed real, living, breathing Negroes in Alaska. You couldn't have paid me to believe this before I went to my Negro College HBCU, but lo and behold, the day I checked in, one of the first dudes I met was a hallmate from Anchorage. His sister came to the school a year later, so that's a guaranteed two. Add in former Dukies Carlos Boozer and the black-ish Trajan Langdon and that's four. I'm assuming these folks all had parents, so we're nearing the teens now. The World's Most Accurate Encyclopedia doesn't have any exact count or percentage of blacks in Alaska, except to say that there's a sizable population between Anchorage and Juneau. The state's only 600,000 large, so certainly aren't as many of us as say, your average tenement in North Philly, but still we're there.

Besides, what reason does this cat have to make up a story about impregnating someone? When's the last time your heard a black dude claim a baby that someone else says isn't his? That's some Anna Nicole crap right there. Levi might be down for the shotgun wedding, but brothers don't usually get down like that, as anyone who's peeped an episode of Maury would know.[2]

Then again, young Kevin doesn't even know how to pronounce the girl's last name so this might be some sorta scam for attention? And with the astounding rate of STD's in Alaska, you'd think these morons would strap up every now and then. I guess we'll all find out in a very special Gubernatorial episode[3] of Maury sometime this winter. If that baby comes out with dark ears...

Question: Do you think this "Kevin" dude is full of crap or could he actually be Bristol's Baby Pops? Why would some kid make up such a far fetched story? Are there any parts of the US that you personally know have no real, living, breathing Negroes? Assuming you're unemployed, is there any better daytime entertainment than Maury's paternity episodes?

Meet The 'Real' 'Father' of Bristol Palin's Holy Baby [Gawker]

[1] Yeah, I know. I should re-read my own paragraph. I know, I know.

[2] Yes, I just needed any excuse to post a bunch of gratuitous Maury clips.

[3] Cause her mama is headed right back to Wasilla come November.

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