Sunday, January 31, 2010

RHOA Nominated For NAACP Image Award. WTF?!?

I've read some patently absurd sh*t of late, but this might be right up there as the most ridiculous thing I've seen this year.
The 41st NAACP Image Awards nominations are in. "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" have received an Outstanding Reality Series nod for their "responsible" work on the hit Bravo network show. Interesting choice, on so many levels, but the ladies are reportedly "ecstatic and at a loss for words."

In a re-tweet from a proud Sheree Whitfield, a fan had this to say: RT @elle1913: Congrats 2 @IamSheree @Kimzolciak @NeNeLeakes 4 ur NAACP image award nom. Despite these haters on V103, I think ur fab!

There's been an ongoing public feud between the antics-filled show's cast and the morning crew of Atlanta's No. 1 rated radio program "Frank & Wanda Morning Show" on V103, which has fueled a negative perception of the show from the city's residents at large. The feud stems from the "housewives" cancellation of an interview appearance, due to fear of an ambush, in 2008 when the show started picking up steam. Attempts have been made since then to repair the ladies' reputation in their home city, but sentiments largely remain the same.

The NAACP nominating committee have often profferred questionable nominations and honorees and this inclusion is sure to provoke a host of favorable and unfavorable responses. Many in the black community feel the housewives perpetuate negative images of African Americans in the media, "honorary sister" Kim Zolciak aside.
Uhh, seriously, NAACP. The RHOA. "Image Award"? For real?

Is this really an "image" worthy of "awarding"?!?



I seriously doubt Rosa Parks moved to the front of the bus for this sh*t.

Come on, most of these broads ain't even wives. Few of them technically even "own" a home. There is nothing about this show worthy of celebration. Nothing.

Sure, RHOA is pure, harmless, scripted, escapist trash. But it's not worthy of anyone's "image" award. If we're diggin' in the reality crates, why not go hard? Where's Ray-J? Fantasia's shiftless little brother? I suppose Frankie And Neffie were just too lowbrow for the nominating committee. Either that, or someone actually bought She By Sheree.

And that's why the NAACP stays losing.

MLK is crying inside. WHERE IS OBAMA!?!?

Question: What exactly is the purpose of the NAACP Image Awards? Do shows like RHOA present an unhealthy "image" of Black America, or does Black America do a good enough job of this on their own?

NAACP Image Award Nod for 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' ... Seriously? [RollingOut]

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Axe Ball Cleaner.

"What about my ball sack?!?"



Question: Is this real?!?

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Get On Your SoapBox Day.

Sometimes when you blog, you run into issues getting posts out on the daily. The Fresh 7 days/week promise I made to you guys sometimes proves to be a bit difficult for me to keep up with. Today would be such a day, as the fine folks who sign my checks want me working. And working. And working.

So, today, the floor is open. You guys have proven to be a relatively self-sustaining online community. So, start some chatter amongst yourselves. Drop links. Get it poppin'. If you've ever wanted to write your own post for the rest of AverageNation™ to respond to, this is your day!

In the meatime, a few minor things that might (or might not) interest you:
Ed The SportsFan Rates The Top 10 NFL Running Backs - I beg to differ with this well reasoned list. Where the heck is Clinton Portis? Yes, that was a joke.

The Corey Holcomb Show - My favorite comedian has his own show on Sirius XM now. Be forewarned, the language is definitely not safe for kiddies. Download the latest episode here.

The Infamous Gary Coleman Mugshot - Seriously, Arnold, WTH!?!?

Jersey Shore - I just discovered the show, and all I gotta say is DANG! And I thought the Real Housewives Of Atlanta singlehandedly disgraced a whole race. Speaking of which...

RHOA Nominated For NAACP Image Award - Insert your own joke here.
Question: Got anything interesting you wanna talk with the rest of AverageNation™ about? Get the convo started you-know-where.

[1] Man, if there's a such thing as a slept-on classic tune, it's this one.

Behind The Blog - What's Up With All Them Gamblin' Ads?!?

You have probably noticed a bunch of ads sprouting up along the margins of this site in recent months, as well as the occasional sponsored post. And I know some of you are probably looking at me sideways and thinking "Damn, AB sold out!"

Truth be told, I wasn't crazy about the ads when I was first approached to start running them, but when I saw how much these folks were offering, I had to quickly reconsider.



Those simple text ads are placed here in the almighty name of SEO. That's it, and that's all. I'd love to not have to run them, but considering the money involved, it's hard to just say no. Seriously, I make more in 3 minutes putting up one of those ads than I would writing 10 freelance articles. They're also far more lucrative than the Google AdSense image ads, which, in case you haven't noticed, I have no content control over. Do you really think I'd be running a bunch of interractial fetish dating and Sarah Palin book ads if I had my way? Of course not. So, at least that's a bonus.

The quandary here is obvious: I'm a "positive black man"[1] with a website full of ads for services that ruin peoples lives. Or at least that's the way it appears on the surface.

I've long since come to terms with this. I think, just like any other thing, moderation is key. Irresponsible gaming is the fault of the gamer, not the casino. Am I still wading in slightly unsavory waters here? Sure, I suppose you could say that. But I wouldn't run malt liquor ads here, cause I hate malt liquor. I love Vegas. Live and let live. Let live and get money. It's a recession. Daddy needs some new New Balances. So, the ads stay, and there might even be more of em' coming.

Still, I'd be somewhat interested in knowing what ya'll think about this.

Question: What do you think about AB.com running gaming ads? Does this somewhat cheapen the website, or do you only care about the content here, not the ads?

[1] I really hate that term. Really.

SOTU Open Thread.

Ok, Obama's got one under the belt. How'd he do? Too centric? Too boring? Just right?

Have at it.

Question: What did you think of Obama's first State Of The Union Address?!?

The iPad Is Unveiled.

Apple finally unveiled its next great "creation", and I'm a bit underwhelmed. Honestly, I can't see how this is such an improvement on the iPod Touch. Bigger screen and fuller keyboard, sure? But what's the killer app that makes this any better than your standard netbook? I just don't see it.



The price points (starting at $499) are right, but I fail to see how this product is the quantum leap it hass long been rumored to be. Explain if you know.

Question: What do you think of the iPad?!? You getting one?

3 Play Thursday - Best Slow Jams Of The 00's.

It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Best Slow Jams Of The Last Decade.

Okaaaaay, so black music officially jumped the shark last decade. That doesn't mean the occasional quality tune didn't drop. Here's a handful of my favorites.

"Beautiful (Caught Up)" - Tweet (2002)



Remember when Tweet and Ashanti both came out, sorta like the same way Alicia Keys and India.Arie both came out and the same time, and were sorta pitted as rivals? Obviously, Keys won her death match, because India.Arie is working at an Atlanta area Sizzler. I suppose Ashanti beat Tweet, but that's strictly on the basis of longevity, not quality of music. Her debut album was very solid.

Ruff Endz - "Someone To Love You" (2001)



Hint #1 That Your Record Label Doesn't Think You Look Good Enough To Sell Records: You don't even get to be the star love interest in your own video. That's cool though, cause this song will still get spins 20 years from now.

Glenn Lewis - "And Don't You Forget It" - (2001)



This guy was a little too weird acting, and never made it big either, but again, nice tune.

Question: Got any favorite slow jams made in the 00's?!?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

AB Goes To The Movies - Black Dynamite.

