Seriously, haven't we had enough of these "Nice White Folks Save The Ghetto Kids Through Sheer Will And Determination" movies already? Dangerous Minds, Hardball, Wildcats, The Ron Clark Story, Finding Forrester, Take The Lead, Freedom Writers. Seen one, you seen em' all.
So, I wanna test ya'll's knowledge of this shopworn Hollyweird formula, mad-libs style. First person to fill in all the blanks successfully wins a prize.
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with ________________ productions, and director __________ ________, comes the movie _____________ ____________ _________ starring __________ ___________ as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a ___________ to help combat the ____________ of ________-city schools. By the sheer power of her ____________, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from ___________ homes, who struggle to avoid ___________ and _________ in the __________ jungle, where every day is a fight to ____________.Can you fill in all the right answers?
____________ will help these children unlock their inner __________, by making them ___________ in themselves. Using _____________ and ______________ to express themselves, the kids confront the _____________ ______________ and gain _______________ to help them navigate a ________________ ________________. But will they show enough improvement in their _______________ _____________ to prevent the __________ _________ from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of ____________, ______________ and _____________ _________, __________ ____________ ___________ is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to _____________.
Question: Can you complete the mad lib above? Just cut and paste your answers into the comments, filling in the answers where the blanks are. What's your (least?) favorite Nice White Lady movie?
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First off, AB. You have to do more of these. This was FUN, FUN, FUN!!!
Here goes my version:
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, "Save Dem Po' Nigra Chillun" stars Angelina Jolie as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a GOP Congresswoman to help combat the despair of inner-city schools. By the sheer power of her mercy, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from broken homes, who struggle to avoid drugs and gang-banging in the urban jungle, where every day is a fight to stay in da game fo da luv of money.
Angelina~! will help these children unlock their inner white persona, by making them believe in themselves. Using tough luv and skreet smarts to express themselves, the kids confront the City Council and gain skrilla to help them navigate a plan to save MIRACLES. But will they show enough improvement in their newfound intelligence to prevent the Stank-Assed Hatas from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Yanni and Zamfir, "Save Dem Po' Nigra Chillun" is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by teaching her how to Walk It Out.
Directed by Woody Allen. Produced by Spike Lee. SUMMER 2010.
EG
I GOTS TA SEE IT!!!!
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, Seven-Elven Rebels stars Calista Flockhart as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a runway model to help combat the diabetes of inner-city schools. By the sheer power of her shoulderblades, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from fast-food homes, who struggle to avoid carbs and cholesterol in the twinkie jungle, where every day is a fight to buy vegetables.
Steamed broccoli will help these children unlock their inner anorexia, by making them starve themselves. Using celery and spinach art to express themselves, the kids confront the McDonalds Nation and gain willpower to help them navigate a Denny's menu. But will they show enough improvement in their caloric burn to prevent the school cafeteria from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Jay-Z and Frederich Chopin, Seven-Eleven Rebels is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by teaching her how to chew.
Lmao@ebonygentleman & spool32.
Very nice.
@ ebonygentleman:
Directed by Woody Allen?!?!?!?!?
Blue ribbon.
Ouch, you scared me with all those DANGEROUS MINDS!
@spool and ebony gentleman - CLASSIC!
Uhhh, okay ya'll, enough with congratulating Spool and EG (although I agree they were both great), give me some more answers. Make this a competition for crissakes. There's a prize at stake here.
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with Never Give-Up productions, and director Dick Cheney, comes the movie "Finding One's Purpose" starring Sarah Palin as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a Governor to help combat the plight of foreign-city schools. By the sheer power of her determination, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from seemingly good homes, who struggle to avoid teen pregnancy and forced marriage in the caste system jungle, where every day is a fight to maintain individual rights.
This teacher will help these children unlock their inner maverick, by making them believe in themselves. Using smiles and guns to express themselves, the kids confront the Indian system and gain confidence to help them navigate a movement that reaches Russia. But will they show enough improvement in their knowledge of world geography to prevent the government from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Madonna, Beyonce and her hit single "put a ring on it", Finding One's Purpose is the feel good movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to speak articulately.
New, from Lion’s Gate pictures, in association with Tyler Perry Productions, and director Tyler Perry, comes the movie, Tyler Perry’s You Betcha It’s Reading Phonics! , starring Sarah Palin as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a Fox News Spokesperson to help combat the illiteracy of inner city schools. By the sheer power of her genius, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from broken homes, who struggle to avoid incoherency in the library jungle, where every day is a fight to read. Palin will help these children unlock their inner English teacher, by making them memorize the dictionary. Using a pencil and paper to express themselves, the kids confront the school principal and gain articulacy to help them navigate a classroom. But will they show enough improvement in their new grammar skills to prevent the preschoolers from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Lil Wayne and Beethoven, Tyler Perry’s You Betcha it’s Reading Phonics! is the feel-good movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her to disappear into obscurity.
@Anon I see you used Sarah Palin too. LMAO.
