Friday, April 4, 2008

An AB.com MultiMedia Exposé: Top 13 Debits To The Black Race


[Editor's Note: This is a controversial post, and I can already hear some folks sayin' "why does this site always denigrate black people?" Actually, this site does uplift black folks who are doing good things. This post just ain't about them.]

There's an old saying that predates me called being "a credit to your race". I don't really know where this whole thing originated, and it's not outwardly used much today now that most white folks strive for political correctness. The gist of it however, is that it's intended to be a compliment to a person of color who "makes the race look good" by virtue of their character and competence. Of course, this is an underhanded swipe in a way, since it generally implies that the rest of your brood must be completely inept imbeciles by comparison if your singular efforts are enough to improve the overall racial balance sheet. Modern day examples of this idiom would be folks like Tony Dungy, Tavis Smiley, Tiger Woods, Condoleeza Rice, and of course, the favorite Negro du jour, Barack Obama.

This being my blog and all, of course there's gotta be a logical flipside to this. Some Negroes, just by sheer virtue of their utter and complete stupidity set honest, hardworking tokens like me back every time they open their cottonpickin' mouths. These are the kinda folks that your Grandma just shakes her head at and leaves the room when she sees them on TV. They aren't credits. In fact, they are quite the opposite.

These folks are Debits To Their Race™. And yes, that indeed was a trademark (™) symbol you just saw. Because unlike the dozens (okay, there's prolly only like 4-5 of them) of other slanguistics I originate here at AB.com that get co-opted by other sites (and you know who you are), this one's mine. You heard it here first. I googled that bad boy, and it barely registered a handful of hits, so I'm claimin' it.

Anyways, my girl Thembi gave this one a run a week or so ago, but my list is a little different. Still, peep her brilliant The Only Black People I Can't Stand: Part I post when you get a moment. Props given either way. I present to you this of-so-special baker's dozen of Negroes we could all do without, in no particular order.

AB.com's Bottom? Top 13 Debits To The Black Race:


13. Tiffany "New York" Patterson

I guess I could really give this award to any of the fine ladies (Hoopz, Sapphyri, Deelishis) of VH1's Celebreality coonfest, but I'd be wrong if I didn't respect the architect of this whole thing. New York took Omarosa's "bitchy black woman" stereotype to all new levels, and has gotten humped and dumped on TV more times than I can count in the process. I guess I should give her and Flavor Flav debit credit for putting more black folks on TV than any show this side of The Wire. Then again, maybe not.

You mean to tell me Harriett Tubbman died for this sh*t?


12. Robert Sylvester Kelly

In a perfect world, R. Kelly would be in Menard washing some dude named Big Lorenzo's draws right about now. But since Kells makes a whole lot of people a whole lot of money, he has a Get Out of Jail Free For Perpetuity Card. You and I both know this cat will nevar do a day of time. Evar! And this being America and all, I guess that's not too surprising. On the other hand, I just wish folks who stop playing Step In The Name Of Love at church picnics. Something about that just seems soooo wrong.


11. Stephanie Tubbs Jones (R.I.P.)

One of the few joys of watching this election cycle play itself out has been the fact that the MSM finally discovered the joyful hot mess that is Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones. She is just as entertaining as she is irritating. Her blind allegiance to the Clintons, despite what sorta stuff she is having to defend makes me wonder if this woman has a spine under all those unnecessary chuckles. She looks and sounds more like somebody's beautician than a Congresswoman. What the hell was ya'll thinkin', Cleveland?


10. Jason Whitlock

From his unnecessary scouring of Rutgers head coach Vivian Stringer, to his posthumous ethering of Sean Taylor, Whitlock (formerly of ESPN) uses his Fox Sports pulpit to talk cash sh*t about any and every black athlete. He is the sports version of Jesse Lee Peterson, satiating the middle-American ego with a black co-signer who says the stuff they actually wanna say themselves, but can't for fear of being called racist.


9. Jesse Lee Peterson

Speaking of Peterson, this odd-looking cat keeps popping up on the usual conservative radio and TV shows, usually bashing "black leaders", and kowtowing to the likes of Sean Hannity. I figured I'd better do some homework, considering how much airtime he's been getting of late, and I eventually dug up his book Scam: How the Black Leadership Exploits Black America. Thank God for public libraries, cause this woulda been an awful waste of $16.95! It was the most poorly written, poorly substantiated piece of bullcrap I've ever wasted precious minutes of my life reading (I only made it through two chapters). Some of you think I have a problem with black conservatives. Considering most of my social views, that would be a mis-read. I don't dislike black conservatives, I just plain dislike black liars.