Sometime after I finished college, I really got heavy into those 70's blaxploitation flicks for a minute. I product of the (mid) 70's myself, I only vaguely recall this era of urban cinema, but somewhere along the way, I found myself very interested, and ended up buying dozens of DVD's of the best flicks. From Coffy, to Sweetback Badass Song, to Blackula, I got a bunch of these films in my personal stash, for reasons even I can't truly comprehend.

Let's face it, these movies were routinely awful. The plots were all the same. The dialogue was laughably horrible. They were racist as all get-out. They were mind numbingly stereotypical. They were cheesy. The soundtracks was generally the sorta crap you hear in pRon. They were movies for us, about us, and made by Jewish people. About the only good thing to come out of this era was, of course, the lovely Pam Grier.

In recent years, movies lampooning this special genre of film have sprouted up from time to time. There were movies like I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Pootie Tang, and Undercover Brother, all of which were able to recapture the spirit of the era, but mostly for comedic effect.



Black Dynamite, a movie that's been lurking about the internet for awhile in some form or fashion, is just now making it to movie screens. Unlike the other films, Dynamite is more of an homage to the long-deceased genre, and as such, I suspect it's a film that only folks who like these kinds of movies will enjoy.

Wikipedia's short synopsis says "In 1972, Black Dynamite, a former CIA agent, is called back into the business when the mafia kills his brother, fills black orphanages with heroin, and floods the street with bad malt liquor. He soon discovers a vast conspiracy." And yeah, that's pretty much the extent of the plot.

This movie, given the type of films it's mimicking, can only be so good, and it more or less lives up (or down, depending on your view) to that expectation. The plot's overly simplistic, the dialogue is hokey, and the fight scenes are outrageously cheesy. In other words, it's a dead ringer for the movies it's paying honor to. Perhaps even better is the extreme attention to technical detail. The slightly discolored hue, "fake scratches or digitally generated retro deterioration", are all authentic, because the movie was shot on film. Anyone familiar with blaxploitation flicks will appreciate this.

I also happened to enjoy the cast, which is a who's who of Black Hollywood D-Listers. Michael Jai White (Spawn, Why Did I Get Married?) plays the title character with the same level of lousy acting chops as Richard Roundtree in Shaft, but given the material, this works perfectly. Other familiar faces like Salli Richardson, Kym Whitley, Arsenio Hall, Chris Spencer, and Tommy Davidson round out the cast.

This definitely isn't a film for everyone, but if you're a fan of the genre, there's a good chance you'll appreciate Black Dynamite.

Final Verdict - I liked it. Whether you do or not likely has a lot to do with your understanding of the point of reference. Skip the internet bootleg and go support this film. 3 Stars (Out Of 5)

Question: Have you seen Black Dynamite? Got any blaxploitation favorites of your own?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Dumb Blond(e) Moments.

Although I pride myself on being the intelligent, well-rounded black man ya'll tune in to read on the daily, reality is, I ain't no perfect man. I'm trying to do the best that I can. With what it is I have.

I'm 36 32 years old, and there are somethings I still do not know about life that I'd be embarrassed if other folks found out. Likewise, I sometimes do some really, really, really dumb stuff that just leaves my wife shaking her head, partially in amazement, and partially in disgust. You know, sorta like this...



I call these things Dumb Blond(e) Moments[1], and I'd like to share a few with you, mostly for therapeutic reasons, but also because I'd like to know if I'm alone in not knowing this stuff, or if I'm truly just stupid.
I am old as I am, and do not know how to tie a necktie properly. Yes, my Dad taught me how, but it just never clicked. I have my brother, who lives 45 minutes away, tie every new necktie I get, and I pray it doesn't become unravelled.

I didn't realize until a few days ago that "ScrubFree" bathtub cleaner actually does what it says it does. If you just spray and leave it there, the ring will magically disappear. And all these years, I've sprayed, and then scrubbed. I feel so stupid.

I bought a "self propelled" lawnmower about 3 years ago, and have toiled with the steep hill in my back yard ever since. A month or so ago, I mistakenly hit this bar, just under the mower's handle, and the lawnmower started moving on it's own.

I just learned how to snap my fingers about a year ago.

I still cannot do the "new" Electric Slide, more than 2 decades since it came out.

I don't know if you spell the word "Blond" or "Blonde".

I grew up in the South, and still sorta live there, but I have never eaten chitlins'. Or lima beans. Or green peas. Or creamed corn.

I've googled the term repeatedly, but I still don't understand what a Technorati rating is, or why it matters.

I do not know how to properly blow my nose. I'd rather not elaborate.
Okay, that was great, and sorta embarrassing. But we're all family here, so I want to hear your Dumb Blond(e) Moments.

Question: Got any Dumb Blond(e) Moments of your own you want to share? Is it spelled "Blond" or "Blonde"?!?

[1] No disrespect to any blond(e) readers.

Black, White, Or Other?!? - The Chicken Fryin', Hair Cuttin' Burglar.

Stereotypes are a way of life in America. We feed into them so readily that they take on a life of their own. But just how well do you really know your racial stereotypes?

Black, White, Or Other?!? lists a particularly heinous crime/news story, with incriminating bits of info omitted for the sake of confidentiality. Your job is to guess whether the protagonist is black, white, or the omnipresent "other", and to tell why you guessed how you did. The best guessplanation wins a week's supply of Cyber CapriSuns. And yeah, you could prolly Google the news story to find out the race of the person, but what sorta loser does that? Seriously.

I hate stating the obvious, but since some folks can't follow instructions, I must. If you've already heard about the story, do not answer! Be a good sport. Don't cheat.

Anyways, here's today's entry...
A [redacted] man broke into a [redacted] home on Sunday, cut his hair, took a shower, cooked fried chicken then refused to leave when the homeowner found him watching television, court records say.

According to court records, [redacted], of the first block of [redacted] Street, broke into the home in the first block of [redacted] Street by smashing the front door window with a large rock.

[redacted], who lives at the home, told police she came back to find [redacted] sitting in her television room. She told police she did not know the man and he refused to leave.

Police said it appeared as though [redacted] had visited every room in the house. [redacted]' family photos were turned face down and several photos were taken off the walls. Dressers and closets had been rummaged through. [redacted] had also allegedly taken a shower and cut his hair in the kitchen, where he was also preparing fried chicken.

[redacted] was arrested and charged with burglary, criminal trespass, theft and criminal mischief. He was sent to [redacted] County Prison in lieu of $15,000 bail.
Question: Is the hair cuttin', chicken eatin' burglar Black, White, Or Other? Why?

Monday, January 25, 2010

Maybe President Obama Reads AB.com, After All.

For months and months, I've sounded the repetitive drumbeat of criticism surrounding the Obama Administration, in particular two things: Leadership Style and Control Of Message (Or Lack Thereof).

Some have assailed me as being a hater, while overlooking the fact that I mostly agree with him on areas of substance. It's style where he's so sorely lacking. After a year of my grovelling, and a year of sinking approval ratings, it seems like Barry and Co. are finally listening to the denizens of AverageNation™. Either that, or after watching months of ObamaCare negotiations implode when some dude named Scott Brown won the Mass Senate Seat, now the Obama WH is scared straight. The consensus of last week's poll was that Obama and Co. could still salvage things.

