Friday, March 5, 2010

An Special Investigative Report: Is A Brother Who "Dates" White Chicks A Sell-Out?!?

I like what I like, so my ancient dating history didn't include any white women, but I certainly don't begrudge any brother his right to get down with the swirl.[1] Reality is, folks choose whom they love (or, at least bed) for a variety of reasons, and it's not fair to assume someone has a destructive color complex just because they don't date exclusively within their race. Heck, depending on whose word you choose to believe, it's possible that even MLK himself extramaritally bagged quite a few white chicks in his day. And MLK's race card if hardly up for investigation.

That said, in today's ultra competitive dating market, it's not too surprising that some sistas still have big issues with "successful", "good", "handsome" brothers who choose to get their jungle fever on. Every 2-3 weeks, a familiar email with photos and captions of famous brothers somehow lands in my inbox. You've probably seen it yourself, but if not, someone's condensed it into a website cryptically named A Field Negro, not to be confused with my homie, blogger extraordinaire The Field Negro.

If you have somehow missed seeing this collection of celebrity interracial mugshots, scoot on over there right now and get familiar. The site's "intro" to this admittedly extensive photo gallery reads as following.
There’s a lot of FRICTION between Black men and Black women. We can lie to ourselves and pretend that the problem is not there, or we can do something to try and address this problem. What I’m trying to do is create a dialogue, so that we can take a look at this problem.

These are some PICTURES of BLACK MEN that date, and marry outside of their race.

In looking at these pictures I notice that a lot of brothers are now dating Asian women, and there’s nothing wrong with that because when two people are in love, their skin color shouldn’t matter.

These are some good brothers, there’s no question about that, but I’ve often heard Black men complain about Black women hot temper, and their attitude. A few weeks ago I was talking to some brothers, and they said man I love sisters, but it seems like they are never satisfied.

With that being said when we look at these pictures, then we have to ask this question--------is it possible that some sisters, are driving brothers away?
Much like many other institutions of The Lonely Black Woman Industrial Complex, this site is just so wrong from the jump. It posits that it's presenting a gallery of brothers dating interracially "to create a dialogue, so that we can take a look at this problem", but doesn't exactly state what the problem is. Well, other than "There’s a lot of FRICTION between Black men and Black women", which obviously isn't the source of the photo gallery, or there'd be photos of black women and men actively engaged in "friction". The intro goes on to say that "These are some good brothers, there’s no question about that", but since there's no qualification for what constitutes "good brothers", we're left to only assume that they mean rich and (semi)famous. Because, seriously, that is the only common denominator between people like Vernon Jordan (whose wife is actually black-ish I think) and a has-been like Alfonzo Ribeiro. I mean, really sistas, do ya'll give a sh*t that Carlton Banks "got away"? I doubt it.

Perhaps most puzzling is the inclusion of black men who are either casually dating, have a random child by, or are simply seen in the club taking a photo-op with a non-black chick, as if this is some rampant, out-of-control phenomenon. Uhhhmmm, come on sistas, do ya'll really care that one of Lil' Wayne's 18 baby mamas is Asian? Does it devastate you to know that Urkel likes Beckies? Don Cornelius has been known to take a shoe to his ladies, so aren't you somewhat relieved he ain't with a sista? Considering how badly serial man-whore Michael Jordan dogged out his black wife, aren't you sorta happy he's now spreading the misery and STD's to a Colombian chick?

Worse, an overwhelming percentage of the hundreds of photos posted on this site show famous black men coupled with women identified by such nebulous titles as "lady friend", "girlfriend", and "his new lady". Ain't many of these women "wives", which I'm assuming is the desired end-game for most black women. Why then, would you care about these dudes getting some random trim from an assorted flavor of the month? You could probably find just as many pictures of these same guys with black women, but that wouldn't change the fact that they still aren't marrying them either.

When I read this sorta drivel, it just reminds me that so many of the "issues" black folks have in relationships are those of perception. Perceptions that all black men want is a submissive white chick with a Jenna Jameson head game and Rachel Ray's kitchen game. Perceptions that all sistas want is ballers. Perceptions that all brothers are dawgs. Perceptions that all sistas are golddiggers.

Perceptions ain't reality, and until we as a people are able to get beyond this sorta ignance, and develop some actual relationship skills, we are gonna collectively stay losin'.

And Becky, assuming she considers this a victory, will stay winnin'.

Question: Are black men who "date" white women automatic sell-outs? Is the whole "sell-out" label a bit overplayed anyhow?

Brothers Dating Interracially Website [AFieldNegro]

[1] For those new to this site, I am (happily) married to a black woman. I hate that I have to toss out that disclaimer, but hopefully it will save some misinformed soul the time typing some reckless nonsense comment, and save me the time deleting it.

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