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with No Limit productions, and director Master P, comes the movie No Child Left Behind starring Madonna as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a entertainer to help combat the illiteracy of urban city schools. By the sheer power of her whiteness, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from unkempt homes, who struggle to avoid gangs and books in the concrete jungle, where every day is a fight to read.
Madonna will help these children unlock their inner talnets, by making them believe in themselves. Using books and sheer will to express themselves, the kids confront the illiteracy and gain confidence to help them navigate a simple sentence. But will they show enough improvement in their reading to prevent the state from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Master P, C Murder and Mo B Dick, No Child Left behind is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to read.
Forgive me if I lack the creative genius at, what....8:22 AM to try and do the mad-libs version of this, lol.
But, my least favorite white lady saves the day was "Freedom Writers." Or maybe that was just the nice-white-lady-saves-the-day story that broke the camel's back. Seriously, I thought about going into secondary education after watching that movie because it irritated me so much and I knew there weren't many black male teachers in public schools. I went through all of high school and only had two, and only counted three out of the whole school with a teacher:student ratio of prolly no more than 1:25 and school pop. of 1,700.
If my school hadn't had to go through new state accreditation process, which would have meant an extra year of learning, I would have switched majors.
Weirdly enough, I've tended to keep my eye on most public high schools through various volunteer endeavors I've been in, and I remember in Chicago, I'd help my cousin with decorations for graduations and what not on the West Side and I remember seeing these young white women walking around as teachers.
While I'm not against effective teaching and effective teachers, I think the MadTV spoof does point out the glaring unmentioned sentiments that probably exist on all sides of the teacher-student-administrative spectrum. Personally, as a young black male, I'm torn as to what would be best for students: a young white woman who get through to them or a black male who struggles daily because of psychologically internal issues that non-whites deal with on a daily basis.
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with Harpo productions, and director Dr. Phil McGraw, comes the movie Get Your Money Right! starring Suze Orman as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a Personal Finance Guru to help combat the questionable financial spending habits of kids at non-inner-city schools. By the sheer power of her annoying voice and accent, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from middle-class homes, who struggle to avoid overspending on iTunes and trolling through shopping malls in the tree-lined suburban jungle, where every day is a fight to look cute in the latest gear.
Suze will help these children unlock their inner Donald Trump, by making them delay gratification in themselves. Using budget calculators and SuzeCam videos to express themselves, the kids confront the green-eyed monster of American consumerism and gain the discipline to help them navigate a world with no shopping. But will they show enough improvement in their spending habits to prevent the IRS from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Lil’ Wayne and Sarah McLachlan, Get Your Money Right! is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to use her mom’s credit cards.
@ Uppity,
I didn't see 'Freedom Writers' because at that point I was tired of a formula that quite frankly isn't that prevalent in reality. The back story to 'Freedom Writers' is more truthful: this young lady only did that for one year, ONE FRACKING YEAR, then moved out of the classroom to 'train other teachers' and of course barmstorm around the country with her story. Jaime Escalante ("Stand and Deliver") remained in the classroom, and still does I believe.
The other insidious truth appears to be how this template has inspired some educators to 'ride into the ghetto' for a few years so as to only pump up their resume before they move on, making them no better than those sperm-donor 'babby daddies' who 'hit it and quit it'.
Pathetic.
Not to pee in the punchbowl, but I think some hating imitators have been reading your site.
http://stuffblackpeopledontlike.blogspot.com/2009/07/73-crusading-white-pedagogues.html
That is a veiled hate site, obviously run by white nationalists. I strongly suggest that good people everywhere report it to Google. You can do that anonymously by using the Flag button at the top of all Google blogs, including that one.
Oaky, back to the Mad fun. I anxiously await the announcement of a weiner.
@ Uppity, pt. 2:
"black male who struggles daily because of psychologically internal issues that non-whites deal with on a daily basis."
Maybe it's my generation, or mostly my parents, but I've never grasped this issue. The time I've spent around people if anything has even more convinced me that no individual or group is better than another. My parents did a good job of brainwashing my brother and I into believing that NO ONE is better than you, to the point that my pops used to joke about both of us being 'intellectual snobs,' kinda like being uppity ;-)
@Lady M & Zen
Thank you for the early afternoon laugh!!! Y'all aren't right.
Great post, AB!! This is FUN!!
Zen, yarr! Excellent.
Lady M:... articulacy? ROTFL!
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with No Wrinkles productions, and director John Waters, comes the movie “Botox: It’s what’s In your Face” starring Meg Ryan as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a trophy wife to help combat the deep lines & ugly creases of city schools. By the sheer power of her inflated lips, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from under privileged homes, who struggle to avoid creases around the mouth and eyes in the urban jungle, where every day is a fight to look photoshop perfect.
Meg will help these children unlock their inner and outer beauty, by making them believe in injecting themselves. Using mirrors and headshots to express themselves, the kids confront their raggedy faces and gain the courage to help them navigate through a Botox future. But will they show enough improvement in their wrinkled foreheads and crows feet to prevent the School Board from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Paris Hilton, Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus and Marilyn Manson, “Botox: It’s What in Your Face” is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to perform her own liposuction of her ass.
