Friday, September 28, 2007

AverageBro Blogs Live! from the GOP Debate at Morgan State

We Watch, So You Don't Have To.

Ok, so it isn't live, and I was watching on PBS with probably the other 214 people nationwide who bothered to tune in. But much like my recaps of the New Hampshire, and YouTube Democratic Debates, I felt an obligation of sorts to endure last night's GOP debate at Morgan State University and give you a final tally. I'm just open minded like that.

I am a registered Democrat, and since I differ with the GOP on a few key fundamental issues (namely: affirmative action and a woman's right to choose), I would gouge my eyes out with a Bojangles' spork before I voted for a Republican candidate for President. Sorry, I'm just close minded like that.

On the other hand, state and local (think: mayor, county exec, governor) elections are another issue altogether. If a guy can lower my property tax, fund schools, and fix potholes, I could care less what party he represents. Just my two cents.

Anyways, on to the debate....


Kornel David
Rusty LaRue
Cory Carr
Mark Bryant
Corey Benjamin
Mario Bennett

You probably have no idea who these six guys are, but they're members of the 1998-99 Chicago Bulls, a dreadful team that won just 13 games. The only reason why this team is even notable is because they were the scrubs that followed the exodus 97' Bulls Championship team of Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, and Coach Phil Jackson.

Depleted of it's star power, the team of guys remaining were a collection of awful, unwatchable losers. This team was so bad, it couldn't beat itself on NBA Live. Last night, as I tried to stay interested in the GOP Debate at Morgan State University, I couldn't help but think I was watching this dreadful Bulls team.

In case you're unaware, all the Republican frontrunners (Guiliani, McCain, Romney, Thompson) pulled out of this debate weeks ago in unison, citing "other commitments". Never mind the fact that the debate was scheduled 6 months ago, which is plenty of time to clear your calendar. Never mind the fact that the same four candidates also pulled out of a similar debate on Hispanic tv station Univision a few weeks ago.

On second thought: mind!

If the GOP is serious about courting the black and brown vote, you'd think they'd send their All-Star team instead of a bunch of D-League rejects. Apparently not.

Note to black and brown America: Please remember this slight when the GOP comes pandering for your votes next Fall!!!

Even though the luminaries decided they had better things to do, there was still a debate to conduct, and hosts Tom Joyner and Tavis Smiley were emphatic about these absences and called them out. In a symbolic show of the slight, the podiums of the absent were left empty (see photo above). The GOP's Token Negro du jour, ex-Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele introduced the six debaters, and the show was on.

Before I dive into the candidate by candidate recaps, I want to note that although this debate was held at an HBCU and was supposedly geared toward black issues, a majority of the crowd appeared to be white. This could be deceptive: as we all know, white folks are notorious for getting places on time (or buying tickets early), so they always end up sitting in the front rows anyway. Perhaps the candidates had their local supporters bum rush the show. Either way you dice it, the audience response to many of the questions posed didn't seem to be the typical response of a mostly black audience. Does this make a difference? Not really. Was it somewhat distracting? Yes.

Anyways, Tavis played moderator, and Fox News' Juan Williams, a token Hispanic journalist, and a token black female journalist took turns lobbing questions at the candidates. Most early questions were of direct concern to the black/brown community. But towards the end, they started going with basic questions about health care and the Iraq war and my Tivo trigger finger got itchy, so I can't say I followed those responses very well. Just like with my previous debate recaps, I rated each candidate's performance on a scale of 0 to 5 Hanging Chads [||].

