So, I'm watching the local news the other night, and they're reporting from a particularly grizzly murder scene in Southeast DC. Like always, the reporter had to pull the most ignorant, ill-informed person out of a crowd of other folks who were probably more articulate and knowledgeable about what had just gone down. Spit flew. Voices rose. Subjects and verbs were in total disagreement. Conjugation was a foreign concept.
And Carter G. Woodson cried inside.
This isn't anything new of course. This scenario is so common, there have been standup routines and sketch comedy skits about similar instances for years. So, of course, I got to thinking... what commonly butchered terms in the English language would I most like to see retired?
Note, I am NOT talking about slang. Colloquialisms are a subject in and of themselves, and I've already covered that base anyway. Nope, I'm talking about folks who try their darndest to actually speak proper English, but still just don't get it right. Magic Johnson, I'm talkin' to you bruh. I'm sure a handful of you will start shouting words like "elitist" in the comments section, and hey, that's your prerogative. But I'm a grown assed man, and I just call em like I see em'.
Without further adieu, here's the list of Broken English I Wish Would Go Away:
Conversate - This might be a DC thang, as are many of the other items on this list. But for the last time, there is no such word as "conversate". The correct word is "converse". Back when I used to club (man, that was ages ago), I would always overhear some dude trying to holler at a girl, by saying "ay shawty come here, I'm just tryin' to conversate with you". Stupid is as stupid does, so sometimes this would actually work. Hmmmm.
Irregardless - Also commonly used here in DC, and also not an actual word. I think The Russ Parr Morning Show used to have a segement that made fun of this all the time. Either way, "irregardless" is a double negative, which essentially means you're "regarding" something since the "irr" and "less" cancel each other would. It's like saying "incorrectless" or "imcompleteless". How dumb does that sound?
Seen/Seent - This one really irks me, because 90% of the time it's said on a newscast. When somebody is describing an event that they didn't actually witness, but they still want to be on camera, this is the telltale sign. If they drop a couple of "I seent the whole thing", you know they ain't actually "seen" nothin'.
Being as Though - This one is uniquely DC. I'm 99% sure it's not used outside this region because I never heard it until I moved here. This phrase is usually employed when a brother is trying to intellectualize something while he's conversating, and thus wants you to really know his emphatic opinion on a topic. ie: "DC is in really bad shape, being as though, I feel that the mayor needs to do more for the community".
I Feel As Though - See: "Being As Though". Equally silly.
I Might Could - I've heard Kayne West say this one alot. Might and Could are contrasting words, it's the same effect as saying "sorta kinda", but just sounds dumberer.
Sword - For the 999th time, black people, the "W" is silent. Arrghhh!!!!
I'm sure ya'll have your own list to add, and undoubtedly this list will prolly include something I say on the regular. Go head, I'm a grown man, I can take the hit.
Since no post is complete without a photo or video (or so say my Google Analytics reports), I figured I'd leave ya'll with this classic YouTube nonsense. This one's pretty old, and yes, it is indeed a real news story. Please watch and enjoy.
That clip never gets old. Woot! Woooooooooot!
Question: Got any more phrases we need to retire in 2010?
An AverageBro Classic: Let's Retire a Few More Words While We're At It.
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43 AverageComments™:
Thank you! Finally someone that understands conversate is not a word. Ignorance is bliss.
This again. "irregardless" is in fact a word, although it's never really been accepted.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/IRREGARDLESS
As someone who is a proud spelling/grammar/pronunciation nazi (for lack of a better word), this post resonates with me.
Adding to the list:
would of, could of, should of, might of
No got-dammit. :-/ It's
would've (would have), could've (could have), should've (should have), and might've (might have).
And last but sadly not least:
sopposably
No got-dammit. It's supposedly.
That "conversate" one started on the court tv shows, as far as I know.
"Being as though" sorta kinda reminds me of that pseudo intellectual jail bird character that Damon Wayans played on In Living Color!
Sword with the W pronounced. I thought maybe I was wrong and started pronouncing it this way!!
The "got-dammit" one:
I heard this one alot when I was coming up. For example: "Got-dammit to hell" ! That one was kinda popular in these parts.
oh yes, #1 and #2 are two of my biggest pet-peeves. and the whole "sword" thing...i hear it a lot from the pulpit from various preachers. just the sound of it makes me want to walk out.