Either way, I was happy to see the news that quiely came out this weekend, that Barry's gettin' the band back together.
President Obama is reconstituting the team that helped him win the White House to counter Republican challenges in the midterm elections and recalibrate after political setbacks that have narrowed his legislative ambitions.

Mr. Obama has asked his former campaign manager, David Plouffe, to oversee House, Senate and governor’s races to stave off a hemorrhage of seats in the fall. The president ordered a review of the Democratic political operation — from the White House to party committees — after last week’s Republican victory in the Massachusetts Senate race, aides said.

In addition to Mr. Plouffe, who will primarily work from the Democratic National Committee in consultation with the White House, several top operatives from the Obama campaign will be dispatched across the country to advise major races as part of the president’s attempt to take greater control over the midterm elections, aides said.

As Mr. Obama prepares to deliver his State of the Union address on Wednesday and lay out his initiatives for the second year of his presidency, his decision to take greater control of the party’s politics signals a new approach. The White House is searching for ways to respond to panic among Democrats over the possible demise of his health care bill and a political landscape being reshaped by a wave of populism.

Improving tactical operations addresses only part of his challenge. A more complicated discussion under way, advisers said, is how to sharpen the president’s message and leadership style.
Plouffe, for those unaware, was the architect behind the 50 state, race neutral candidacy that got Obama elected, despite all the odds stacked against him. The man is a master at both crafting, and dictating the message. While it's fair to say his hiring is more geared towards preparation for the Fall 2010, and 2012 Presidential elections, there's little doubt that he'll have a big hand in helping reform the big issues the administration has in terms of being proactive with messaging. The proof will inevitably be in the pudding when tomorrow's SOTU speech is delivered.

If there's anything Barack Obama is not, it's stupid. You don't get a resume his length by being stupid. I think he's taken stock of everything that's happened in his first year, what went well, and what didn't and this decision to bring Plouffe back out of retirement is proof positive that he's got his ear to the ground.

We'll see how this pans out in the weeks and months ahead.

Question: From a messaging and leadership standpoint, what does President Obama need to do to get things back on track?

Obama Moves to Centralize Control Over Party Strategy [NYT]

AB Goes To Redbox - Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself.

[Editor's Note: Yes, I realize EbonyGentleman reviewed this months ago. Consider this an addendum of sorts.]

As ya'll know, I'm at peace with Tyler Perry. Many months ago, I finally came to the conclusion that Perry was no more a perpetuator of stereotypical images than any other person in the media, and it's unfair for everyone to pile on him. Simply put, the guy is a hustler, and just because his hustle doesn't appeal to me personally doesn't mean somebody doesn't like it. And apparently, given Perry's box office success, there are lots of somebodies who enjoy and occasional mindless diversion from everyday life, my spouse included. Nuff' said.



With that stated, I Can Do Bad All By Myself was the first TP movie whose previews looked so bad that even my wife didn't want to both seeing it in the theaters. Instead of dropping $40 to go see this, we waited a few weeks and caught the Redbox rental for a mere dollar. If you ain't familiar with Redbox, get familiar. And no, that is not a paid endorsement, just like my months and months of free ads for Netflix weren't a paid endorsement. Reality is, if you want to save money, and are only really interested in new releases, Redbox >>>>> Netflix. On the other end of the spectrum, watching grass grow >>>>> BlockBuster. Man, when did that franchise fall so far the eff' off?

But I digress, I Can Do Bad All By Myself was a hard movie to categorize from the trailers, and its an even harder movie to categorize in totality. A boozy, floozy cabaret singer named April (Taraji P. Henson) finds her life turned upside down when she is forced to take in her sister's children after their grandmother goes mysteriously missing. The long neglected kids shine the light on just how cruddy April's life really is. She curses like a sailor, beds a married man who pays all her bills, and has completely cut off the rest of her family. The house only gets more crowded when April takes in a mysterious Latin drifter (Adam Rodriguez) as a favor to the local pastor. Lots of gospel sanging, crying, flashbacks to childhood horrors, and the obligatory "come to Jesus" church scene ensue. If you can't see how this movie will unfold as the opening credits are running, then clearly you've never seen a TP movie.

I'll just be honest: this movie is pretty lousy. Henson does her best to rise above the hamhanded dialogue, but there's only so much she can do. This movie is just so terribly overridden with cliches (abusive boyfriend, too cute kids, prince charming), it's almost laughable that anyone would consider this a quality film. Perhaps worst of all is the location. This movie is the first to be shot entirely on the premises of Perry's brand new Atlanta studios, and it's so obvious the film is shot on a backlot that it's comical. The same car is seen coming out of the same driveway 5 times during a single scene. The set is supposed to be "Atlanta", but when I last checked, ATL didn't have New York style brownstones. I'm happy Perry was able to pull off such an entrepreneurial feat, but for a guy who unusually has a decent eye for the camera, this all just comes off as so cheesy. I realize it's cheaper to make movies this way, as opposed to on location, but Lord, the end result looks like a cross between a telenovella and a Sci-Fi Channel Original movie. Sorry for getting all technical on ya'll, but this was just inexcusable.

In the end, this movie is little more than disposable entertainment, but it's easily Perry's worst movie yet, and that's saying a lot.

Final Verdict - Hey, it's just $1. If this is your thing, hit the Redbox. 1.5 Stars (Out Of 5)

Question: Did you see I Can Do Bad All By Myself?!?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A KlanBall™ Update.

Wow, this guy's even more stupid in person.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

A Love Song For Gamers.

Yeah, I know this is a few months old, but it's still funny.



For those DC folks wondering what Huggy Lowdown looks like, that's him in the first segment.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Sex Addict Or Mere Opportunist?!?

Tiger Woods went into deep seclusion after that Mrs. Tiger took that 5-iron to his head last month, and despite reports of Sasquatch-like "Tiger sightings" in the weeks since, dude hadn't officially been seen until the other day. Turns out he checked himself into some treatment center in rural Mississippi, where he's reportedly been getting help for his "sex addiction".



Sorry, but could someone please explain the whole term "sex addiction" to me? Cause where I stand, this smells like some PR bull.

Let's face it, the only problem with what Woods was doing was the fact that he was married while he did it. Period. Famous dudes (and women) get it thrown at them all the time, and they gladly catch it. This is not an addiction, it's called amazing fortune indulgence.

Derek Jeter's selection (and prolly frequency) of jumpoffs is of a far higher quality than Mr. Woods for very obvious reasons, but I've yet to hear anyone refer to him as an "addict". Hell, if 15 chicks in a 10 year professional career makes him an "addict", then what does that make the average NBA player, Congressman, or hair band guitarist? A "junkie"?

Again, the problem here is not the number of women that Woods boned on the side, it's the fact that they were on the side. That's it, and that's all. I suppose someone could argue that the "addiction" stems from Woods' inability to keep it in his pants once he was married. Okay, I suppose there's some merit to that.

But let's face it: dude's getting divorced. There's no reason to go celibate now. If nothing else, he should be able to expand his variety of selections now that there's no societal pressure to keep sh*t under wraps. He can upgrade to Ruth's Chris waitresses now. Eff' a Perkins.

I know a Grand Hu$tle when I see one, and we all know this is little more than a nice PR tactic to setup his inevitable comeback tour. It'll be nice fodder for the obligatory Oprah/Diane Sawyer soft-focused lens interview. And he'll be back on the PGA by Independence Day, and everyone's favorite redemption story by Christmas.

Because isn't that always how it works?

