Thursday, September 10, 2015

An Open Letter To Everyone Who's (Still/Inexplicably) Supporting Donald Trump For President.

Dear Conservatives,

Let's have a quick talk. Seriously guys, what's it gonna take for you all to stop supporting this guy? He has insulted Mexicans. He's insulted "the Blacks". He has insulted women. He has insulted people of faith. He has insulted war veterans. Let me repeat that... HE HAS INSULTED WAR VETERANS!!!! Yet his poll numbers keep rising. I keep expecting the balloon to finally burst, but it hasn't and there's no indication it will. I mean, it's not like Trump hasn't already had his fair share of controversies, most of which were unforced errors. Yet he's come through each one unscathed. Herman Cain he is not.[1]

Do you realize how ridiculous it would be to support a person primarily known as a reality TV star in the first place, let alone supporting a reality TV star whose sole asset appears to be insulting people who disagree with him in the most uncouth and despicable manner possible? What's his "platform"? Do you even know? Do you even care? It doesn't seem like it.

You do realize the rest of the world is looking at you guys and laughing their asses off, right? I get it, you really, really hate Obama. Well guess what... he's not on the the ballot in 2016. If you're trying to stick it to the 51% of America that elected this guy twice, you could probably choose a better weapon[2], especially given how vulnerable (check that... incompetent) the Democratic frontrunner is. You could actually win this thing, get your party back in power, and actually "take back your country", whatever the fuck that means.

Trump's entire appeal seems to be directly related to his jackassery. Maybe he should make that part of his campaign slogan. Forget "Make America Great Again". That's corny. "Make History: Elect The First Jackass President" would be awesome. And accurate. Very accurate. I might just buy that bumper sticker. And burn it. Because I'm not a jackass.

In the unlikely event that he does overcome the left's challenger and wins, do you actually want this guy residing at 1600 Penn Ave? Really? Seriously? Have you even thought through exactly what that would look like? Do you even care?

Start caring soon, please.

Thank you,


[1] I miss Herman Cain.

[2] Jeb Bush and John Kasich to name two. Okay, that might be the only two. I woulda put Chris Christie on this list a few months back, but Trump's basically jacked his entire "tell it like it is" steez and dialed it up about 1000000 notches. Big C.R.I.S's run for the nomination ended quicker than a Ronda Rousey fight.