Thursday, September 10, 2009

An A/B Conversation: Van Jones, Glenn Beck and Cable News.

The blogging world's two greatest cyber playcousins, AverageBro and The Black Snob are starting a new feature: An A/B Conversation, where the two bloggers will hash at the news of the day with their patented wit and wisdom. Today's topics? Van Jones, Glenn Beck, why cable news sucks and what would it take to get elected in the internet age?

[click here to read more of the A/B convo...]

TOPIC ONE - Van Jones. Scapegoat or Crazy Negro?

A: Was van jones really that damn nutty or did he have some valid points?

B: I think he had some valid points if he was just your average dude on the street. Or if he wasn't trying to represent anyone but himself or Color of Change.

A: I say van wasn't as nutty as he's been made out to be. Let's face it, Bush did talk like a crackhead sometimes. Anyone saying otherwise clearly hasn't spoken with a crackhead recently.

B: Bush did, but someone elected Bush.

A: Yeah, the Color of Change thing is what really put him in Beck's crosshairs.

B: Obviously. Beck wanted revenge.

A: How likely is it that Jones would still have a job had beck not come after him?

B: Jones would have a job. He was so low on the totem pole and so low on the radar. I hadn't even heard of him. He could have skated by.

A: Beck is now apparently gunning for this guy Mark Lloyd. Another brotha czar. Shocker! I'd heard of him, but only in the realm of the green jobs stuff, sorta like Majora Carter, just less cute.

B: Well, of course he is. Beck smells blood in the water now. He got his way.

A: So, does this now mean Glenn Beck can pick cabinet members?

B: Jones stepped down. Obviously. Beck has Valerie Jarett's job.

A: Did he step down, or was he tripped?

B: Unfortunately I don't want to see that dude try on Valerie's heels. They look dangerous.

A: Well, let's be honest, I think it's time someone called Jarrett out. I know you love the fabulous shoes and all, but dang.

B: Leave her alone! And her pretty, pretty shoes!

A: Has a black woman mailed in a gig this badly since Allyson Felix blew it in Beijing?

B: I know the vetting process has been, er, interesting.

A: Or lack thereof.

B: What kills me is that they had this extensive vetting questionaire. Initially they were having a hard time finding people who could just meet it. Then it turned into no one could do their taxes.

A: Right. I was guessing that's why so few black folks were showing up in the cabinet. You know any brotha that pledged Omega has too many skeltons lurking to chance it.

B: We had too many Van Joneses. That was a point I was trying to make. Nearly every other brother I've dated has had a militant past.

A: Yeah, don't we all.

B: Everything from reading Final Call to actually considering becoming a Five Percenter.

A: Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I did some pretty stoopid stuff in college myself.

B: I mean, how many black folks don't go through a "I rebuke my slave name" phase?

A: Yeah, my name was Mufasaa Akiim Akbar for about a week in 92'.

B: I used to write the most militant editorial column in the history of my alma matar. I was the angriest 5'3" sista with a perm at SIUE.

TOPIC TWO - Will Anyone be able to run for office in today's world of cybertrails?

A: Question: in today's "plugged in" world, is anyone going to be eligible to run for prez in 15 years? Most folks will have an e-trail longer than Manute Bol. What does the next generation of politicos need to do? Swear of Twitter/FB/MySpace upon birth?

B: Yes. And never take any photographs.

A: My pastor recently said if any of us have kids that want to run for president someday, we should quit his church right now. No blogs. No text messages.

B: They should quit school now. Friends have memories.

A: Don't go to grad school. No dissertations. Don't write a novel. Even if it's fiction, still can be used.

B: The next president will be a home schooled Amish kid.

A: How would the GOP attack an Amish kid? What's the attack angle?

B: He's some tree hugging anti-technology, anti-capitalism socialist? You know how those Amish be helping each other out, building barns. Socialism.

A: Ha ha. "anti-techonology!" That would be a new one. The socialist thing I could see.

B: Hey, if it moves, the GOP can attack it. And if it doesn't move, they can beat it like the dead horse it is.

A: They'd probably say "anti american" since Amish folks don't exactly confirm to a lot of american customs

B: I'm going with hippie. Hippies with Bibles.

A: Good one.

TOPIC THREE - Why does cable news suck so badly?

B: So do you think Color of Changes corporate sponsor boycott of Glenn Beck is actually going to do something about Beck?

A: Nah. Cause Beck makes WAAAAYYY too much money for Fox News. Seriously, that guy is doing astounding numbers in a 5pm slot. Who the hell is already home watching cable news at 5pm?

B: I know. The Ed Show ain't getting it.

A: I read somewhere that they're considering giving him the Greta Van Facelift 10pm slot.

B: They should. He deserves it. He's been wackadooin' it up double time.

A: It's scary that he's pulling in that sort of audience. Again, that says more about us than Beck. Ed Show = Sleep Aid.