Peterson callously rips down folks like Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, Maxine Waters, and even has the nerve to hold an annual “National Day of Repudiation of Jesse Jackson". I'm obviously not one to defend Jesse and Rebb'n Al, but Negro please. If you can't come up with a cohesive argument for just why these folks are so bad, yet alone speak a complete sentence without splitting 20 verbs, just shut up and H.S.D. already. Of course, Peterson's on the payroll of Fox News, so expect to see lots of him should Obama make it to Denver.


8. Reverend Jeremiah Wright [2]

I didn't have any problem with Wright's statements, and as I've revealed here frequently, I thought they were taken completely out of context and aren't too far removed from what the typical black preacher would say on any given Sunday. Wright's track record of service to this country and his community are above reproach. So why, you ask, is Obama's preacher on this list?

Simply because he could have short circuited this whole dilemma by just coming out a few weeks ago and saying "my comments are my own, not Barack's". I'm sure 20/20, 60 Minutes, hell, even Tyra Banks would all jump at the chance to give him an hour to explain his comments in their proper context. But he played the background and let this thing get far bigger than it needed to.

Had he spoken out, rather than taking that 3 week cruise and his subsequent victory lap around Chicago last weekend, we would be talking about Veep choices by now, not whether random white guys in Wilkes-Barre think Obama is a closet racist. Next time, fall on the sword, old man.


7. Pastor David Manning

This Negro is so far out there, I don't even know where to begin. But considering the fact that he's an ex-con with a "rap sheet longer than Manute Bol"[1], maybe we should just start ignoring him.


6. Amy Holmes [3]

Sometimes, certain people just don't "sit right" with you. You can't quite pinpoint exactly what it is about them, but try as you might, you. just. don't. like. them. CNN/Fox News contributor Amy Holmes would be such a person. They obviously pit the ultra conservative Holmes versus Obama cheerleaders Roland Martin and Jamal Simmons to provide some sorta racial point/counterpoint. But Holmes seldom if ever steers from the "protect the party" mantra, even when there's blatantly racist stuff being tossed out there. So, yeah, I guess I have a problem with black conservatives. Shoot me. I've also got a problem with her "wannabe hipster black chick crinkly hairdo". Sorry Amy, it just ain't workin' for you homegirl. And you ain't workin' for AB.


5. Isaiah Thomas

The NBA has always been an old boys club that rewarded ex-white players with cushy front office gigs to run teams (often into the ground) after their playing days are over. Even marginally talented cats like Rex Chapman, Steve Kerr, Danny Ferry, and John Paxson have been handed the reigns to entire storied franchises, with little to no prior experience. Only recently have black ex-players like Joe Dumars gotten coveted GM titles. And thanks to Isaiah Lord Thomas, and the godawful job he's done of turning the NY Knicks into the biggest laughingstock in all of pro sports, it will prolly be awhile before another brother gets a shot.

He's made terrible trades, even worse signings, fired coaches that should have never been hired, clashed openly with his own players, and let's not forget that little sexual harassment lawsuit. Thankfully he lost one of his jobs already this week, and it's only a matter of time before he's completely relieved of this duties. Knicks fans should be so lucky. They have to live with this capped out roster for another 3-4 seasons.


4. Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick

So, what's the worst of Kwame's screwups? The cherry red Navigator? The jet skis? Running up a quarter mill of personal expenses on a city issued credit card and getting your mama to bail you out? Hiring your jumpoff as CHIEF OF STAFF? The scrippers in the Mayoral Mansion? The dead scripper named Strawberry? The 14,000 sexy text messages? Lying to cover your affair? Costing the city $9M to cover your affair? Going to church and pulling a Clay Davis to save your job? Man, get this negro outta office already.


3. Karrine Steffans

Thankfully, her last book went triple wood [], so we're probably going to be spared the indignity of SuperHead: The Motion Picture. Still, by kissing (among other things) and telling all the sordid details of the random rappers, athletes, actors, and Olive Garden busboys you "serviced", you're not exactly uplifting the black female image. H.S.D.


