Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Last Tiger Woods Post You'll Ever Read At AB.com.

Okay, I am officially all Tigered-out. Sure, more paramours will likely come out of the closet (don't expect any sistas though), as the current tally is around 7. Sure, he'll likely end up on Oprah soon. Sure, he'll eventually go back to golf. But I'm pretty sure I've already covered all bases, so here's some Bonus Beats for the road.

Tiger Woods Is Not A Role Model. No Athlete Is. - Could we please kill this "athletes are role models" nonsense for once and for all? I doubt many kids are crying in their Corn Pops because Tiger got him some extramarital trim from a waitress at Perkins. Reality is, most kids are smart enough to idolize these athletes for what they do, not for who they are. Teens have a better BS Meter than we give them credit for. How much logical sense does it make for a child to idolize the character of a person they've never even met? If anyone's disappointed by this, it's adults.

We Shouldn't Be "Shocked" By All This. - Disappointed? Sure. Shocked? Nah. Let's face it, many of us were thrown off by this because we assumed Tiger Woods was some "squeaky clean" boy-next-door done good. But reality is, we only know what people with a vested interest in profiting off him want us to know. None of us is a family member, we don't know him personally, all we know about him is the image of him we're sold. Period. So, if Nike wants to sell you Tiger Woods as an inspirational competitor, all in the name of selling you golf shoes, that's what they'll sell you. Ditto for Gatorade, Buick, the PGA, etc. You don't know these people personally. If there's anything that should have been cause for alarm it's the fact that he's best buddies with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. Uhhh, seriously, stew on that one for a moment. And next time you see a guy being touted as this perfect family man, remember, you are being sold an image, which is really just a setup for another sale.

Woods Won't Lose Any Endorsements. - See the prior point. Seriously, do you realize how much money Nike makes off Tiger? How many copies of EA Sports Tiger Woods Golf are sold each year? Woods is a billionaire, but only has about $90M is career PGA tour earnings. He ain't a businessman. He's a business, man. He also wasn't charged with a crime, so there's no reason for these companies to throw him under the bus right now, then risk alienating him and losing him to a competitor when he returns to playing. Expect a few less commercials for the moment, but he'll be back, and they'll be back. Heck, even Kobe's back, and you know what he was accused of.

Don't Feel Too Bad For Elin. - Ladies, yeah, it's hella jacked up that this woman's private life is on display for all to gawk at. It's equally bad that she'll have to carry the inadequate feelings that she "wasn't good enough for him" around for the rest of her life. But reality is, lots of men (definitely not all of us, but lots of us) cheat on their wives. Most of these wives then leave the marriage and have to rebuild new lives without a partner, with a new (lower) standard of living, and have to piece together careers they might have abandoned for the sake of the marriage. Most of these women, however, will not get an $85M golden parachute, a nanny, a South Florida mansion, and a Cuban pool boy for their troubles. And yeah, there's a part of me that kinda says "you knew what you were getting into from the start". You married a billionaire athlete, not some dude working at Sizzler. At least you get a bunch of money when your marriage goes South. The chick married to the Sizzler busboy? Uh, I suppose she gets a lot of leftover baked potatoes, but that's about it.

I Do Feel Bad For The Kids. - At the center of all this are two poor kids who have no idea what's happening right now, but will surely find out the hard way when their classmates make an off color joke, or a Google search goes awry some day. I feel for them. For everyone else in this story, meh.

Golfers Have Groupies Too. - While deviant sexual behavior and groupie love is most commonly associated with "urban" sports like hoops and football, anyone with half a brain knows this is hardly an isolated situation. Golfers, NASCAR drivers, tennis players, heck, virtually any activity with high salaries and high profiles, is going to attract a certain type of hanger-on. Let's face it, ladies, ya'll are partially responsible for this behavior because of your attraction to shiny things. As long as the world is round, this will persist. So, recent "revelations" that the PGA has it's own band of travelling groupies whom the players on tour routinely pass around like party favors should be of no surprise to anyone.

The Media Never Played Up The Race Angle. - Oddly, although Woods is Cablinasian, and all his alleged mistresses to date are white, the mainstream media has virtually ignored the race angle on this whole story. Call that what you want, but I guess it might finally put to rest Black America's insistence that Woods is seen simply as "black" by the rest of America. Apparently Woods is indeed post-racial. Good for him.