Question: Is there such a thing as a sex addiction, or are some guys just luckier than others? Is this little more than a PR tactic, or do you think Woods is truly getting in touch with his inner monk?

Tiger Woods photographed outside sex rehab clinic [VCSun]

Thursday, January 21, 2010

KlanBall™ - The Whites-Only NBA?!? Wigga Please.

Some stuff just needs to be seen to believed. I'd usually start off with my pithy commentary here, but why bother? Feast your eyes on this one.



I usually hate quoting news stories to this degree, but I didn't want to omit any details.
A new professional basketball league boasting rosters made up exclusively of white Americans has its eyes set on Augusta, but the team isn't receiving a warm welcome. The All-American Basketball Alliance announced in a news release Sunday evening that it intends to start its inaugural season in June and hopes Augusta (GA) will be one of 12 cities with a team.

"Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league," the statement said.

Don "Moose" Lewis, the commissioner of the AABA, said the reasoning behind the league's roster restrictions is not racism.

"There's nothing hatred about what we're doing," he said. "I don't hate anyone of color. But people of white, American-born citizens are in the minority now. Here's a league for white players to play fundamental basketball, which they like."

Lewis said he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of "street-ball" played by "people of color." He pointed out recent incidents in the NBA, including Gilbert Arenas' indefinite suspension after bringing guns into the Washington Wizards locker room, as examples of fans' dissatisfaction with the way current professional sports are run.

"Would you want to go to the game and worry about a player flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch?" he said. "That's the culture today, and in a free country we should have the right to move ourselves in a better direction."

The Atlanta-based league, which will operate as a single-entity owning all of its teams, is looking for local contacts to pay $10,000 to become a "licensee" in one of 12 cities throughout the Southeast. Lewis said he has already received threats from people opposed to the roster restrictions and several cities have told him to stay out of town. Lewis said he has yet to hear from any one in Augusta.

"We need a local person ingrained into the community to make this successful," he said.

Lewis said he expects to eventually find support in every town with a team.

"People will come out and support a product they can identify with. I'm the spoken minority right now, but if people will give us a chance, it'll work... The white game of basketball, which is essentially a fundamental game, works."

Lewis said he wasn't sure where the team will play.
Here's the obligatory local news report. I love how the anchor says the station's FaceBook page is "blowin' up". Sweet.



I'll resist the temptation to make an unnecessary statement about the lack of good white, American-born players in the NBA. But seriously, all race issues aside, what sort of talent does this guy expect to sign for a segregated league? There aren't even that many white dudes in the D-League as-is. You'll essentially scrubbing the bottom of the barrel here if you want to field anything better than a rec-league team. And BTW, who the heck would be caught dead at such a game? Will they allow black fans to buy tickets, or if the pure, fundamental game something only white fans can appreciate?

Then again, maybe this league would be pretty interesting, if only because we'd get to see stuff like this all the time.[1]



The A-ABA... Where Dap-Jackin' Happens.

Given this "Moose" Lewis' sketchy past (the guy is a wrestling promoter. End of story), it's unlikely this ever comes to fruition, but the fact that anyone could even dream up the concept of KlanBall™ tells you enough about the fallacy of post-racial America.

That said, I really don't find this concept to be "racist". Sports leagues are as pure an example of free-market capitalism as they come. If it's legally admissible to have an all-women's or all men's league, why would there be a problem with an all-white league? I'd buy my Augusta GrandWizards™ replica jersey today, but I'm not sure they'd sell one to a "colored".

On the flipside, if Rush Limbaugh wanted to own a pro sports team, this is his best shot. Get yours, Rush. Get yours.

Question: Is this a Chappelle's Show skit turned real life, or is this "Moose" Lewis guy simply doing this for some sort of weird publicity stunt?!?

Basketball league for white Americans targets Augusta [AugChron]

[1] Boy, does Michael Jordan know how to pick talent or what?!!?

3 Play Thursday - Eddie Murphy.

It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Eddie Murphy.

With the crossover success (comedy, movies, singing) of Jamie Foxx, it's not so hard to imagine a comedian singing anymore, but some seem to have lost respect for the architect. Long before Wanda morphed into Ray, who morphed into "Blame It On The Alcohol", there was Eddie Murphy. Murphy, in short order, went from SNL standout, to box office gold with movies like 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. At the height of his popularity, Murphy then did something all self-indulgent stars, surrounded by sycophants and blow do: he tried his hand at singing.

The results, uhhh, well, judge for yourself...

"Party All The Time" ft. Rick James



It sounds and looks tacky now, but for the sheer novelty alone, this song was pretty popular back when it came out. Did folks clown Eddie for his tonedeaf oversinging? Yes. But this was "Rick James, B****!!!" And at his height, everything Rick James touched turned to platinum.

"Put Your Mouth On Me"



This one actually wasn't that bad. Mercilessly overproduced, yes. But terrible? No.

"I Was A King" ft. Shabba Ranks



Ahhh, the Shabba Ranks era. Yes, this was indeed terrible.

"Whatzupwitu" ft. Michael Jackson



Pause [||] on this whole song, and this terrible green screened video. I have nothing else to say.

Question: Assuming there is such a thing, what's your favorite Eddie Murphy tune?!?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Laugh Break - Corey Holcomb.

Corey Holcomb isn't a household name yet, but give him a minute. Yeah, this is pretty crass, sexist stuff, but tell me it ain't funny.

Kiss That Second Term Goodbye, Barry.

[Editor's Note: I had a "Barry's First Year" post scheduled to run for today, but seriously, after last night, what's the point? Maybe I'll run it later.]

More than anything else in life, I hate being proven wrong. It eats at the core of my Intelligent Negro Sensibilities, and whatnot. During the historic 2008 campaign, I kept wondering if the things I saw about Barack Obama that made me uncomfortable would somehow make him a lousy President, but I sooo didn't want Cotton Hill and Miss Sarah occupying the White House, I just looked the other way.

Everytime Obama "played it cool" when confronted with an obvious falsehood, I gave him credit for "taking the high road". Everytime he was punched, and refused to punch back, I wrote it off as "exercising self-control". Everytime he refused to sink to the level of his competition, I wrote it off as "not playing into an angry racial stereotype".

Now, on the one year anniversary of Obama's Inauguration, I'm wondering if I was just ignoring the obvious signs all along. This guy is not, and likely will not ever be, the sort of leader this country needs at this point in time, and with last night's election of some dude named Scott Brown to the US Senate seat vacated by Ted Kennedy, the GOP has the final vote needed to obstruct everything Obama wants to do.

And effectively, the Obama Presidency just ended.

Some of ya'll on Twitter last night said I was overreacting, but think about this a bit more deeply. The GOP have been hardcore obstructionists of everything Obama's done thus far, even his desire to increase funding for freakin' headstart programs. They don't give a sh*t about anything but getting re-elected. Period. Now that they've got the silver bullet in the Senate, there's virtually no chance of ObamaCare getting passed in any meaningful form. No chance of education reform. No chance of climate control legislation. Nothing. Anyone who thinks the Republicans are suddenly going to start behaving in a bipartisan fashion just delusional. No, they still have no greater ideas for fixing the country than Obama does, but they can block anything he attempts, which effectively renders him a lame duck. I wouldn't be surprised in the least bit to see even more seats in both the House and Senate switch hands this Fall. And the thing is, Obama has nobody to blame for this but himself.