2. T-Pain and Akon

Record Industry Hustle 06': Take a (really) average looking dude with little dignity and even less discernible talent. Give him a vocoder and some catchy tunes ("I'm In Love With A Stripper", "Locked Up"). Rinse and repeat. Two years later, these no-talent bums have double handedly ruined any semblance of respectable black radio, and now have (somewhat) talented artists like Snoop Dogg and Lil' Wayne jumping on the Zapp bandwagon. Just say no to vocoders boys and girls. Roger Troutman is crying inside.


1. Adam "Pacman" Jones

Since Mike "Can't Get Right" Vick is already doing time, and Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson doesn't have a rap sheet (yet), somebody had to take the fall to fulfill our obligatory black athlete quota. And whom better than Pacman, a man who never met a strip club he couldn't shut down? This genius once notoriously "made it rain" with over 81,000 $1 bills at a Vegas strip club, then after the dancers refused to return the money (which he claimed was simply for "visual effect"), Jones had a weedcarrier return to the club and open fire, paralyzing a bouncer. He got off with 200 hours of community service.

With more than 10 assorted arrests/run-ins with Johnny Law in just over 2 years, it's a wonder that any team even wants him, but of course, this being America and all, the Dallas Cowboys are in the process of trading for him as soon as his season-long NFL ban is lifted. What. A. Country.

DisHonorable Mentions:

Byron Allen - See Amy Holmes. I just don't like this cat. Sorry.
DJ Hughley - Nappy Head Hoes, huh? Nappy head deez "...."!
OJ Simpson - Debit To The Race first ballot Hall of Shamer.
Ward Connerly - Debit To The Race second ballot Hall of Shamer.
Congressman William Jefferson - Just disappear somewhere. Please!
The Jena Six - Stay in school, kids. And by school, I don't mean detention.
Flavor Flav - Noooo Boyeee!!!
Wayne Brady - See Byron Allen.
Bob Johnson - Debit To The Race third ballot Hall of Shamer.
Tyler Perry - Just missed the list, but one more Madea movie, and it's on.
Congressman Emmanuel Cleaver - The stereotypical milquetoast Negro.

Question: Got any glaring omissions you wanna add to the list?

The Only Black People I Can't Stand Part I [What Would Thembi Do?]

[1] Name that tune.
[2] I know some of ya'll are salty about this one. Sorry.
[3] See [2].

29 AverageComments™:

Thembi said...

First, thank you for the props!

Second, even before the props I got all warm and tingly about reading this.

As to your list:
Is it just me or does Jesse Peterson look like some distant relative of Billy Blanks?
Doesn't Amy Holmes = "Good Hair Gone Bad"?
Why must Kwame publicly demonstrate that technology still confounds the Negro?
I am SO with you on Byron Allen, doesnt he give corniness such a bad name?

EXCELLENT work. I'd bump Bob Johnson into the top ten and replace him with Bobby Brown in the third round with Robin Quivers as Sherri Shepard added as additional Honorable Mentions.

Anonymous said...

Juanita Bynum
Katt Williams
Sherri Shepherd
B.E.T.
Naomi Campbell
Any female from "Flavor of Love"
Lil' Wayne
Ray J
Janice Combs (Puffy's mom)
Carol Mosely Braun

Levois said...

Heh, I used to be a fan of Jesse Lee Peterson. I even bought his book, but I don't take his POV seriously anymore. I believe in the value of asking questions, but he certainly does this with a religious fervor that turns me off. Oh and he had a radio show once, I'll bet you couldn't last two minutes listening to it. I stopped listening myself and I didn't even notice he didn't have a radio show anymore.

Alas I don't have any names to add to the debit list because most of the names I would propose is already either on the list or suggested.

Oh, BTW, I still consider myself somewhat conservative, but I like to think I have some sense. lol

shonufded said...

Damn, this sh*t's depressing, and you had runners-up.

Now, I'm not blaming you for exposing them, I just wish there was a way we could add a little extra hot sauce to the chittlins some of them are hiding in their white paper bags.

Mad Hatter said...

DJ Hughley
Flavor Flav
Tyler Perry
Juanita Bynum
Kimora Simmons
Tara Banks
Lil' Wayne
Lil' Wayne has taken control of my youngest son aaauuuggghh!!!

