Monday, February 22, 2010

Are These Really The Folks Republicans Want Representing Them?!?

Every year, the GOP establishment and assorted weedcarriers descend on the city they all so viciously hate, yet are so desperate to relocate to. Thousands of TeaBaggers and garden variety d-bags were here in DC this weekend for their annual CPAC conference. I don't know what "CPAC" stands for, but I got a good idea what the "A" is for.

Ann "That's A Maaannn, Baby" Coulter, spewing her usual brand of misinformation and venom, and laughing all the way to the bank.

Human Douchebag In-The-Flesh, Glenn Beck.

Some Negro named Herman Cain. I'll admit, I actually happened to flip by and watch this one, and I was actually somewhat impressed. Sure, this guy's just a walking talking point, and has no original ideas, but at least he's polished and somewhat interesting to listen to. He's both a Morehouse man, and was once former chairman and CEO of Godfather's Pizza. While he seems like a sensible guy for the GOP to push for national office, he's already a has-been, losing a Georgia GOP Senatoral primary a few years ago.

CPAC made a big deal of allowing a contingent of Gay Conservatives at the convention this year. This Ryan Sorba a$$hole apparently didn't get the memo in time. Way to widen that tent, buddy.

Chris Collinsworth's chicken-chested long-lost twin, Tim Pawlenty tries to equate Tiger Woods with Obama for comedic effect, and the predictable epic fail ensues. This guy's so dry he gotta put his lotion on in the rain, even his wife couldn't stay awake for this whole speech. I still consider T-Paw the most formidable contender to Obama come 2012, mostly because he's so non-controversial and safe compared to his roster of fatally flawed GOP opponents. Still, dude needs some Charisma Training and a haircut before I can take him seriously? If America won't give a guy with a perm a serious look for Prez, we shouldn't give a guy with a mullet a shot either.

Some tool named Marco Rubio chides Obama for using a teleprompter. I suppose it's insane to assume that someone who has to gives dozens of speeches a week on a variety of topics to a variety of audiences might need some visual help, but hey, don't tell that to the GOP.

Ah, what's that? Why, a freakin' teleprompter! Even though you and I both know telepromoters are evil technology only employed by empty Kenyan suits who won't cough up college transcipts or birth certificates. Never mind that fact that The Great Ronald Reagan himself was a teleprompter addict, nor the fact that a certain pitbul in lipstick used one for her rambling "Take This Job And Shove It, I'm Gettin' Paid B*tches!" resignation speech.

Watching a spectacle like this from afar, I wonder if the GOP knows, or even cares what sort of message this sends to unaffiliated voters. Speaker after speaker takes the podium, bashing the President with open-mic caliber one-liners and zingers better suited for an audience down the block at the DC Improv. Plenty of crytic talking points ("Less Government" "Real American Values" "Taxing Our Children's Children") and nary a solution beyond tax cuts. No recognition at all of their prior administration's defecit spending and lack of regulatory control that lead to our current fiscal situation. Plenty of underhanded sexist (Pelosi), homophobic (Barney Frank), and racist (Obama) cracks in front of a 99.9% white audience.

If you're a self-identified "Conservative", let alone an Independent, I wonder what your'e thinking of this hate-fest.

Question: Are gatherings like CPAC and The Tea Party Convention good for America, or simply more rabble rousing and hatin' for the sake of political gain? If you're a "Conservative", do you personally identify with the messages above, or would you prefer your party be more forward looking and solution-oriented? Do any of these speakers have a future in comedy, or do they simply have somewhat funny ghostwriters?

blog comments powered by Disqus

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.