My Candidate by Candidate Recap:

Mike Huckabee (Former Arkansas Governor) - I'll be honest, if I didn't have any idea who these guys were or who was leading this group of losers in the polls, I'd swear this guy was the best candidate on the GOP side by far. Playing from the Bill Clinton Book of Pandering, Huckabee was by far the most relaxed, professional, and thorough of the candidates. This guy had the right answer for everything: racism, Rwandan genocide, DC statehood, you name it. He also plays a musical instrument. Heck, his tie was even color-coordinated to match the set background! I'm never going to vote for a GOP President, but I can surely understand why this guy pulled 48% of the black vote the last time he ran for Governor. If you're GOP savvy and can explain to me why this guy doesn't have more traction, I'd love to know. - 5 Chads (Out of 5)

Ron Paul (Texas Congressman) - I obviously haven't followed any of these second-tier GOP candidates (why would I?), but I've heard more than enough about Ron Paul to pay attention when he spoke. I came away wondering what all the fuss was about. Yeah, he's a sparky old guy with lots of enthusiasm and spunk, but he clearly wasn't prepared to answer any of the race-specific questions tossed out in this debate. He has a penchant for repeating key phrases (ie: welfare state) for no apparent reason, and espouses pie in the sky ideas like the elimination of income taxes for "waiters and bartenders" (WTH?). With his tiny stature and outrageous policies, I can only conclude that Paul and Dennis Kucinich are products of the same babydaddy. They just don't know it yet. AverageSis called him a "crackpot". I had to concur. That's why I love this woman so much I had to marry and impregnate her. Anyways. - 1 Chad.

Sam Brownback (Kansas Senator) - I'll be honest, this guy was completely non-descript. He didn't say a single thing the entire night that was notable. If it wasn't for his bad dye job, I probably wouldn't have even remembered him at all. BTW, you just know this dude caught beatdowns on the daily in middle school with a last name like Brownback. - 0 Chads.

Duncan Hunter (California Congressman) - See Brownback. I can't say there was anything particularly memorable about Hunter other than his Angry White Guy responses to all questions of race. This guy if clearly the GOP equivalent of Mike Gravel. And he clearly has the same snowball's chance of winning. - 0 Chads

Tom Tancredo (Colorado Congressman) - This is the one guy who pissed me off more than anyone else the entire night. Like Hunter, he seems to have the Angry White Guy's disease, and makes no bones about it. Pandering clearly wasn't on his agenda. Rwandans? Eff' em'! Black men in prison unfairly? Eff' em'. DC Statehood? Move to Virginia, Negro!!! Maybe the slow realization that he doesn't have a chance, is wasting his time, and doesn't even have a job to go back to is finally sinking in. You know, kinda like a guy who trains years for the Olympics, and finishes dead last. I'd probably be pissed too. Still, this guy is about 5 foot 6, and doesn't even look presidential. Much like Democrat Chris Dodd, who looks more like a butcher, this guy doesn't look presidential at all. He looks like a middle school gym teacher. Maybe that's a career option for him now, cause his ass is through. - Negative 27 Chads

Alan Keyes (recently unemployed GOP lackey/onetime ambassador to some country you've never heard of) - You know I had to save the best for last. Like I told ya'll last week, Keyes' inclusion in this race is nothing more than a Grand Hu$tle by the GOP to avoid looking completely racist at this HBCU debate. I still have no doubt that two weeks from now, Keyes will quietly back out of the race, citing a need to "spend more time with his family". Reality is, a hired gun like him can come in and shoot off at the mouth with few repercussions, and that's exactly what he did. Looking just like Anton Jackson from Undercover Brother, Keyes, in his best Steve Urkel alto, actually gained some points with me. He said lots of things about black people needing to take personal responsibility, get married before they have babies, and staying the hell off the street corner that the white candidates couldn't say themselves. He got lukewarm applause at best, but for actually showing some balls for a change, at least he slightly improved his image. Not that it matters, Anton Jackson will be out of this race by the time I finish this post. - 4 Chads

Winner: Huckabee, by a landslide. But when you think about it, winning a debate full of losers is sorta like being the best Jewish player in the NFL. It sounds good on paper, but in the end, it doesn't mean jack.
Runner Up: Anton Jackson Alan Keyes
Don't Be Mad, UPS Is Hirin': All six of these losers. And Black America.

Republican long shots get moment in spotlight [B'More Sun]

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