Wednesday, August 29, 2012

RNC Night One Recap/Open Mic.

Yeah, I watched it, so you don't have to. All of it. Here are my quick takeaways...

We Built This! - While I find it amazing that the GOP built their entire convention around the false premise of a mangled soundbyte, something even more ironic stuck out to me. They protest government interference, but are attending a convention that's secured by policemen, paid for by government grants, and taking place in a sports arena mostly paid for by taxpayers. Anyone with an iota of self-awareness would note the folly in this equation, but this is the GOP we're talking about. The same people who had Herman Cain ahead in the polls for a good month last year. Yep, they built this.

Diversity Of Color Isn't Diversity Of Thought - It's easy to look at last night's lineup that feature two blacks, a few Hispanics, one Sikh, and one certified idiot (Santorum) and conclude that the GOP is expanding its tent. Whatever. They all spouted the same numbnutted "We Built This!" nonsense, so does that really equal diversity?

Mia Love Has A Future. Somewhere. - I'll give the GOP this much: Mia Love, the black female Mormon running for Congress from Utah (whew!) comes across as polished[1] and while an Obama attack dog, is mild mannered and professional. She prolly will lose her election in November, but the party would be wise to either move her somewhere she can win, or redraw her district so she can win. She's a fresh face (although notably lacking in fresh ideas) who I can easily see holding court on Fox News. I wouldn't vote for her, but at least she's something (somewhat) new.

Birthers In The Hizzouse! - Janine Turner, washed up 80's actress and frequent Lifetime Movies For Women Heroine, took the stage after Love and spouted a bunch of jibberish about "freedom". She's also a noted birther, so take that for what you will.

Artur Davis Is For Sale - This Negro here... Man, I gotta tell ya'. When I see turncoats like Davis, it just reminds me of that old adage made famous by a certain 80's wrassler. "Everyone has a price." Apparently, the GOP paid Davis in nickels and headpats. And oh yeah, Negro, please cut that high top fade off. I know you're from Alabama and whatnot, but 1991 called. It wants its haircut back.

Boring White Guys - A procession of dry speakers whose names I should prolly know, but don't even care to Google padded the time between The Colored Folks Segment and Ann Romney. Other than Santorum, who said some really creepy stuff about hands for 10 straight minutes, none of this was memorable. Sorry.

Ann Romney Just Really, Really, Really Wants You To Love Her Husband. And Her. - In 2008, I remarked that while I enjoyed Michelle Obama's Denver speech, I found it a week bit sad that she had to expend so much energy convincing Americans that she wasn't some Angela Davis-style radical in disguise, just a hardworking woman who played by all the rules and came up. By contrast, Ann Romney's, "Sure, I got twin Cadillacs and a car elevator, but trust me, I'm just like you!" speech just came across as pandering. Seriously, Mrs. Romney, nobody beleives you and Mitt "struggled" and subsisted on tuna fish and crackers while living in a basement apartment. The fact that he comes from an affluent family and yours wasn't exactly poor either means you both had people you could fall back on. Most of us don't. Starting life on 3rd base and celebrating when you score a run doesn't make you great, nor an aspirational character. It just makes you sound phony. And oh yeah, we get it, you "love all the women!" Enough pandering already. Sheesh.

Chris Christie Is Out For Self - Seriously, if you didn't have any context, you woulda assumed Big C.R.I.S. was the one running for President. His speech has more "I's" and "Me's" than a a Kanye West song. He also didn't do his patented "attack dawg/curse out teachers" move and didn't mention Romney until the final minutes of his half hour speech, which meant the big man came across as soft and self-centered. Either this was an audition for 2016, or aimed at his NJ re-election bid in 2013, when Corey Booker will be coming for that title. Either way, I don't think Mitt was too happy about this one.

I don't plan on watching tonight's festivities, since my brain cells are already depleted enough, and the Redskins are playing. Priorities, people. Priorities.

Question: Did you watch any of "We Built This"-Fest 2012? What were your thoughts?

[1] Never mind those box braids.

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