Tuesday, May 4, 2010

AB.com NewsBriefs

Yup, I'm busy today. Here's the rundown.

Times Square Bomber - As much as the partisan swipes surrounding what really could have been a catastrophe this weekend bug me, something else about this story stands out. Namely, the suspect, who is now in custody, waited two whole days to flee the country. Dude was headed to Dubai when he got pinched at JFK last night. Either this fella really wanted to get caught, or he's just as dumb as the typical aborted terrist. We've had "The Shoe Bomber", and "The Crotch Bomber" already. I'm just gonna call this guy "The Idiot".

Spill, Baby, Spill - Uhhhhmm, so who wants to guess how much gas is gonna be this Summer, now that there's an oil slick the size of Ohio resting in the Gulf? I'm sayin' $5:50, easily, if not more. Thankfully, we already did our annual road trip (DisneyWorld), so I'm layin' low. Oddly not laying low? Miss Sarah Palin, who used her mandatory $100k speaking engagement this past weekend to repeat her ignoramus "Drill Baby Drill!" mantra and tell folks that we should "trust the oil companies". Trick, please. Disappear, Baby, Disappear! Poof! Vamoose!

The Alleged Obama Affair - I guess the Enquirer figured they were right for once with that John Edwards story, so now we're just supposed to take their word (long since retracted) that Obama and a twentysomething fundraiser were gettin' it in back in 2006. Uhhhh, come on now, this is the Enquirer, a "newspaper" that routinely published stories about Aliens and Elvis sightings. Let that one sink in. And also, if Obama had a jumpoff, don't you think the fine folks at the GOP would have turned over a rock back in 08' and played this card (although McCain has documented zipper problems of his own) to prevent The Magic Negro from ever making it to 1600 Penn? Use some common sense, folks. Any "black gossip blog" running this idiocy should have their URL confiscated.

Jesus H. Crist, How Petty Can The GOP Get? - In case you missed it, now that Florida Governor Charlie Crist is running for US Senate as an Independent, the state GOP decided to give him the proverbial middle finger by gaffling the party-issued canvas oil painting and putting it for sale on eBay. No, really, they did. For a party that's all about fiscal responsibility, I have no idea who thought spending $7,500 to commission a portrait in these lean economic times was a good idea. Even worse, acting like 3rd graders, and figuratively taking your ball home is merely endemic of the level of childishness that's the modern day Republican party. What's even worserer is how the many Democrats are now considering voting for Crist just to show up the GOP. Uhh, word to Florida Democrats: There's a capable Dem, also a brother, named Kendrick Meek running for Senate. Support him, you idiots, not Crist. With this now being a 3-horse race, Meek's chances of coming out of nowhere and beating both Crist and Marco Rubio have improved dramatically. But these are typical "we'll show you" lib'ruls were talking about.

Mayweather/Mosley/IWantMyMoneyBack- We did it up at The AverageHousehold© this weekend, and brought The Fight Party back in style with lots of grilled food and lots of liquor. Unfortunately, The Fight itself was a major snoozefest, and I'm now convinced that no black man with a Jheri Curl in 2010 should be taken seriously. I mean, come on Sugar Shane, you only weight a buck-25 already. Having an S-Curl only makes you look even softer. Money Mayweather wasn't even on his game, and he still disposed of you like a used Trojan. Retire. Please. And until boxing can put together a compelling matchup, I'm keeping my $64.99 (ouch!) in my pocket. Somebody better invite me to Mayweather/Pacquiao ,cause I ain't spendin' good money on boxin' anymore unless I'm there in person.

Bron, What Happened?!? - Anyone remember back in the 90's when David Robinson was awarded the MVP trophy, then took the court and was given the basketball equivalent of a rectal exam by Hakeem Olajuwon? Well, that's sorta what happened last night, as the Cavs were run off the floor by a geriatric Celtics team, and effectively gave away homecourt advantage in the Eastern Conference semifinals. Just when I sucked up my pride and became a temporary Cavs fan cause I want ex-Wizard Antawn Jamison to win a ring, they go and pull this sh*t. So I'll just stick the Spurs, thank you very much.

Question: What's your read on the Times Square/Oil Spill issues? Did Obama respond correctly to each crisis? How childish does selling Crist's painting make the GOP look? What happened to Lebron last night? Did you waste good money on that fight too?

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