@ Spinster:
Even weirder than those---
I have an old Mickey Mouse comic from 1933 where a character says "One more minute and we'd of had nothing at all!" The characters were always speaking in exaggerated 1930s working-class vernacular ("Been quite a spell---ain't seen that bird since they sent 'im up the creek..."), but that's still really odd-looking when you actually see it in print. Even makes "would of" look good.
You forgot "pacifically" when trying to say "specifically". Ugh!!
What genius came up with "I could care less"? It's "COULDN'T care less"!!!
LOL!
Several years ago, someone on a message board I used to frequent had Bubb Rubb as an animated avatar. Brings back memories. As to broken English, I'm surrounded by mountain folks, so "I ain't never could tell what's proper grammar"...
@ Marbles - "we'd of"??? Sigh.
@ B - YES!!! That one too. Sigh.
Well, these aren't phrases...just words that folks tend to butcher:
1. Salmon--the "L" is silent.
2. Quesadilla--again, the "L's" are silent.
3. Buffet--"et" sounds like hard "A".
When I lived in southern Maryland most of us had never met a Latina person let alone spoken the language (back in the 80's). Eventually one of my coworkers was a fiesty, petite bantam fighter named Jesus. And you know everyone had to call him "Jesus" with a hard "J". Lord, that little man would get fired up. LOL
I hate when people say they are "family-orientated".
IT'S FAMILY-ORIENTED DAMMIT!!!!
Ok, just had to get that one off my chest :-)
Ambuhlance
Libary
Light-skinnded
Unbeknowinst
I guess everybody has something that drives them nuts. My Mom is the one in our family with the English radar. I try to write grammatically correct, but if I were to force myself to think about grammar before I spoke, I wouldn't end up talking at all. I already have a hard enough time finding the words. Whether they think about it or not, most people talk in a way that makes them fit in with whatever group they want to belong to. The only one on your list I know I use is the 'I feel as though...' one. I actually don't think there is anything wrong with it. You have to put something in between the first and second half of a sentence like 'I feel as though it is wrong.' What you put in there gives the listener an idea of how much emphasis you put on the second half of the sentence. Instead of 'as though' you could put 'as if' or 'like' or 'that' and each one of them gives a different flavor to the sentence.
Ask
Axe
I do not mind questions but I do not wish to be hit with a weapon. I was guilty of this error many years ago. Some one corrected me without being condescending.
I think the broken English issue will continue because many people simply do not care or they do not know why it matters.
Young children hear many errors being reinforced and accepted by their parents and celebrities.
@ VLatte:
Funny how there are people named [HAY-soos] all over the Spanish-speaking world, but I have yet to hear of anyone in the English-speaking world named [JEE-zus].
I think everyone's covered pretty much all the words I'd like to retire, I'm just going to bitch for a bit.
There was a woman at my grandmother's house on Thanksgiving who kept saying "I likes" and "You is". It drove me up a wall and it didn't help that she wasn't worth a damn to begin with. On top of all that, this woman was obese and wearing a see-thru top. Ugh.
I would like to pull aside all my cousins and aunts and teach them how to turn off the caps lock key and type like a normal person. This is the unedited title taken from my aunt's myspace: "Livin errday lyk itz my las & luvn er minit uf it!" She went to college so I KNOW she knows how to spell.
Not a word to retire, but I have one I wish people would pronounce correctly. Here in California the brothers often mispronounce the term "Mexican".
It becomes: Mes-kin. As in, "I'm going to eat at the Meskin joint up the street." It drives me up the wall and I am not even Mexican! I always want to remind people the word does have three syllables.
ok, "being as though" (LOL)I had to set my lunch aside to let you know that this is HILARIOUS.
I don't have anything else to add.
Oh, then again, how about when typing the correct usage of their, there and they're....or how about to, too or two.....really people!!!
Here's another one: "every since..."
NO.
It's "ever since..."
:-/
HAHA! I'm also in the DC urrea and at my hairdresser - they say Chipotle in the craziest way - it's like the 'l' is non existent and it sounds something like chip-oooo-ay. Oh it drives me crazy!
your
you're
there
their
they're
It drives me nuts when people mix those up. Nuts, I tell you!
@ Antonio:
People probably think typing like that looks cool, but it really just makes them look like preteens with epilepsy.
