Wednesday, November 4, 2009 Guest Post - Bigger Ain't Always Better.

[Editor's Note: My main man Mason Jamal weighs in on the strange epidemic of everyday chicks "throwin' some D's" on themselves. Show our guest some love, you-know-where.

Despite the seemingly gratuitous photo above, this one is actually a public service announcement for women. Those of you contemplating augmentation of your lower frontal lobes, stop. Hear me on this. Unless you have ambitions of being a stripper, porn star or a prolific practitioner of one night stands, it's totally pointless.

[Editor's Note: Totally agree.]

Little known fact - men really don't care about breast size, as much as you think we do. I know. You had no idea. In fact, some male readers are saying to themselves "really"? Yes, dude. You really don't care that much. It's true.

[Editor's Note: I beg to differ. But anyways...]

Most of us realize it, but don't fess up to it out of peer pressure and social conditioning. You see, feigning great interest in breast size, initially, is like a rite of passage for us. For straight men or those pretending to be, it's a sophomoric litmus test of our heterosexuality. If a friend says "damn, look at the set on her", we feel obliged by 'man law' to look and respond with an equally juvenile comment. It's just how it goes.

And even as we mature and start hunting the drugstore aisles for Rogaine, we'll still notice a woman with an avalanche of cleavage. However, it's more spectator sport than anything else. When it comes to actually connecting with a woman and developing a meaningful relationship, bra size doesn't matter. Just because the boyfriend or husband cranes his neck every now and then for some passing titillation, doesn't mean that's what he wants. It's a novelty act. It's a fleeting fantasy. I'm telling you ladies. Men really aren't as shallow as you think we are. If a woman is actually 'the one', her body doesn't need a set of perky girlfriends to act as an advance team. We're perfectly capable of being smitten or enamored with you without the help of the dynamic duo.

Now, in the case of women who are naturally larger, that's cool too. No one is saying run out and get a reduction. Just be you. And if there happens to be some gravitational pull, so be it. You don't live your life in a spacecraft defying laws of physics, nor do you need your breasts to resemble twin planets orbiting your face. At some point, if they haven't already, they're going to fall to earth and that's okay. We'll be there to catch them.

Truth of the matter is 'fakies' not only look unnatural, they feel unnatural. And any guy with any firsthand experience knows it. Think about it ladies. It's like your man coming home after a procedure in Tijuana with an extra two inches of pseudo-penis. I can't say for sure, but, if it's anything like augmented breasts, chances are it's going to feel lumpy and rubbery. And what woman wants a rubbery lumpy penis with diminished sensation? Yeah, I thought so. What's bad for the goose is bad for the gander.

The Takeaways:

1.) Men don't care about breast size nearly as much as women, themselves, care about breast size. Frankly, the only size that we really obsess about is our own, ironically, thanks to women.

2.) If you insist on augmentation, do your research and find a licensed professional with a solid and successful track record in this area. You don't want to be carved up like an overcooked Thanksgiving turkey by Botox Bob M.D., who's looking to expand his services because his Malibu property is in foreclosure. Very bad idea.

3.) And just because I said breast size doesn't really matter, don't really get it twisted. There is a time and a place for everything. If the fellas and I decide to get tacky with it and hit the local Hooters, we need a waitress who understands the expression "when in Rome...".

4.) Last but far from least - there is something far more important. Breast exams, breast exams, breast exams and breast exams. Take it serious. We love you.

Question: Ladies, have you considered "throwin' some D's" on yourself? Do you find that men gravitate towards women with bigger boobs, or do they care more about the total package? Fellas, does bust size really matter?

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