Monday, May 26, 2008

The Cool(est) Thing About Being A White Guy...

...well, besides the fact that white guys own everything, one other unfadeable advantage of being white is the ability to get away scot free with sh*t black folks get hemmed-up over.

  • A white dude who talks greasy is "bold" and "fearless". A negro does the same thing and somebody's callin' security.

  • Wynona Rider boosts $5,000 worth of stuff from Saks, calls the whole thing a "gross misunderstanding" and walks. I'd like to see Gabrielle Union try to pull that stunt.

  • Roger Clemens juices up by day, and chases teenage skirts by night. Nobody noticed because they were all up Barry Bonds a$$.

  • Elvis Pressley has a well documented unsatiable hunger for pre-teens, but he's immortalized as The King. Robert Sylvester Kelly pis... uh, ok, bad example.

  • Anyways, this whole "whites dudes get off" thing has seldom been on greater display than during this year's "historic Presidential campaign".[1] Barry Obama can get racial subliminals lobbed at him all day, but would be ethered on the spot if he merely thought about uttering something sexist in return. His somewhat controversial neighbors provided the ammo to paint him as a slumlord and ex-terrorist.[2] His wife gets reduced to mangled soundbytes and essentially painted as some sorta new-school Imelda Marcos. And most notably, he becomes guilty by association when his birdbrained preacher has the nerve to toss up the Omega sign at a press conference. But being a black man, he actually has to address this sorta nonsense, as opposed to merely giving his critics the middle finger, or telling them to "go eff' off" Dick Chaney-style. It's the tightrope-over-bed-of-nails routine every black person in Corporate America has to walk each day being played out on an international stage.

    It's annoying, but it ain't surprising. It is what it is.

    Cotton Hill McCain on the other hand, beats them charges like Rocky. For all the conservative jibberjabber about the free-pass Obama's received, it's amazing to me that GrandpaMac hasn't caught any flack for the numerous blemishes he's collected over the years. Scandals like The Keating Five would cast serious doubts on his "flawless integrity". His well-documented anger problem and history of holding grudges against his foes at the expense of sound legislation are troubling. His philandering and opportunistic second marriage (originally an affair) would make Slick Willie proud. The half-dozen or so campaign advisors he's had jump ship due to dubious conflicts of interest in the past month alone would lead anyone to question his decisions about whom he surrounds himself with. And I would mention his wife's drug problem, but that would just be low.

    Then again, after that ignant ass Michelle-bashing GOP commercial in Tennessee last week, maybe not.

    Most interesting however, is how McCain has gotten an open path to the basket despite two very dubious "endorsements" by controversial pastors of his own. Cotton Hill's "spiritual guide" Rod Parsley called on America to see the "false religion" of Islam "destroyed." McCain didn't have to deliver a brilliant but inconsequential speech about the state of religion in America, and he didn't even have to throw Parsley under any bus, because the media didn't even bother calling him on any of this BS. I guess you could chalk this up to the MSM being preoccupied with that other race, but that excuse smells like ass to me. Because the talking heads also haven't bothered giving today's minor bombshell much attention either.
    In the face of mounting controversy over headline-grabbing statements from the Rev. John Hagee, CNN has learned that presumptive Republican nominee John McCain decided Thursday to reject his endorsement.

    McCain told CNN's Brian Todd that he rejected the endorsement after Todd brought to his attention Hagee's comments that Adolf Hitler had been fulfilling God's will by hastening the desire of Jews to return to Israel in accordance with biblical prophecy.

    "God says in Jeremiah 16: 'Behold, I will bring them the Jewish people again unto their land that I gave to their fathers. ... Behold, I will send for many fishers, and after will I send for many hunters. And they the hunters shall hunt them.' That would be the Jews. ... Then God sent a hunter. A hunter is someone who comes with a gun and he forces you. Hitler was a hunter," Hagee said, according to a transcript of his sermon.

    In a statement to CNN on Thursday, McCain said "Obviously, I find these remarks and others deeply offensive and indefensible, and I repudiate them. I did not know of them before Rev. Hagee's endorsement, and I feel I must reject his endorsement as well."

    Shortly after McCain's announcement Thursday afternoon, Hagee withdrew his endorsement, citing critics who had been "grossly misrepresenting" his positions.

    "I am tired of these baseless attacks and fear that they have become a distraction in what should be a national debate about important issues. I have therefore decided to withdraw my endorsement of Sen. McCain for president effective today, and to remove myself from any active role in the 2008 campaign," he said in a statement.

    "I hope that the Sen. McCain will accept this withdrawal so that he may focus on the issues that are most important to America and the world."
    Seriously, checkout this nutjob in action. He makes Rebb'n Wright look like Little Bill by comparison.

    What a freakin' country! But wait, it only gets better!

    Since the usual White Guy Rules apply, McCain can take pressure off himself and get an overdone issue back in the news merely by exercising the crafty tool of psychological projection.
    McCain also said that his relationship with Hagee did not compare with Sen. Barack Obama's lengthy association with the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, whose own inflammatory comments remain, for some Republicans, a persistent campaign issue even though Obama has denounced his former minister.

    "I have said I do not believe Sen. Obama shares Rev. Wright's extreme views. But let me also be clear, Rev. Hagee was not and is not my pastor or spiritual adviser, and I did not attend his church for 20 years. I have denounced statements he made immediately upon learning of them, as I do again today," McCain said.
    "That's right, get off my nutsack. I ain't tryinna hear that bullsh*t!!! What about your Pastor, huh, what about him?!?"

    This story won't rule the airwaves for 8 straight weeks. Heck, it prolly won't even be in the news come tomorrow when you folks read this.

    For those of you who want to look at this as some partisan, Dems vs Reps issue, please don't even go there. This has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with race and how it's played out in the media.

    And that's a shame, because for all the glowing articles about Senator McCain's character and dedication to his country, this strikes me as incredibly poor judgement. I don't believe for one moment that McCain harbors any of Parsley or Hagee's sentiments, anymore than I believe Obama buys into Rebb'n Wright's misguided Barbershop K-Nowledge. But one guy had to defend his loose association for months, while the other can whisk away the loopy pastors whose endorsements he actively sought for political gain in the time it takes you to leave a comment on this post.

    Don't believe me? The story was barely registering on Friday morning. By the time the Sunday morning talking heads rolled around, Hagee/McCain was merely a footnote. Memorial Day weather is your lead story. I've yet to hear Hagee's comments looped repeatedly without context. Hell, CNN even ran a 15 minute precanned segment about Hagee, which barely mentioned his comments at all.

    Again, what is there to apologize for when you didn't do anything wrong?

    And that just ain't right.

    But then again, being White in America means never having to say you're sorry. And being Black in America means having to apologize for some shit you ain't even say in the first place.

    White America gets the best end of double-standards by far.

    They get pure consciences and character coated with Teflon.

    We get to tell sh*tty "white folks ain't go no butt" jokes on Comic View.

    Seems like a fair trade to me.

    Question: Do you think the Hagee/Parsley associations are any more indicative of John McCain's character than the Rebb'n Wright fiasco reflects on Obama's personal worldview?

    McCain rejects Hagee's endorsement [CNN]

    McCain Rejects Parsley Endorsement [ABC News]

    McCain campaign advisor quits over lobbying ties [Reuters]

    Michelle Obama takes heat from Tennessee GOP [CNN]

    The Keating Five [Wikipedia]

    McCain: A Question of Temperament [WashPost]

    [1] Who else is tired of that phrase? Dang.

    [2] I told ya'll I wasn't mentioning "that woman" anymore.

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