My favorite "englitch" word, from the famous pimp, Don "Magic" Juan.
QWI-Teria. (Criteria)
"Once you speak the English good, can't nobody change it."
--Lamont Grady Sanford
EG
Sho nuff....
grrrrrr
Roland Martin said "irregardless" on his Sunday morning show on TV One.
When making a word plural in writing, some people add an "s" and an apostrophe instead of just the "s". I see this everywhere in the DC area.
martini's instead of martinis
@Marbles
You would have had to live in southern MD in the 80's to get a full appreciation of our cultural igorance! :-o
Drunk bikers from the strip club next door would come by to the Pizza Hut (where we worked) and see his name tag. They'd point and start screaming "Jesus. Look it's Jesus". It was funny once...but not much after that.
And Jesus was a bantam weigbht boxer so he probably could have put a real hurtin' on those dumb asses! He would just curse in Spanish under his breath.
And I used to say Quesadilla with the hard "L's" myself. But I never called Jesus--Jee-zus!!
ROTFL!
I just want to assure you, AverageBro, that "Being as though" and "I feel as though" is not strictly in DC. I did not hear that until I moved to Philly. MY GOODNESS. It's the official "I'm trying to sound smart" contribution to the conversation. I am a teacher and students seem to be quick to use this. The dude I work with now (from Philly originally) LOVES to use this and other selections from your list and he considers himself to be quite the success story.
My parents are teachers and would nearly choke me and my sister if they though we said "I seen" so stuff like this makes my heart beat fast... waiting for my mother to jump in from another room or something.
Man, words cannot explain how totally stoopid I feel that the new comment system wasn't activated for this post. Arggh.
Being as though, expect the new system too bee in effect tommorroe.
Piece.
"Light skinded" - This still makes my skin crawl. It has to go.
"What had happened was..." - This was cute when the female characters on those failed UPN shows used it to begin an amusing half-assed excuse. But no more.
"Disrespect" - Yes, it's proper English but it is overused. I avoid it so I don't sound like a stereotype.
Ok, "being as though" (LOL) I had such a hearty laugh at this a few hours ago, I felt the need to come back for another chuckle.
I won't reveal where I heard this, but a young man "learnt" that in school.......REALLY?
Thought this was a pretty nice read after this post. I found it because I'd never heard of "conversate" not being a word.
http://ta-nehisicoates.theatlantic.com/archives/2009/01/ask_the_expert_is_conversate_a_word.php
Nappy Mind - ME TOO! I HATE that shit. :-/
"rose's" instead of "roses" or "their's" instead of "theirs". :-/
@ Nappy:
Your 's' complaint reminds me of my job---I type up real estate ads from the rough copy clients scribble down. So many of these clients are semi-literate bulbheads who write things like "All utilitie's included, neighborhood in the ascent."
The best: Several times, someone has written that the air conditioning is "duckless."
"That's right, ma'am! The central AC is completely free of ducks!"
"I'll take it!"
Can someone, anyone, get to Jerry Rice (Hall of Fame NFL Wide-Receiver SF 49ers, sit his ass down, and kindly explain to the brother that the word "with" is NOT spelled with an "F"! DAMMIT!
It's like an alarm clock..you 'posed to be cooking breakfast...
Here's my "black mispronunications" pet peeve: It's "tests." Not "tesses." And "ask," not "ax." Aaaargh!
And don't forget this one, no thanks to that damn Fabolous:
"artisses"
NO. It's "artists". And why the HELL did he spell his rapper name as FabOlous? It's FabUlous.
:-/
This isn't a mispronounciation, but it's misuse/overuse of an adjective imothe word female. Over and over I hear a man described as a man, but a woman is too often described as a female (especially if it's a ]lack woman doing the describing). Nothing really wrong with it but I hate it.
cinco - Thank you. Me too. People look at me crazy and ask why. There's something about it and you probably get the same feeling.
Woman/Women: I see this misused all the time. The sentence says I am a Goal oriented women...NO it's WOMAN!!!
Thanks for another one Professor.
I'm from the South (Florida) and I hear a lot of mispronunciations of the word "coach". It seems to turn into "CO-UTCH" a lot down here.
Please retire, "show nuff", "I might of could" and my favorite "I useta could"...grrrrr
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