Think about it: he essentially let a bunch of toothless, misinformed ingrates seize the news cycles spewing all sorts of nonsense about "death panels" the whole summer, but had no effective counter attack. He didn't keep Pelosi and Reid in any sort of check as they basically screwed around for months loading goodies into a HealthCare plan that should have been written and passed in weeks. When the GOP continually painted him as a big spender who would "tax our children and grandchildren into chattel slavery", he did nothing to point out the fact that he'd already cut most people's taxes, and the same GOP was still putting pork into every spending bill themselves.

I've said this a million times: perception is reality. If you're expecting most of America to pay attention to nuance, and be intelligent enough to look beyond BS, you are just plain stupid. There's a reason why Fox News has more viewers than CNN and MSNBC combined. A reason why Sarah Palin is considered an actual politician and not a walking punchline. A reason why folks tune in to people like Limbaugh, and Michael Savage, and Hannity, and other numbskulls. Every underestimate the power of dumb people. This country has a lot of dumb people. Apparently Obama wasn't smart enough to understand this, or he'd have been far more pro-active in getting his message out there, and marginalizing theirs.

Instead, he believed in the intelligence and the resolve of the American people to look beyond foolishness, and he believed wrong. Dead wrong. Don't get it twisted. A traditionally blue state doesn't go red 14 months after an historic landslide election for no reason. These folks weren't voting for some d-bag who drives a pickup truck, they were voting against Obama.

It pains me to write this, because this guy had so much potential. I took days off work to campaign for him. I gave money. I made calls.

I did my part. I wish he woulda done his.

Question: Am I overreacting (as usual), or did last night effectively signal the end of Obamania?!? Was the Mass special election about Brown vs Coakley, or was it actually America vs Obama? One year later, are you equally disillusioned? What, if anything, can Obama do to turn things around?

Things I Learned From Watching MSNBC's "Obama's America"

Recent news that Tavis Smiley was cancelling his annual Negro SoundByte Olympics barely sent a ripple through the black blogosphere. I think most folks, like me, saw the annual State Of The Black Union extravaganza as little more than a bunch of educated Negroes in nice suits pontificating about nothing. Sure, it shole is good seeing coloreds on the teevee, especially when those colored aren't named Ray J or Neffie, but reality is, SOTBU was a great idea that's been rendered irrelevant by the advent of black blogs and talk radio. There are lots of other places to share our opinions, and read others' opinions on those opinions in real time, on the daily now. There's no need to wait till February, and no need to find some predatory lender to underwrite the cost of Cornell West's veggie platter anymore.

Still, that doesn't stop cable news outlets from putting on their own versions of televised race-fests every now and then. CNN did the much maligned Black In America series. Fox News gave a few Negroes MetroCards and Gray's Papaya to hold court with Glenn Beck. MSNBC obviously wants in on this hot action, and thus, their live two-hour special Obama's America, which aired Monday night.

I still don't get the point of these shows. There's lots of big words, and lots of degrees, and lots of nice suits, but in the end, it all adds up to lots of talking and little doing.



But what, if anything, can the AverageBro take away from these sorts of shows?

Tom Joyner Is Not Very Bright - And by bright, I mean in the "smarts" sense, not the "lightskinnded" sense, because he's obviously very bright in that regard. While I give Joyner credit for having the big name and influence necessary to pull this whole thing off, I have to ask "what the heck of substance does he ever add to a conversation"?!? He's like a designated driver. You can't talk too much sh*t about him, because he's the one with the keys, but boy does he get on your nerves.

Chris Matthews Is Very Comfortable Around "The Blacks" - I'll give Matthews a lot of credit. Sure, the guy is his own running joke sometimes, but it takes guts to pull together this sort of symposium, then show up and act as the clueless moderator, who's eager to learn. When you contrast this with Beck's special, where he basically taxied in a bunch of sycophants, then proceeded to lecture them about what Negroes need to do, Matthews kept a respectful distance and asked thoughtful questions where necessary. Otherwise, he let the others run the show, as they should.



Between Matthews, the lovely Tamron Hall, and David Gregory's weird obsession with Mary J. Blige, I'd be willing to bet CNBC's Christmas party is pretty cool. Provided Pat Buchanan isn't invited, of course. Major buzzkill, that guy.

John McWhorter Is One Creepy Dude - Sorry, but something about that guy creeps me out. How is it possible to talk and have only your mouth (but none of the rest of your face) move? Weird dude. Just weird.

Where Are The White People?!? - I understand making blacks the focus of this race-related forum, given MLK day and all, but damn, at what point does the echo chamber get repetitive? America doesn't have a problem discussing race. White America has a problem discussing race, and until I see a similar forum with folks of all hues being open and honest about this country's problem, the dialogue will never advance.



Black People Just Luurve To Talk - Seriously, how much pointless rambling is going on here? I love Melissa Harris Lacewell's writing just as much as the next man, but c'mon, do you have a clue what the hell she's talking about in this clip? Me neither. On the bright side, as least Michael Eric Dyson, noted Intellectual Masturbator himself, wasn't invited. I wouldn't have made it past the first segment.

Stephen A. Smith's Hairline Is Atrocious - C'mon bruh. I want to take you seriously, I really do. But what the hell is up with that mini half-fro? You look like an HBCU Chancellor, not a serious brother with an informed opinion. Go get yourself one of those Steve Harvey Collection™ hairpieces, or just grab a pair of Wahls and be done with it. Let it go already. Marcus Houston, Mario, and Flo-Rida are crying inside.



We Ain't Gettin' No Reparations - Sorry, bruh. Your 40 acres and a mule were spent on that zoot suit and Kangol. And you should go back to the Galleria and ask for a refund.

Nobody Has A Solution For Anything - After two hours of this show, I walked away knowing nothing new about how to solve the complex issues that trouble the black community. There were plenty of $10 words, plenty of nice suits, and plenty of impressive titles on display here, but nary a tangible solution to be heard.

And I suppose that's the point of these shows anyway. After all, if we had the answers, what would they have left to discuss?!?

Question: Did you see "Obama's America"?!? What do you generally think of these televised discussions/debates on race? Are they informative, or merely the Intellectual Masturbation competition of The Negro Soundbyte Olympics?

GangLand Bus Tours?!?

As a guy who (still occasionally) travels for a living, I find myself being a tourist pretty often. While it sucks being on the road, often by yourself, it's also rather cool to say I've visited every major US city (except for, curiously, Detroit) at age 35. There isn't much I haven't seen.



That said, the first time you visit a city, you enter with the preconceived notions, usually colored by the media. The first time I went to Los Angeles, waaay back in the mid-90's, I had all sorts of delusions of gangsta life, fueled by years of listening to NWA and Ice Cube. Imagine my surprise when I nervously drove my ritzy rented Mustang GT convertible through the mean streets of Compton, only to find concerned homeowners tending to their lawns, kids playing double dutch, and flowers in full Spring bloom.

Obviously, the way a place looks in the daytime, and the way it looks at night are two different things, so I hightailed my a$$ back to Pasadena before sundown. But this whole "cultural anthropology" thing is something even I, a dude who grew up in a town with a "bad side of the tracks" found intriguing.

