Thursday, April 18, 2013
Unlike most other musical genres, rap isn't one in which dancing (by the artist) is actively encouraged. Before anyone rebukes that statement by uttering the word "Dougie", let me remind you that most of the cRappers delivering dance tunes are teenagers (ie: Soulja Boy) whose gimmicky careers are almost entirely based on dancing. The dominant hip hop aesthetic of the post-Golden Era involves a guy walking back and forth on stage grabbing his package and little more. Heck, modern age hip hop is so anti-jiggin' that there have even been songs made about it.
"They don't dance no mo'"
They d*mn sho' don't. Seriously, when's the last time you saw Jay-Z do anything other than pace back and forth? That doesn't mean there isn't the occasional non-teenage rapper who dares to cut a rug in his video. And the results are usually atrocious. Here's a handful of examples of what happens When Non-Dancing Rappers Dance, and the often permanent damage it does to their careers.
T.I. - "I'm Serious"
Anyone else remember when T.I. first came out and was basically an Andre 3000 clone? While I'm sure he'd like to forget this one, the image of a middle-schooler-sized Tip dancing around in a bamafied linen suit is downright hilarious, considering his later pivot to become a Traaap Star.
Freakin' hilarious. Of course, his first album went triple wood, he lost his record deal, reformulated with a more "street friendly" image, and the rest is history. Epic Fail averted.
MJG - "That Girl"
Southern rap pioneer MJG made a name for himself with his partner in rhyme 8-Ball, but like all artists in a group, decided to try his hand as a solo act. No need to lie, I sorta liked this song. Sure, it's a Stevie Wonder rip-off, but thug love songs always #win with me, and it's always good to see Stacey Dash working. However, things took a dramatic turn for the worst around the 3:30 mark.
Wow. How do you go from "Space Age Pimpin'" to lousy Darren's Dance Grooves step routines in a zoot suit? Thankfully his solo career flopped, MJG went back to the trill sh*t, and thus spared us anymore of this Hammer-esque nonsense.
Mic Geronimo - "Nothing Move But The Money"
Few other rappers better typified the New York/Hoodies & Timbs early 90's rap style than Mic Geronimo. The man even made a song called "Sh*t's Real" for crissakes. He was as underground and "real" as you could get. And then when made the mistake that's deaded the career of many an artist. That's right, he hooked up with Puff Daddy.
Mic Geronimo's street cred was shot quicker than you can say "Shiny Suit". He's probably working at Sizzler now. I'm sure Diddy enjoyed that production credit though.
Devyne Stephens - "Uh Huh"
I spent some time in Atlanta back in the early 00's (man, I'm getting old) and I couldn't avoid hearing this annoying song on the radio. I'd never heard of the dude who made it, but damn if this song wasn't omnipresent. Naturally I assumed whoever "Devyne Stephens" was, he was prolly some hood' cat. Then I saw this video. Uh.... Uhhhhh.
What. The. F*ck?!?
Sorry dude, it simply isn't possible to look like a thug and dance like Ciara. I didn't know that choreography was what's hot in SWATS, and apparently neither did this cat. Lucky for him, "Devyne" has made a nice career out of discovering acts like Akon and crafting routines for folks like Britney Spears. Lucky for us, his solo career ended with this atrocity.
Question: Why isn't it "cool" for rappers to dance?
 That bama knows his mama named him Devin.
Tags Popped: 3 Play Thursday