Thursday, October 6, 2016

Of Gangsta Rap Radio Edits, Precocious Kids & Bad Parenting...

I drop my kids off at school every morning. Obviously, this presents an issue because I want to listen to music that I like, but they are seven and four years old. So a fair compromise is to let them listen to classic rap instrumentals. I get a beat I can ride to, they can bop along in the back seat and they don't get polluted with grown-up messages. Win win.

So anyway, an instrumental they absolutely love is Snoop Dogg's "It Ain't No Fun". We've listened to it every morning for the past 2 weeks. My daughter (who is 4) asked me could she "hear the words" to the song. Of course I'm a responsible adult and wouldn't do that to my kids. Instead, I went on YouTube and found the song labeled "It Aint No Fun" (extra extra clean version). I'm thinking, what's the worst that can happen if they bleep out half of the words anyway? Press play.

Well the song gets about 4 bars in and Nate Dogg's already said "open up your gap" and I'm quickly going for the pause button to close the app but I have to swerve suddenly (I am driving after all. Judge me.) and the phone slides across the seat where I can't reach it. Before I can reach for the volume, Nate is already at the "next time I'm feelin' kinda horn-aaaay" part and I'm feeling like the worst black father of all time.

I cut the song off, and silently pray that my kids are not going to ask me what they've just heard. But of course they are smart kids, so my daughter asks "Dad what is horny?"

"Like rhino honey. Like a rhino. It has horns."

"So the man feels like a rhino? That's a weird thing to sing about,"
says my 7 year old son.

We'll just stick with the instrumentals until they're teens.

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