That said, I can sorta understand the premise of this unique bid'ness venture from an enterprising ex-gang member, but something about it just seems wrong.
Borrowing a bit from the Hollywood star tours, the grit of the streets and a dash of hype, LA Gang Tours is making its debut on Saturday, a 12-stop, two-hour journey through what its organizer calls “the history and origin of high-profile gang areas and the top crime-scene locations” of South Los Angeles. By Friday afternoon, the 56-seat coach was nearly sold out.

On the right, Los Angeles’s biggest jail, “the unofficial home to 20,000 gang members in L.A.,” as the tour Web site puts it. Over there, the police station that in 1965 served as the National Guard’s command post in the Watts riots. Visit the large swath of concrete riverbed taken over by graffiti taggers, and later, drop in at a graffiti workshop where, for the right price, a souvenir T-shirt or painting can be yours.

Alfred Lomas, 45, a former gang member and the creator of the tour ($65, lunch included), said this drive-by was about educating people on city life, while turning any profits into microloans and other initiatives aimed at providing gang members jobs.

But aside from its unusual logistical challenges — the liability waiver describes the tour as “inherently dangerous” and warns of the risk of death — the venture has also generated debate about its appropriateness. Chicago has a tour of Al Capone sites and Las Vegas has one devoted to the mob — but this gangland lore is still happening.

The odds of seeing an actual gang member on the street at the appointed hour — Saturday morning — are low, though Mr. Lomas said four or five members will be on the bus to keep watch and offer their stories. Many of the sites, like the location of the Symbionese Liberation Army shootout in 1974, take a lot of explaining to link with contemporary gangs.

Mr. Lomas rejected initial plans to drive through two housing projects, a concession, he said, to critics concerned it would be insensitive.
Here's the moving pictures, for those who prefer not reading.



So, in a down economy, people are shelling out $65 to take hood' safaris? F'real?!? Is this what's hot in the barrio right now?

Sorry, as touristy as I am, this just makes zero sense, given the possibility that some sh*t could actually jump off. Could you imagine your wife having to explain to your kids that Daddy's dead because he was killed in an accidental, voluntary drive-by, which BTW, he paid $65 for? Me neither.

If you want excitement, drive four-deep through the suburbs with a broken tail-light. That'll do it.

I applaud Mr. Lomas for turning his life around, and trying to turn a negative into a (profitable) positive, but maybe this ain't the right way.

Question: Would you pay for the "Gang Tour"?!? Does this tour only re-inforce negative stereotypes, or is it no worse than your typical "Star's Houses Tour"? What set you claim, fool?! Break yo' self!!!

A Gangland Bus Tour, With Lunch and a Waiver [NYT]

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

People I Strongly Dislike - Korean Barbers.

As ya'll know, my quest for a decent haircut in deep suburbia has been a series of one comical episode after another. There was the dude with the animated Superman website who would magically disappear for 3-4 hours while you waited in the chair. There was the angry Black Nationalist who called me a House Negro and refused to give me anymore haircuts after I had the nerve to question why he pushed my hairline back, as if I'm FloRida or some bama. Then, there were the Jamaicans who kept leaving you in the chair while they went for a "Cappuccino" run, which I eventually realized was code for "let's go smoke some weed in the alley behind Shopper's Food". It's just been a real pain.

Until I moved deep(er) in the burbs, I went to the same barber for years, but now this is a 45 minute ride back to the hood', and with a life and a family, who has time for that sh*t?!?

So for the past year or so, I've been going to a Korean family-owned shop around the corner from my house. The cuts are sufficient, and what the shop lacks in typical b-shop environment, it more than makes up for with cheap cuts ($12) and quick service (in and out in 20 mins). All things considered, this isn't a bad deal, although their insistence on clowning you (in their own language) if you don't tip them gets a bit annoying.

Anyways, since it's cold outside, I'm rockin' my customary mini blowout this winter. All the barber has to do is give me a shape up, and taper the temples a bit. It's like candy from a baby.

For some reason, these simple instructions got lost in translation the other day when I went in. The female barber went to work, and I wasn't really paying attention since (again) what I was asking for was simple. As usual, I went about my business of Tweeting, playing Spades, and doing miscellaneous nonsense on my BlackBerry. Then I realized, for some reason, she was cutting my back and sides. Hey, wait a damn minute![1]

By then, it was too late. She'd already trimmed my sides down to the point where my blowout was long gone. I was pissed, but well, she had clippers in her hands, what could I really do at this point? I just let her finish the haircut, paid my money (no tip, yes, she was pissed) and bounced.

Then I get home, and my wife sees my haircut, and has a damn ball clownin' me. Can you believe this woman was doing the Kid -N- Play kickstep?!?



This isn't funny at all.

So yeah, I'm in the market for another barber. Why is this so difficult?

Question: Do you have the same issues finding a halfway decent barber/hairdresser? How come everyone who cuts/does hair for a living is hella shady?

[1] I have "good" hair, so it's laid down and doesn't look as high as it first did, picked out. But it's still an effed' up haircut. I'd cut it on my own, but I got a shaky hand.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Was MLK Really A Republican?!?

It's Martin Luther The Kaing Day, and I'm sure most of ya'll are at home watching Judge Mathis getting ready to go to a march of some sort, just like Dr. King would have wanted. I happen to be employed by one of the few companies in the U.S. that doesn't close on King Day, so I'm working. No, I'm not bitter about this. Not one bit.

Anyways, it's long been stated (mostly by Republicans) that MLK was a member of the GOP. While this is likely historically correct (someone please confirm), it's completely irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, because most Negroes were Republicans back then. Somewhere along the way, we flipped sides, and now black folks reliably vote for the Dems at a 90% clip in most Presidential elections. Not that this matters to the poor sheeple that the noted bridger-of-racial-divides, Glenn Beck, bought on his show last week. What followed was one of the most mind-numbing hours of television I've ever personally witnessed. Unless you want to be nauseated by an insincere Beck pretending to give a sh*t about Haiti, just fast forward to the one minute mark.



Here's the thing that perplexes me about "Negro Conservatives" like Charles "Jolly Brown Bear" Payne, and that chick in the white blouse who looks like TD Jakes in a lacefront. Payne even admits the numbers/stats he's showing here are sorta skewed to prove a point. The point, is what, exactly?!?

Sorry, I just can't buy the nonsense that voting for Democrats is the reason why Negroes are locked into a cycle of poverty, crime, and broken families. If only we'd held our noses and pulled that lever for Cotton Hill and Miss Sarah, the lot in life of black chil'ren from Canton to Compton would be so much better than under the tyranny of Obama's Big Gubb'ment policies. It's just "The Man" still trying to hold a brotha down, although "The Man" is halfrican American.

If voting for Dems year in and year out is the reason for Black America's misfortune, how then do you explain the fact that the highest concentrations of black poverty are in Deep South states run by Republicans? And if voting Republican is indeed the answer, what exactly come poor whites in Appalachia, getting in return for their reliable GOP votes? And besides idiotic talking points like "free market capitalism", what actual legislation can these Black Conservatives point to that would dramatically change the fortunes of the communities they so desperately want to save? Never mind the fact that these folks are obviously so ashamed of, and probably live as far as possible from these very same communities. Charles Payne and Miss Lacefront Jakes care. They really do.

After watching this crap, I can only come to one conclusion: this particular brand of Black Conservative is simply trying seeking approval through political affiliation to make up for a litany of painful childhood memories. Either that, or the craft table at the Fox studios has some incredible crab cakes.