B: Even O'Reilly won't go places Glenn goes. Why does Ed Schultz have a show? Where's the justice in the world? My Uncle Roland "Rolly Rolls" Martin wants to know WHERE IS THE JUSTICE!

A: Here's a question: Why can't the Left drum up an equally spiteful show that pulls Fox News numbers?

B: Real lefties don't own TVs. The ones that do prefer "60 Minutes-style" shows. Re: Screaming people aren't bougie enough for Lefties.

A: What do you make of all the market research that says more than half of Fox news audience is Liberals?

B: I believe it. Those Liberals HAVE to be pissed at something.

A: Good as John Stewart is, O'Reilly SMOKES him in the ratings too.

B: And FOX is entertaining. You don't have to think to enjoy FOX.

A: True. It's entertaining. A perverse form of "train wreck" entertaining.

B: Just turn it on and watch the fur fly.

A: True. I find myself agitated when I tune to Fox, which I suspect is why many others tune it.

B: It also taps into your most base senses. Joy, fear, anger, lust. No vegetables. Just all red meat and sugar.

A: I also feel REALLY REALLY SMART when I tune in to Fox. I guess that's also part of it too.

B: I watch a lot of Cable news and FOX really goes for the ol' razzle dazzle, old school, Hearst Yellow Journalism style. Newsmen from the 1920s would be proud.

A: It's really more entertainment that information. The Liberals haven't figured out this part of the equation yet. Fox is doubling up MSNBC and CNN many nights.

B: See, the problem is Jon Stewart isn't willing to go the full crazy cult route and most Liberals wouldn't respond well to that anyway. That's why you find so many Lefties who are turned off by Keith Olbermann as they are O'Reilly.

A: What do you think of this proposed Crossfire on CNN idea? More Screamin' A Smith, PLEASE!!! Watching him eviscerate folks like Alex Castellanos on a nightly basis would be must see TV.

B: Ooo! Ooo! I'm very excited about that prospect.

A: Stephen A could do it. He specializes in screaming at folks, but is well informed too.

B: Steven A. screaming any anyone with his Ludacris style vocal cadence is a must see.

A: I love that guy, in a non-pauseworthy way GIVE HIM A SHOW NOW!!!

B: I KNOW! Ed Schultz has a show, man. THERE IS NO JUSTICE

A: True. but who would be brave enough to do it. Give Stephen A a show? He could just be a featured commentator. Doesn't need to host.

B: If MSNBC weren't afraid of Negroes they should have fired Ed and given Steven a show. Anything has to be better than Ed. Anything. No justice.

A: He's got a shtick made for radio. He's even boring there. Maddow is one of the few libs who successfully made the transition. I can't quite figure out why, I think she's just very likable, so it works for her.

B: My mom keeps thinking he's a Republican. I'm like, all fat white men are NOT conservatives, Mama Snob! That's profiling!

A: Not all of them.

B: It's like she sees a loud fat white guy and goes "REPUBLICAN!" I'm like, he's defending Hillary Clinton. And then she's all confused.

A: He just ISN'T INTERESTING. That's why they stuck it at 6pm. Even boring brett baier CRUSHES him in the ratings. Isn't he dead last behind Wolf? CNN was so good during election season. Why have they crashed and burned so badly since?

B: They have no identity.

A: I seldom tune in anymore.

B: I watch it out of habit.

A: I watch MSNBC more, and it's not even in HD yet.

B: Some of their on air talent is really lacking. Re: Boring as hell. Case in point: Rick Sanchez.

A: Some? Try ALL of it.

B: Wolf Blitzer can put me into a coma any day of the week.

A: Everyone there is lacking something.

B: Don Lemon is trying though. Ever since they let him start speaking his mind he's been fiesty.

A: Wolf is generic. Campbell Brown is just a clutz. Dobbs is a racist. King is too old for a 9pm spot. Cooper is too self-absorbed and doesn't deserve 2 hours.

B: I have no argument there.

A: Would it kill ANY of these 4 networks (including HLN) to give a SINGLE bro/sis a commentary show?

B: Yes. Yes it would.

A: And I'm not talking about news readers like The TEEGE, or Don "damn near translucent" Lemon.

B: Leave Don Lemon alone!

A: I mean an honest to goodness Negro with an opinion, who is allowed to spit it without having to apologize for crossing journalistic lines. Candidates, please?!?! Stephen A - would be a smash.

B: They took Carlos Watson's spot.

A: Roland - Wasn't allowed to be commentator. Really sucked as "moderator." Give him another chance with HIS OWN CONCEPT. Not a sinking ship.

B: Well, Rolly Rolls is going to have his own joint on TV One. So ...

A: I really liked Carlos Rogers on "Meet the Faith", one of BET's rare moments of brilliance, conveniently hidden on a Sunday Morning. What's the over/under on how bad the production quality on Rolly's TVOne show will be? I say it's one step above public access at best.

B: We will just have to wait and see, Bro. Wait and see.

Question: Do you have a "C" to add to the A/B Conversation?!?

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