Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We Owned The 80's - Mediocre TV & Movies.

I'm sure it comes of no shock to anyone reading this blog, but I enjoy watching TV. Lots of it. Yes, I read books, and yes, I have a life. But I shole do loves me some teevee. Movies too.

One thing that constantly irks me about HollyWeird is its lack of originality. For every Avatar, you get a million lousy comic book remakes. This year alone has seen the so-so Clash Of The Titans, and a big screen adaptation of The A-Team is due in theaters very soon. Raise your hand if you are excited about this movie.

Damnit, does Bradlee Cooper have to be in every movie? Really? And who the heck is this guy playing BA Barakus? He's way too softspoken. Wasn't Terry Crews available? He woulda played a good Mr. T. Not that I care, cause I always thought the original was boring.

Even worse, now CBS is pulling the lousy Hawaii 5-0 out of the mothballs. Did anyone even like the original Hawaii 5-0? Does anyone remember anything about it other than "book'em Danno" and the theme music?

Much like that turrible Miami Vice movie a few years ago with Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell, something tells me this TV show won't bear any resemblance to the original other than its location. So again, what's the point?

Since remaking mediocre 80's TV and films seems to be all the rage right now, how about they do me a solid and try these on for size...

What's Happenin'? - A show about a trio of corny teenagers who hang out at a greasy spoon everyday after school probably wouldn't be as interesting nowadays. BTW, can someone explain to me why a trio of corny teenagers would hang out at a greasy spoon everyday after school? Did one of them work there, or did they just go so Re-Run could harass Shirley for some free pie? Refresh my memory.

Howard The Duck - Yeah, it was stupid, and the duck suit was cheesy. But it was a funny movie, and imagine how cool Howard would be in 2010 CGI form.

Alf - Again, cheesy show, but imagine the CGI possibilities.

Better Off Dead - "I Want My Two Dollars!" This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and probably the best of those 80's teenage angst films. I don't know who could take John Cusak's place, but still.

Knight Rider - Ooops. Already happened. And yeah, it sucked.

V - Ooops. But this remake was actually sorta good.

Soul Man - This flick about a white guy who takes tanning pills to turn himself black so he can get a minority college scholarship wouldn't fly today either. All the jive talkin' and race jokes would ensure it never got greenlit.

Back To School - Hard to remake without Rodney Dangerfield.

The Last American Virgin - The best of those 80's teenage t*t flicks.

The Dukes Of Hazzard - Triple oops.

The Last Dragon - This one was rumored a few years back, they'd even signed Samuel Jackson to play Sho-Nuff, then the idea pretty much died. Interestingly, right after the rumors of the remake broke, I started seeing the movie pop up on the channel guide of TV One every other weekend. Mere consequence? Hmmmmmm.

Question: Got any lousy 80's movies or TV you'd secretly like to see remade? Did you see everything on my list?

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