Heh, these are great! So good I can't compete. All these movies and shows deserve is that kind of laugh. And there's so many of them!
"an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Master P, C Murder and Mo B Dick"
Win!
(Damn Linda, that Stuff B P Don't Like is fcked! Thanx for the rec on how to report it -- went there, did that.)
Lol @ Vanilla Latte. Greta Van Facelift would be a good co-star for that movie.
...Paris Hilton sings??
@Zen. Yours was great!!! Suze Orman is really annoying. It seems like a lot of her "financial advice" is common sense.
@Lady M
I wouldn't exactly call it "singing"...it's a lot of processing if you know what I mean!! :-o
@ adinasi
Never saw freedom writers, but Stand and Deliver is definitely one of my favorite movies. I didn't see it until i was older. My math teacher made us watch it before we took our AP calc test. Very inspiring. I think the movie works because it was less about the teacher and more about the kid's achievement.
Common sense isn't terribly common... :)
These were all very good. So good there's no definitive winner.
@ adinasi
It just seems that for some reason a black class would, possibly in some cases, receive a white woman better than they would receive me in front of their class. Where it would really play out as it has in many of these movies.
As far as educational movies, it seems that all we have in our corner is "Lean On Me" as a movie about a black educator who did well. And "The Marva Collins Story" which I don't think even gets any play anymore. Not saying that it wouldn't happen, but do you know how much of an uphill battle it would be for a black male teacher to go in a class as did the white female and attempt to recreate what she did?
@ Uppity,
What children receive is anyone who's firm, consistent, fair, and committed. During summer school the past week when I first showed up I got the most love from the students who gave me the most hell last year. No matter how many times I put them out my room or called home, they came to understand that I was consistent, committed, and truly cared about them.
The teachers who don't do these things, no matter what color, the students sense like sharks with blood in the water. The classroom is a crucible that reveals truth better than most, if not all. You would be as effective in the classroom as you chose to be; one thing that I take for granted but upon which I'm complimented is my patience. The aforementioned students at first were absolute terrors and could not stand me; once they realized I was serious and not going away, but most importantly was serious ABOUT THEM, their attitudes changed. This takes time, and still more time for their academic performance to change.
What debilitates education today (I'm going political here) is those who make the same efforts as myself are rewarded and compensated exactly the same as those that don't. While more $$ and professional opportunities would be nice, at least get rid of the dead-weight clock punchers who only ruin generation after generation.
In regards to stuff black people don't like, both of those posts were published the same day and absolutely nothing is similar between the two.
I don't mind the site that much and I'm Black. I think it's pretty funny actually.
(Sort of done in jest)
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with Save-A-Child productions, and director Sally Field, comes the movie From The Ghetto To The Graduate: Saving The Savages starring Hilary Swank, well known for her Save-A-Hoe organization as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a corporate mechanical engineering lawyer to help combat the savagery of inner-city schools. By the sheer power of her beauty, presence, and pity for the savages, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from shattered homes, who struggle to avoid despair and acting white in the unforgiving concrete jungle, where every day is a fight to beat the odds.
Swank will help these children unlock their inner Asian White nerd child, by making them believe in themselves. Using crayons and markers to express themselves, the kids confront the isolation, despair, ghetto savagery and dysfunction and gain strength to help them navigate a cruel cold world dominated by Swank's evil White counterparts. But will they show enough improvement in their obligatory test scores to prevent the urban education corporation from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of Celine Dion, Black Eyed Peas and The Verve, From The Ghetto To The Graduate: Saving The Savages is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating in a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to shake it like a Polaroid picture and teach her friends upon her return to Lilywhiteville.
Least favorite: anything with Hilary Swank and Julia Stiles.
New, from Lion's Gate pictures, in association with Bad Robot productions, and director Michael Bay, comes the movie Mama, I Don't Wanna Be a Slizzy No Mo starring Scarlett Johanssen as a woman who leaves a lucrative job as a phone sex operator to help combat the VD epidemic in inner-city schools. By the sheer power of her breasts and white girl charm, she makes a difference in the lives of teens from condomless homes, who struggle to avoid the clap and babymama/daddy-hood in the STD jungle, where every day is a fight to remain virginal.
Scarlett will help these children unlock their inner piety, by making them see the chastity in themselves. Using KY and spermicide to express themselves, the kids confront their oversexed demons and gain the dexterity needed to climb into body condoms to help them navigate a horny world. But will they show enough improvement in their sexting skills to prevent the O'Reilly Factor from shutting the program down?
With an inspiring soundtrack featuring the music of the Pussycat Dolls, NIN and Bjork, Mama, I Don't Wanna Be a Slizzy No Mo is the feelgood movie of the summer, culminating a touching scene where the students bond with their teacher by showing her how to work a pole so she can make a lateral career move.
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