Vee said...

OK, outside of the fact that Byron Allen and Wayne Brady are considered "corny" by some why would they be a debit to the race? I didn't know Allen until Arsenio Hall used to hate on the brother hard from time to time. He was the brunt of many comedians jokes, but my question is why? Bryon was not popular.
At least Dave Chappelle played the game fair and gave Wayne Brady crazy exposure after being dissed on his program.

I don't watch Fox News, and I never caught her on CNN, but outside of her views(Republican) and her hair (which does not look bad, whatever), why is she really a debit?

I'm just asking. I'm not trying to defend the other choices but those three are puzzling. Tyler Perry? While I am not a fan, I am not mad at the brother.

Anonymous said...

yes...i wholeheartedly agree. juanita bind 'em must be added to the list to balance out the other preachers. i also kinda think that you can take jeremiah out and put juannie b's [ex]husband tommy reeks...oh i mean weeks.

Invisible Man said...

Great post! I only disagree with Amy Holmes making the top ten. Granted, Amy is in our face everyday because of the election coverage but the disparity between Amy Holmes and Karrine Steffans is so stark I feel bad that Amy, a young political commentator, is placed in the same company as Karrine Steffans, professional floozy.

Anonymous said...

You ain't seen nothin' yet. Tyler is making Madea Goes to Jail the movie

Miss Issues said...

I like both Amy Holmes and Wayne Brady. They show they we are not monolithic people. Amy and Wayne don't come across like caricatures.
Amy is always articulate and voices her opinions her strong direct way without being standoffish, like Anne Coulter, who I despise.
Wayne is to me so talented. Love him on Dave Chappelle and How I met your mother. The man can Act!

TalentedTenth said...

yes, how could we forget mr. robert "i want to pee on you" kelly.

zeezy4sheezy said...

Bob Johnson deserves at least a Life Time achievement for giving us BET.

And how could you not mentions crack cocaine?? I know its not a person but hell its done more damage to our people than anything else combined

AverageBro said...

@ madd hatter/anonymous

I don't get the whole Juanita Bynum thing. She's a victim, isn't she?

@ thembi

respecting the architect. BTW, where's part II?

We need to work on a Guest Post. Hit me on email.

@ levois

I'm socially and fiscally conservative myself, although I don't identify with the party itself. You're good peoples in my book.

@ zeezy

I need to see "human crack in the flesh" personified to add to list. Sorry.

@ everybody on my back about Amy Holmes

Ok, that WAS pretty low. She doesn't deserve to be on the list, I agree. I don't really have a good enough reason to include her with the rest of these scoundrels. Cut me some slack.

Ya'll nominate a consensus replacement #6, and I'll make the change. I'm just flexible like that.

Miss Issues said...

I nominate Remy Ma, or better yet the black women who insist on going on Flavor of Love!

mrshadow33 said...

I like this post AB, it is very creative and funny as hell. I agree with the majority of your choices except three.

Pastor Wright should not be on there. They circulated a sermon that he gave seven years ago. I agree that he shouldn't have done things like appear on Hannity and Colmes but that does not make him a debit to the race. This is a man who has served his country as a Marine and spoken about injustices that Blacks face in this country for over thirty years. In fact in that spliced speech (You should listen to the whole speech on You Tube)To include him with disgraceful people like Jesse Lee Peterson I believe is an insult. Respectfully, I think you should rethink that one.

Ditto on Amy Holmes. Her voice is a bit annoying but I don't see a reason for her inclusion.

I am a huge fan of Wayne Brady have always respected his talent. For some reason many of our people hate on him because he speaks perfect English and doesn't act like a ghetto caricature. He is an excellent comedian, actor and singer: a true entertainer. H e even proved that he doesn't take himself too seriously when he appeared on Dave Chappelle's show in the classic episode that was a spoof of Training Day. He is a credit to not only our race but to humanity. Again respectfully, I think you should rethink your position on that one.

All in all and excellent post. Look forward to talking with you again.

Afro-America Writer said...

I see you already answered my question on Amy Holmes - I don't see eye to eye with her on her politics but I wouldn't question her brilliance.

Oh for Amy Holmes, please put Naomi Campbell. After hearing the latest news last night about spitting on an officer; the sister really has a problem!

Anonymiss said...

