Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Totally Random Thoughts With

Most folks know Larry King as the curmudgeonly host of a lousy talk show on CNN, but those of you over age 18 might recall that he used to pen a comically bad weekly column in USAToday, aka: The McPaper. The term "column" is really a misnomer, because more than anything else it was really just a bunch of random thoughts and non sequiturs tossed together. Dude would go from name dropping some actor in one sentence to grousing about the difference between Mayo and Miracle Whip in the next.[1] The net result was sorta like reading this.

Yikes. Some folks called this a stroke of genius, but most of us would prolly consider it drunk blogging.

Since ain't sh*t else really goin' on right now[2], why not just rip off Larry's idea and make it mine? So I present to ya'll, Totally Random Thoughts With

No Obama Week Is Coming - I'll admit it: I'm all Obama'ed out. Beginning Sunday, marks its first ever NoObama Week™. I don't give a care if healthcare passes, Obama smacks the crap outta Joe Wilson, or if Sasha and Malia both turn up pregnant. There will be NO OBAMA at for the entire week of September 27th!!! Seriously, watch this and you'll understand why.

Yep, I deserve a break. I won't even mention that 5 letter word a single time here. If you need your Barry fix, there are plenty of other places to get it. Sorry.

She Hate Me - A certain commenter who has been tormenting the boards under a "Phony" name sent me the most vicious, hateful email I've ever received in the 1,700 post history of Folks, I realize ya'll like Obama. But darnit, you don't have to defend everything he does to the death. I love my wife like she's an NBA League Pass, but I sure as heck don't agree with her all the time. That said, how silly is it to assume that anyone who disagrees with The Beige One in any way, shape, or form, is somehow some self-hating bootlicking Tom? Color me stoopid, but before you write a 20 page diatribe to some random blogger you don't know from Adam (ie: me), you might just wanna get your mind right. I'm just sayin'. And ya'll wonder why I do this anonymously.[3]

Twitter Beefin' - Anyone else follow that whole Fabolous vs Bow Wow cyber battle earlier this week? While it was pretty funny to read all the tweets and listen to these two relatively untalented cRappers go in on each other, it's also sad because this seems to be the future of rap beefs. Imagine how lame Nas vs Jigga, or Juice Crew vs Hilltop Hustlers woulda been if it was played out on the web, rather than on wax. Personally, I preferred Fab snatching NBA player's chains to Fab ethering a midget with bad photoshop jobs, but hey, that's just me being negative and disparaging other black men as usual.

Luv & Murrage - I don't talk "personal" stuff on this blog, by my cyber homegirl OneChele from Black & Bougie asked me to give my 2 cents on a few issues pertinent to marriage as part of yesterday's edition of her excellent "relationship week" series. Peep that.

University of Virginia Is One Lovely School - I found myself on the road for a recruiting trip to UVa earlier this week. Coming from an HBCU, I am continually shocked at just how truly sh*tty all our facilities were by comparison. Every new building at UVa is built in the same colonial, bricks and columns architecture, which makes for a uniformly beautiful campus. My HBCU? That sh* t was built in stages, and it shows. Half the campus is modeled off prison blueprints from the early 1900's, half looks 2050 space age, and the final half looks like Cabrini Green. Man, do Negroes get the shaft all around or what?

Jockin' Jay-Z - I'll admit it, after I heard the first 3-4 songs leaked from The Blueprint III, I figured it was time to send The JiggaMan out to the glue factory. But I acquired a copy of this over the weekend, and believe it or not, the guy's actually redeemed himself.

I don't know if he's finally ditched the idiot savant act and decided to start writing again or what, but he's lyrically sharp. And by going back to "name" producers and avoiding trendy gimmicks, the overall quality of BP3 is hard to defy. Ya' boy is back. I stand corrected. 41 years old rappers, FTW!!!

The Era Of The "Fight Party" Is Over - Yeah, I dropped $59.99 on that Mayweather fight. And yeah, after watching him pummel his outmatched opponent for 12 rounds, I wanted my money back. Until boxing finally starts developing some new heavyweights, I just can't stomach outlandish PPV rates to watch a bunch of 127 pounders hug each other for an hour. No more. Never again.

SyFy Is The Best TV Network Evar - Seriously, have ya'll watched this channel? Yeah, all the movies are cheap and formulaic, but it's a station invented for big a$$ Hi Def screens.

Where else can you watch a movie about a killer mutant polar bear in 50 inch glory?

LeafBlowers Are Racist - I know this sounds jive silly, but now that I've got a real yard and some real money, I'm seeing just how neglected my childhood was from a lawn maintenance perspective. My Pops made me and my brothers bust our butts every weekend bagging and dragging pine straw, raking leaves, and picking up lawn trimmings. And even though my working-class Southern neighborhood was full of Dads, nobody else had anything more than a lawnmower, and all the kids were herded into chattel slavery every weekend. Now, I have leafblowers, edgers, a lawnmower with a freakin' bag and 80 other contraptions that make keeping my lawn up to par a breeze. So I'm wondering, was this lack of lawn maintenance tools some form of systematic racism, or was my Pops just really cheap?!?

Question: Any thoughts on my thoughts?!?

[1] Can you tell the difference? I can't.

[2] Although, I should note, I read every news link ya'll send, and I thank you. But I just ain't up to it right now.

[3] Shots fired. If you wanna read this rambling, hateful, barely legible monstrosity, drop me a note and I'll send it to you with the author's name redacted. I'm sure she'd like to spellcheck that if given a second shot.

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