Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Tiger Woods Needs A JumpOff Code Of Honor.

[Editor's Disclaimer: I am very happily married and take my vows very seriously. I don't cheat on my wife, nor do I condone such action of others. And I don't even like Tiger Woods, so believe me, I'm not making excuses for his behavior. I realize this post has a high likelihood of coming off as sexist. No, I don't care. It needs to be brought, and I'mma braing it.]

So, another day, and another Tiger Woods jumpoff comes out the woodwork for her 14 minutes of fame. Wake me when this is over, cause chances are it's gonna be awhile. And that, in many ways, is really triflin'.

Look, don't get it twisted for one moment. I don't absolve Tiger Woods of his responsibility here. He shouldn't have cheated on his wife. Had he kept it in his pants, none of this would have happened. That is an indisputable fact.

However, let's talk about these women for a second. Come on, ladies, when you sleep with a famous married man, you know what you're getting into. In exchange for the nookie, you get flown to nice cities, you get to stay in nice hotels, you prolly get a nice amount of walking around money for shopping to help you burn the time until you're "needed". All that's asked of you is that you open your legs and keep you mouth closed (afterward). Call me crazy, but that's not such a bad deal, all things considered.

So why is is so damn hard for these breezys to follow through on their ends of the deal? Seems to me that everytime a high profile man gets busted for having extramarital affairs, the other chicks smell blood in the water, and hop in line for their Maxim pictorial and $30k from US Weekly. And that, my friends, is just plain wrong.

Where's the code of honor here? When did snitching like this become so popular, and so readily accepted?

Tiger upheld his end of the deal. I don't see mention of a single bounced check, STD, or returned Hermes bag in any of these news accounts. What I do hear plenty of is scandalous (and sometimes homely) chicks who really should know better running off at the mouth about the salacious details of what Tiger did, and when. What kinda thirsty broad keeps 2 year old text messages? This is all just wrong.

Let's face it: none of us knows what kind of "arrangement" Tiger and his wife had, or what the reason for last weekend's fight was. It's natural to assume she was mad about an affair, but how do we know it wasn't a more banal dispute about rearing the kids, putting out the trash, or leaving up the toilet seat? We don't. And thus, we have no idea whether or not Tiger's wife was okay (or at least accepting of) with his extramarital dalliances.

The bad part of all this is that there are kids involved. Small kids with nary of clue of what's going on right now, as I'm sure they've been properly insulated from all this nonsense. Kids who will one day know how to Google, and will probably innocently run across accounts of their father's favorite positions and the size of his "putter". And that's just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

Again, you knew the rules from the door, and now you wanna change them to make a quick buck and get yourself on Entertainment Tonight? Shame. Shame. Shame.

If you can't keep your mouth shut, then at least learn to keep your legs shut.

Go. Sit. Down.

Question: Are Tiger Woods one-time paramours breaking some code of honor by kissing and telling for a quick buck, or should Tiger have known that if you lie down with female dogs, you're gonna wake up with fleas?

Woods says he lets family down [AP]

Tiger Woods triple bogey: Kalika Moquin is third alleged mistress with Jaimee Grubbs, Rachel Uchitel [NYDailyNews]

Cocktail Waitress Jaimee Grubbs Claims Tiger Woods Affair [ABC]

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