Tiger Woods Will Be Back. - Let's play a quick game of word association. When I say "Morgan Freeman", what comes to mind? Drivin' Miss Daily. Black man playing God. Black man playing the President. Crazy Joe Clark. One thing that doesn't come to mind: adulterer who cheated on wife with her longtime best friend, and was accused of having a longtime sexual relationship with this step-granddaughter. Ya'll do realize that these allegations surfaced just last year, right? But reality is, time heals all wounds, and people tend to forget, as long as you are still able to do what you're most known for. I doubt any of these allegations have caused Tiger to forget how to play golf. So, he'll take a 6 month sabbatical, mend (at least publicly) things with his wife, make a tearful, apologetic media tour to Oprah and Diane Sawyer, and win another Masters by this time next year. It'll be a story of redidication, and redemption, and it'll all be a total crock of sh*t, but we'll all believe it, cause we're conditioned to. Cause the general public is both forgiving and forgetting, as long as you can still do your thing.

Question: Are you also "all Tigered-out"? Can Tiger recover from this? Are athletes really role models, or is that just a bunch of hyperbole? Should we feel bad for Elin? Got any parting observations of you own you wanna share?

17 AverageComments™:

Anonymous said...

I'm not a bro, but damn, that's great insight, perspective and great writing.

Spinster: SOS Mind Dr. said...

"If there's anything that should have been cause for alarm it's the fact that he's best buddies with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley. Uhhh, seriously, stew on that one for a moment."

Yeah..... once I heard that, I was no longer surprised. :-|

I'm not Tiger-ed out yet..... well, at least on the jokes front. There will never be enough jokes about this shit for me.

P.S. I heard that he "doesn't believe" in condoms. If this is true, this is some skanky no-good down & dirty shit. :-/

Shady_Grady said...

"Leftover baked potatoes"....


Molly said...

Yep, I'm done with the Tiger stories as well. In fact, I told myself yesterday that I wasn't going to read any more of them and then what should I see when I visit here... so I read one more. Normally, I don't pay any attention to celebrity stories. I might see the headline or the pictures on the mags at the check out counter, but that is it. And it is hard to feel sorry for folks with that much money and, at present, anybody who lives in Florida since we are on the verge of a major winter storm here.

Antonio said...

I strongly agree with your first 3 points and thought about writing a blog post saying exactly that. Athletes are not role models and if kids are going to admire them, parents should emphasize that they should look at the athlete's drive and sportsmanship, NOT the dubious shenanigans in his personal life.

Wave said...

I agree with athletes not being role models. I think a lot of times we truly do underestimate children's ability to see through bs. I know it cliche but a child's true role models will always be their parents, grandparents, ect. I didn't think the media was going to play the race angle on this one because the assumption was that lil Tiger only messes with white women. Using that logic it would be no surprise that all his jump offs would be white.

"he's best buddies with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkley." lol I forgot about that. Birds of a feather flock together.

Chester said...

@Shady - "Sizzler". That WAS funny.

Can we get past the Tiger story and focus on real news, like the CRU emails that expose GW as a hoax?

Heard a story on the Today Show today that "a middle-aged woman was taken from Tiger's home...blah, blah."

Ready for your huge tax increase? Somebody's got to pay for Global Warming. Why shouldn't it be you?

Anonymous said...

Granted no murder is involved, but I just hope this doesn't turn into a mini OJ Simpson thing.

Marbles said...

@ AB:


Spot the-heck ON.

Anna Renee said...

I'm kinda Tigered out if I do say so myself, but I wanted to say I don't like the way he cobbled together that moniker, Cabliasian! The black part doesnt make sense! I have a better one that I worked on and would like to pass on to him thru you, AverageBro, if you don't mind. Blacausian! Now I can get with this one! Asiacaunig and Caublacsian doesnt flow the same way!

Dubbayoo said...

As far as him not losing any endorsements, Gatorade abandoned ship today. Naturally they claim the decision was made months ago....so why you coming out with it now?


Julius said...


Anonymous said...

Gatorade didn't drop him. They stopped production of that nasty tasting Tiger Focus drink.

silverkris said...

You are so right. Athletes aren't role models, never really were. Heck, Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle were hard partiers back in their eras...

Yeah, I'm sick of the Tiger stuff. And I do agree that he'll be back, don't feel sorry for him.

tanyetta said...

The sizzler ex! LOL

I like the way you think.

the uppity Negro said...

soooo....wat do u say now about Tiger losing endorsements?

Top 3 Acai Berry said...

With no time... all these will end when more concentrated stories come on air... Tiger nightmare will be over soon.


Top 3 ACai Berry

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