If MLK were alive today, I doubt he'd want to be associated with a bunch of pantywaisted losers who'd kiss the pasty Mormom ass of a man who'd accused the President of being a racist who hates "White Culture".[1] Nope, he'd be shaking his head at this display of toe tappin', and wondering just where he went wrong. Shame on you boot lickin', shiftless Negroes. Shame!

MLK is crying inside.

Question: Can you understand the pathology and mindset of the black Conservatives featured on The Glenn Beck Show? If MLK were alive today, would be be ideologically in lock step with these people? How come folks who love quoting MLK only seem to know a couple of lines from the "I Have A Dream" speech and little more?

[1] BTW, what the f*ck is "White Culture"? Someone care to elaborate?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

What's On AB's iPod?!? - The Roots LNJF Sandwiches.

I don't watch much late night TV, but I'll occasionally flip over to Late Night With Jimmy Fallon just to listen to the bumper music played by in-house band, The Roots. I still have no idea how such a lame show managed to nap the Legendary Roots Crew, but given the coming shakeups in NBC's late night schedule, Fallon might not have a gig much longer anyway.

Anyhow, Questlove went about the trouble of compiling a free EP full of performances from the show, the appropriately named Sandwiches, which is their term for the songs that play at the show goes to, and returns from commercial breaks. Most of the songs on this 22 track instrumental are jazzy in nature, with some afro-beat here, and a cover there, but there's the occasional headnodder as well. It's nice vibey background music (sadly, there's no Black Thought, these are all instrumentals) for your commute, or whatever. This prolly isn't for everyone, but why not take just download and decide for yourself.

The Roots free Sandwiches EP [HipHopLinguistics] - LINK FIXED

Saturday, January 16, 2010

I Been Had Lacoste.

Yep, Mr. Been Had is back. But seriously, I might actually have more Izods than Jose. I need to go check my closet.



"Guacamole Lacoste"

I'mma have to steal that line.

That Sh*t Is Racist.

They're Aussies, I guess we're supposed to assume they don't know any better, huh?



Question: Is this commercial racist, or merely culturally tone-deaf?!?

Friday, January 15, 2010

AB On Freedom Through Speech Radio This Sunday Night.

Tune in this Sunday night (1.17) at 8pm EST as I join Friends of AB.com, RiPPa, OneChele, and Max Reddick on their show, Freedom Through Speech Radio. Even better, Sunday night's other guest is none other than my homegirl Thembi. Seriously, that's one helluva lineup. We're like the 03' Lakers!

We'll be shooting the breeze about Obama's first year in office, the resurgence of the word "Negro", and the situation in Haiti.

Tune in and call in. Trust me, it'll be entertaining.

Freedom Through Speech Radio

When Life Imitates Art. And Vice Versa.

As an information junkie, I consume a lot, and I do mean LOT of talk radio and cable news. A staple of such shows is putting two people with diametrically opposed viewpoints (ie: Liberal vs Conservative) in a steel cage and having them duke it out with each other. While the thinking man in me naturally hates seeing people with dogmatically polarizing opinions go at it[1], I'll admit, this is much more fun than watching a thorough and nuanced analysis of an issue. Nobody like nuance. Nuance is for suckers, and people who live in Takoma Park and drive Subarus, who are also suckers. Two overly -iased people in a death match? Well, that's just plain' ole' good TV.

Still, anyone with half a brain knows this is just a show. It's not even humanly possible for two people to disagree on everything. It just isn't. In my short radio career, I saw this dynamic in action several times, as two people would literally be at each other's throats on-air, then the minute their segment was over, they'd return to the green room to retrieve their belongings and make plans to meet for lunch at the Legal Seafood on 7th Street. It was clear that neither of the folks were all that strong in their convictions. They were simply non-SAG actors with easy-to-memorize scripts, also known as party talking points.

I was reminded of this peculiar dynamic when someone forwarded me this clip from Hannity (a show I simply refuse to watch anymore. It's just a waste of brain cells) the other night. Watch as Rebb'n Al and the infamous Ann Coulter go in on the Harry Reid "Negro" situation. Around the 3:40 mark, Coulter (who just seems to get thinner, and creepier looking every year) literally tells a grown-assed man to "shush". And he barely flinches, which is how you know this is not real.

No self-respecting black man would allow himself to be shushed by a tranny on national TV. And when I last checked, Rebb'n Al (despite those predatory lending commercials he did) had plenty of dignity. The man was James Brown's weedcarrier for crissakes. That's the definition of dignity. Say it loud!



I swear, if you look at Rebb'n Al's initial reaction, it looks like his pimp hand is reflexively about to snap into action, until he remembers the check he's about to cash. Now that woulda been good TV. But of course, they make nice by the end of the clip, just like we knew they would. And then I'm reminded of this classic clip from my favorite animated show of all time.[2]



Is Coulter really that down when the cameras are off? Unlikely, but I wouldn't be surprised if this same scene's actually played out in some fashion.

Question: How much of cable news "debates" are just loosely scripted skits? Do these folks really believe what they're saying, or is it just a Grand Hu$tle, disguised as political activism?!?

[1] Because it just cements the "pick a side, and defend it to the death" ethos that's so wrong about American politricks.

[2] When is The Boondocks returning? Anyone know?!?

Why The NBA Is The Best Sport, Evar.

I can't even spell this guy's name, but just two weeks ago, he was toiling in the D-League for about $20k/year, taking 12 hour bus rides, eating Top Ramen for dinner, and playing in front of crowds of 500.

Last night, in his 5th NBA game ever, he hits a game-winner to beat the Cavs on national TV. In what other sport could such a fairy tale happen?!?



I love this game. It's fantastic.

Behind The Blog - How AB.com Posts Are Made.

As you might imagine, with a demanding full time gig, a lovely wife, two young kids, and plenty of extracurricular interests, keeping this blog going and updated 7 days a week is no small feat. I pride myself on keeping posts relevant, so I seldom take shortcuts and just plop down links. Nope, AB.com is all about fresh content and stimulating convo, and this requires work.

I get my post ideas from everywhere. I'm what you might call an information junkie. I have all sorts of newspaper/blog apps on my iPod. I have about 100 sites on my RSS reader. I listen to all sorts of news/opinion shows on Sirius XM. And yeah, I even read an actual newspaper each day. Somewhere in the process, a blog post idea sticks, and since I'm a pretty quick typer, I can pull together a decent post in about 5-10 minutes, with photos, links, and video included. I spellcheck, but seldom worry about grammar. If only I could apply this same focus to other aspects of my life. I might could be dangerous!

On the other hand, many of the non-time sensitive posts you read here at AB.com are written weeks, sometimes, months in advance and put in the hopper to auto-publish when desired. This includes our weekly staples like 3 Play Thursdays, Black White Or Other, What's On AB's iPod, Ad Nauseum, and all the viral videos that run here on the weekends. These are usually prewritten when I find myself with some rare downtime.

My aim (as I've stated repeatedly) is to finally buckle down and pursue a paying gig at some point this year. I love writing, and making some side money/pocket change for all the grunt work would be nice. One of these days, it'll happen. Till then, if you like what you see, give the drummer some, and drop a lil' somethin' in the Tip Jar, which is to your right. Your donations are greatly appreciated.

- Jay

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Don't Drop The Soap, Gil.

The Feds don't play. Gilbert Arenas just found out firsthand.
Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas was charged Thursday with felony gun possession, a crime that carries a maximum five years in jail and a fine, authorities said.

