Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Last Tiger Woods Post You'll Ever Read At AB.com.

Okay, I am officially all Tigered-out. Sure, more paramours will likely come out of the closet (don't expect any sistas though), as the current tally is around 7. Sure, he'll likely end up on Oprah soon. Sure, he'll eventually go back to golf. But I'm pretty sure I've already covered all bases, so here's some Bonus Beats for the road.

Tiger Woods Is Not A Role Model. No Athlete Is. - Could we please kill this "athletes are role models" nonsense for once and for all? I doubt many kids are crying in their Corn Pops because Tiger got him some extramarital trim from a waitress at Perkins. Reality is, most kids are smart enough to idolize these athletes for what they do, not for who they are. Teens have a better BS Meter than we give them credit for. How much logical sense does it make for a child to idolize the character of a person they've never even met? If anyone's disappointed by this, it's adults.

We Shouldn't Be "Shocked" By All This. - Disappointed? Sure. Shocked? Nah. Let's face it, many of us were thrown off by this because we assumed Tiger Woods was some "squeaky clean" boy-next-door done good. But reality is, we only know what people with a vested interest in profiting off him want us to know. None of us is a family member, we don't know him personally, all we know about him is the image of him we're sold. Period. So, if Nike wants to sell you Tiger Woods as an inspirational competitor, all in the name of selling you golf shoes, that's what they'll sell you. Ditto for Gatorade, Buick, the PGA, etc. You don't know these people personally. If there's anything that should have been cause for alarm it's the fact that he's best buddies with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. Uhhh, seriously, stew on that one for a moment. And next time you see a guy being touted as this perfect family man, remember, you are being sold an image, which is really just a setup for another sale.

Woods Won't Lose Any Endorsements. - See the prior point. Seriously, do you realize how much money Nike makes off Tiger? How many copies of EA Sports Tiger Woods Golf are sold each year? Woods is a billionaire, but only has about $90M is career PGA tour earnings. He ain't a businessman. He's a business, man. He also wasn't charged with a crime, so there's no reason for these companies to throw him under the bus right now, then risk alienating him and losing him to a competitor when he returns to playing. Expect a few less commercials for the moment, but he'll be back, and they'll be back. Heck, even Kobe's back, and you know what he was accused of.

Don't Feel Too Bad For Elin. - Ladies, yeah, it's hella jacked up that this woman's private life is on display for all to gawk at. It's equally bad that she'll have to carry the inadequate feelings that she "wasn't good enough for him" around for the rest of her life. But reality is, lots of men (definitely not all of us, but lots of us) cheat on their wives. Most of these wives then leave the marriage and have to rebuild new lives without a partner, with a new (lower) standard of living, and have to piece together careers they might have abandoned for the sake of the marriage. Most of these women, however, will not get an $85M golden parachute, a nanny, a South Florida mansion, and a Cuban pool boy for their troubles. And yeah, there's a part of me that kinda says "you knew what you were getting into from the start". You married a billionaire athlete, not some dude working at Sizzler. At least you get a bunch of money when your marriage goes South. The chick married to the Sizzler busboy? Uh, I suppose she gets a lot of leftover baked potatoes, but that's about it.

I Do Feel Bad For The Kids. - At the center of all this are two poor kids who have no idea what's happening right now, but will surely find out the hard way when their classmates make an off color joke, or a Google search goes awry some day. I feel for them. For everyone else in this story, meh.

Golfers Have Groupies Too. - While deviant sexual behavior and groupie love is most commonly associated with "urban" sports like hoops and football, anyone with half a brain knows this is hardly an isolated situation. Golfers, NASCAR drivers, tennis players, heck, virtually any activity with high salaries and high profiles, is going to attract a certain type of hanger-on. Let's face it, ladies, ya'll are partially responsible for this behavior because of your attraction to shiny things. As long as the world is round, this will persist. So, recent "revelations" that the PGA has it's own band of travelling groupies whom the players on tour routinely pass around like party favors should be of no surprise to anyone.

The Media Never Played Up The Race Angle. - Oddly, although Woods is Cablinasian, and all his alleged mistresses to date are white, the mainstream media has virtually ignored the race angle on this whole story. Call that what you want, but I guess it might finally put to rest Black America's insistence that Woods is seen simply as "black" by the rest of America. Apparently Woods is indeed post-racial. Good for him.

Tiger Woods Will Be Back. - Let's play a quick game of word association. When I say "Morgan Freeman", what comes to mind? Drivin' Miss Daily. Black man playing God. Black man playing the President. Crazy Joe Clark. One thing that doesn't come to mind: adulterer who cheated on wife with her longtime best friend, and was accused of having a longtime sexual relationship with this step-granddaughter. Ya'll do realize that these allegations surfaced just last year, right? But reality is, time heals all wounds, and people tend to forget, as long as you are still able to do what you're most known for. I doubt any of these allegations have caused Tiger to forget how to play golf. So, he'll take a 6 month sabbatical, mend (at least publicly) things with his wife, make a tearful, apologetic media tour to Oprah and Diane Sawyer, and win another Masters by this time next year. It'll be a story of redidication, and redemption, and it'll all be a total crock of sh*t, but we'll all believe it, cause we're conditioned to. Cause the general public is both forgiving and forgetting, as long as you can still do your thing.

Question: Are you also "all Tigered-out"? Can Tiger recover from this? Are athletes really role models, or is that just a bunch of hyperbole? Should we feel bad for Elin? Got any parting observations of you own you wanna share?

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