So yeah, it's Tuesday. Consider this imitation/flattery. Or whatever.
A Handful Of Random Things That Really Annoy Me.
Cam Newton - I can't figure this cat out. Last year, he seemed to disspel every negative stereotype people had already ascribed to him. They year, he seems hellbent on confirming them all. From the sideline moping, to the ass-holish postgame press conferences, dude is everything you ever hated about pro athletes, with a terrible shape up thrown in for good measure. It's easy to look great when expectations are low. When they're high, and you fall short of them, your true character shows. And Cam, you're not lookin' good homie. Take responsibility for your own actions. Quit blaming everyone when your lame ass is the one throwing 4th quarter picks. Boss the f*ck up!!!Question: What's really getting on your nerves right about now? Vent!!!
Chief Keef - Google it if you don't know who this guy is. Then you won't like him either. In any event, the advent of presumably marketable not-of-age trap rappers inevitably begins the slippery slope towards pure, unadulterated coonery. Witness Lil' Poopy. No, this isn't a joke, BTW. He has a mixtape. It's worse than Afghanistan.
That Really Buff Chick At Gold's Gym Who Looks At Me Sideways While I'm Lifting - Yeah, I get it: you're really strong, and you're a girl. And yeah, push come the shove, you could prolly outlift me. Correction: you could definitely outlift me. Great. But if you give me that "I wish he'd hurry up and finish so I can put some real weights on that bar" look one more time... we gon' have some problems, Zena Warrior Princess.
Cable News Pundits - I'm not sure why this didn't occur to me sooner, but switching between the 3 major cable news networks the other night after the Obama/Romney debate, it hit me: This isn't "news". At all. This is just entertainment. The goal of cable news isn't to inform: it's merely to affirm what people already are feeling. It's why Fox News and MSNBC can give two wholly different spins on the very same issue. It's why CNN is so lousy and wishy washy. At the core, this sh*t is just entertainment, and it's not even particularly good entertainment.
The Washington Redskins Secondary - I'll be real here: I'm not a football fan. You already knew this of course, but let me repeat it just in case you missed the memo: I don't like football. I realize how this makes me seem like a less than Real Amurrican, but eff' it. I like what I like, and what I like is basketball. RGIII is making September-October more than "a placeholder till the NBA season begins" for me though. I'm on the bandwagon. Not the "buy a jersey" bandwagon, just the "tune in, watch the whole game, and be slightly dissapointed at the inevitable loss" bandwagon. I just can't get in full blown "buy a jersey" mode until the Redskins and their worse-than-ass-cancer secondary gets blown up tho'. Sorry. As long as a big mouth/little talent guy like D'Angelo Hall is gainfully employed, I'm not giving Daniel Snyder a dollar.
Children's Birthday Parties - As I've said on the podcast (hey, whatever happened to that?) a million times, I spend most every weekend at some random kid and one of my sons' schools parties? Was that last sentence grammatically correct? Ionno. But I do know that when you invite my kid to your party, and we show up, your a$$ is legally obligated to return the favor. These are the rules. If you break them, you pretty much have just issued me and my free weekends a major "f*ck you". To which I retort, "no, f*ck you". Just see what happens next year when you invite us.
Paul Ryan - The gig is up on this guy. Once everyone finally realized this alleged "policy wonk" didn't even know the specifics of his own "policy", there wasn't much left to talk about other than P90X. And let's face it, you're a total douche if you actually bought and finished P90X, mostly because people who buy P90X do so because they like to brag to other people about doing P90X. Too bad P90X isn't an actual VP qualification, cause Ryan would have Biden beat. On issues? Not so much.
The New Blogger Interface - One month in, and I still can't figure out how to spellcheck. This is some bullsh*t, and it's roughly 50% responsible for the dropoff in new posts here on AB.com. The other 50%? Well, that would be my baby daughter. So yeah, blame Blogger.
The LiveStong "My Plate" App - Excellent concept. And I've lost weight as a result of tracking my calories (15 pounds since August!!!). But Jesus, the only thing more unorganized than this interface is Lance Armstrong's coverups. Fix this, and fix it now, people! Sheesh!