Al "Photo Op" Sharpton & the NAACP should be added. They're foolishly providing support for those Dunbar Village gang rapists.

Al's priority is to address White-on-Black crime and has admitted that he would've acted much earlier if the perps were White. And the NAACP has said that Black-on-Black crime isn't within the scope of their mission.

ebw-educated black woman said...

AB, another CLASSIC! @thembi-thanks for the inspiration.
I'd take Wayne Brady off of dishonorable mention, and replace him with Jimmie Walker.(One word --"DYN-O-MITE!")

And I totally agree about Amy Holmes. As a "hipster black chick" with a "crinkly hairdo", she offends me. I swear EVERYTIME I watch her spit nonsense, I think she needs some good loving from a strong black man. I know it sounds both sexist and racist--but I can't think of what else could be wrong with this sister. Maybe she had a traumatic childhood or something. But you are right, you just can't put your figner on it..she's like a stepford wife or something...it's freaky.

ListenToLeon said...

This was a GREAT list! Very enjoyable read

Anonymous said...

I only submit Juanita Bynum on the basis of her sham ministry, not her alleged abuse by her soon-to-be ex-husband. And while we're at it, we can throw in Creflo Dollar.

And have you checked out Dr.Kaumau "Exterminate white people" Kambon?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IN5StQAr7n0

Thembi said...

AB,

I need to see "human crack in the flesh" personified to add to list. Sorry.

Do you realize that you're quoting Juelz Santana to us now?

I'm all over a guest post and will hit you up soon.

Vee said...

Jimmie Walker? He's a comedian, he's done nothing significant to be considered a debit to his race.

Note, if you are considering Reverend Wright as a debit to his race then you might as well add Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who also made a incendiary speech denouncing the government of the United States of America for their decision to go to war against Vietnam. And possibly costing Obama the seat of the presidency and being a debit to the race is not the same.

New York? Does she really even matter on a national or global scale? Nah, I don't think so.

Average Bro, I know this is all in fun but ideas like this some times play into how to be authentically black and placing a group of very diverse people into one categorical box. One of the many reasons why many non-white actors have difficulty in the entertainment business because there's some one telling them that they're not ethnic enough or corny like a very talented Wayne Brady. Yeah, man I'll defend the brother Brady.

StillaPanther2 said...

Brother AB.. Todays African Americans can not realize the world they live in is only 20 years at the most. All these comedy/reality shows are there due to Jimmie Walker. He was the only young Black male on the tube during this time. 100+ channels is a 'young thing". JJ gave the other Blacks in this "Big Ole USA" an eye into how the urban Black lived. All the episodes can be seen in Amerikka life today. Now (2008), he is just trying to get paid before he check-out. He represented during the times where buffoonary was the only sights the powers-to-be allowed. His message, captured by a lot of Blacks, had a moral glue...something that is sadly gone from the Black race.

StillaPanther2 said...

Brother AB.. the list was quite thought provoking. I.m on the bus. :] I wonder why these people act as they do. Do they live in the same USA as I do. There was also a Black radio talking head from Denver that always talked about the "low-life" Blacks in US, got it.... Ken Hamlin may qualify as a life-timer.

Vindy said...

Congresswoman Maxine Walters should be on the list

Mwanga said...

This is one of your few Manny Ramirez (Boston Red Sox) columns. Manny's known for hitting a grand slam ("Kells" & Uncle Jesse Leein this case), then dropping a fly ball or striking out the next at bat (Jeremiah & STJ, debits to the race?). While I agree with a lot of the names--even though Ward Connerly deserves top billing in my view--it's the infrequent, unexpected names that give ammunition to older Blacks who think the hip-hop gen/Gen Xers are a bunch of ungrateful, sideline sitting, self-serving, underachieving, so and so's.

R. Williams said...

lmao. Man, I live in Detroit and I literally fell out of my computer chair laughing at your statement about Kilpatrick. "Hiring his jumpoff as his chief of staff." Wow, lmao. It took me darn near 10 minutes to find this blog again, but I'm happy I did.

Why on earth is Tyler Perry bad though? I admit, I don't support his cookie-cutter movies anymore, but I do support that brother. He's making a new lane in the black movie industry, matter of fact...the entertainment industry as a whole.

Wonder Man said...

great list, I feel you

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU FOR PUTTING WHITLOCK ON THERE!!!

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