The charge was announced Thursday afternoon by the U.S. Attorney's office for the District.

Arenas's attorney and prosecutors had been negotiating a plea deal during the day and it was not immediately clear whether the filing of charges was a part of the deal. Court officials said they had been told to prepare to have Arenas in Superior Court on Friday.

The U.S. Attorney's office alleged that on Dec. 21, Arenas "did carry, openly and concealed on or about his person, in a place other than his dwelling place, place of business or on other land possessed by him, a pistol, without license issued pursuant to law."

The guns became an issue after Arenas and Wizards teammate Javaris Crittenton got into an argument after a card game and Crittenton allegedly said he should shoot Arenas in his surgically repaired left knee, sources have said. Days later on Dec. 21, after a practice at Verizon Center, Arenas placed the guns on a chair next to Crittenton's locker with a note that said "pick one."

A grand jury began hearing testimony in the case on Jan. 5. But it was not immediately clear whether Thursday's charges came from the grand jury or directly from prosecutors.
I seriously doubt that dude gets a day of jailtime (although he did have a prior gun charge), because good lawyers can usually keep you out the clink, and all things considered, this wasn't that serious a crime. But at the bare minimum, the Monday Morning Attorney in me says this gives the team enough ammunition (no pun) to void the rest of his $116M contract. I mean, seriously, you can't market your star point guard to impressionable kiddies when he's a predicate felon. The team can now cut bait, trade away their other vets, and start over with a fresh salary cap and some high draft picks. I'm prayin' for John Wall.

Arenas will probably be suspended for the rest of the year while he does his probation, and be re-instated in time for next season. If all goes well, he'll end up on some Western Conference team (Phoenix is a good fit on paper) and still recover some of this money. After all, the guy is a combo guard who was averaging 22/7 when he got suspended. Lots of teams will have a shot at signing him for crackhead prices, and he'll have plenty of suitors. He'll be redeemed. A bit less wealthy, but still redeemed.

It's sad to see one of my favorite players of all time go out like this, but well, a divorce is probably for the better in this case. The guy was a source of lots of sporting enjoyment for me during his time here in DC. He did a dumb thing, and he'll pay, but I'm still a fan. Here's to hoping Agent Zero learns from his mistakes and emerges from all this a better man.[1]



Thanks of the memories, Gil. Keep your head up.

Question: What sort of sentence will the courts give Arenas? What suspension will the NBA hand out? Is it fair for the team to void his contract? Will these Negroes ever learn?

Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas is charged with felony gun possession [WashPost]

[1] As for Javaris Crittenton, the moron teammate who actually did bring a loaded gun into a locker room, I sure hope you enjoy bus rides, cause I hear the D-League has plenty of em'. Good riddance, chump.

Haiti Needs Your Help.

Do the right thing and help out our brothers and sisters in Haiti. Sacrifice one trip to Starbucks and provide humanitarian aid to those in need.



Do whatever's easier for you. Just do something.

The American Red Cross – Text “Haiti” to 90999 to donate $10, visit redcross.org or call (800) RED-CROSS.

Wyclef Jean’s Yele Haiti Foundation – Text “Yele” to 501501 to donate $5 or visit yele.org.

The Clinton Foundation – Text “Haiti” to 20222 to donate $10or go to clintonfoundation.org.

Donate at SaveTheChildren.org.

Donate at World Food Programme.

R.I.P. Teddy Pendergrass

Rest in peace to Mr. Teddy Pendergrass, a man responsible for the birth of more black children than Shawn Kemp. A true pioneer of babymakin' music.



If you're somehow unfamiliar with Teddy P's work, get familiar with this nice tribute mix by Shade 45's DJ Wonder. It has some original tunes, as well as quite a few hip hop songs that sampled them. I love the internet.

Rest in Peace, Teddy.

Teddy Pendergrass Dead at 59 [ABCNews]

WorkPlace 101: Take This Job... And Shove It.

Even in the depths of an economic recession, reality is, a majority of Americans still roll out of bed each morning and head off to a job. And jobs come in all shapes, sizes, and salaries. Some are great (ie: NBA player), some are not so (ie: strip club janitor) great, but bills must be paid.

Recently, the jobs site CareerCast came out with a list of the 200 best jobs for 2010. The rankings took into consideration things like Environment, Income, and Stress, as well as obvious stuff like Job Growth Outlook.

The 10 Best Jobs were...
1. Actuary
2. Software Engineer
3. Computer Systems Analyst
4. Biologist
5. Historian
6. Mathematician
7. Paralegal Assistant
8. Statistician
9. Accountant
10. Dental Hygienist
Conversely, the 10 Worst Gigs were...
1. Roustabout
2. Lumberjack
3. Ironworker
4. Dairy Farmer
5. Welder
6. Garbage Collector
7. Taxi Driver
8. Construction Worker
9. Meter Reader
10. Mail Carrier
For those unaware, a "roustabout" is not a backup-reggae singer, it's a guy who does menial grunt work on an oil rig. I suppose that is indeed worse than strip club janitor, all things considered. And hell, right now, any job beats collecting unemployment.

I know I sometimes find myself complaining about the daily goings on, but for real, my job (#2) on the "Best" list is pretty sweet. I actually love what I do, find it challenging, and rewarding. NBA player is still my choice, but given the fact that I'm 36, and well, still don't have a wicked jump shot, I think I better make my degree work for me.

Not to get all personal on ya'll, but it's not like we know each other offline anyway. So, just to perform a social experiment, go peep the Top 200 list for yourself, and come back here and tell me 1) where your job ranks and 2) do you think the ranking matches your perception of how much you enjoy what you do. It's a unique social experiment, but I hope you'll participate.

Question: Where did your job rank on the Top 200 list? Do you enjoy it?

Jobs Rated 2010: A Ranking of 200 Jobs From Best to Worst [CareerCast]

3 Play Thursday - Sexist Club Bangers.

It's 3 Play Thursday. Today: Sexist Club Bangers.

Rap music is a dynamic artform with many different genres. Some rap music is political in nature. Some is all about the upliftment of women and feminism. Some is about learning your history and re-enforcing strong black self-image.

And some of it, well, some of it is just plain sexist trash with no redeeming social value, but catchy beats and hooks. For the record, back when I did club, I heard each of the following songs hundreds of times, but I never, never, ever saw one woman shake her head in disgust and flee the dance floor in anger. Not once.

With no further ado, my favorite Sexist Club Bangers.

AMG - "B*tch Betta Have My Money"



Man, what can you say about this song? To this day, one of my most vivid memories of this early 90's West Coast Classic was that there was no proper radio edit. This song would run all day on my HBCU's radio station, with the offensive words on full display. No "itchbay" or none of that, just "b*tch betta have my money... B*****TCH!".

Snoop Doggy Dogg ft. The Dogg Pound- "It Ain't No Fun"



Admit it, the first time you heard this, you thought it was a really cool R&B song. Then you started listening to Nate Dogg, and realized it was anything but. This song, unlike the others, can't possibly be played on the radio. It's virtually impossible.

Akinyele - "Put It In Your Mouth"



Much like the other songs on this list, the lyrics to this make me cringe, but the beat is so infectious, you have to just turn your brain off.

Question: Got any other Sexist Club Bangers you wanna add to the list. Ladies, when you hear these songs, what is your usual reaction?