Friday, June 12, 2009

Negroes Please.

Sometimes your either read a quote, or hear someone say something so stoopid, so far out there that all you can say is "Negro Please". Witness the following from this illustrious week in Negro Pleasedom alone.

Derrick Rose

So, you win NBA Rookie Of The Year, you take your hometown Chicago Bulls into the playoffs, and you're already considered one of the best young point guards in the game. But if you're Bulls star Derrick Rose, you simply cannot dodge controversy. First, the University of Memphis admits Rose sorta coulda mighta fudged his SAT scores prior to his one year internship there. Then, a very embarrassing photo of Rose hits the web, showing the star rookie high as a kite, awkwardly flashing gang signs.

Instead of getting extra humble, Rose naturally goes into full blown "speaking in 3rd person mode", which just proves that one year of college is just as good as none.

"This photo of me was taken at a party I attended in Memphis while I was in school there, and was meant as a joke...a bad one, I now admit. I want to emphatically state, now and forever, that Derrick Rose is anti-gang, anti-drug, and anti-violence."

Negro Please.

I can't imagine that this makes David Stern very happy, but given the number of other players who haphazardly flash gang signs during team introductions (yep, I'm talkin' about you Caron Butler), maybe some amendments need to be made to that controversial dress code.

Jeremiah Wright

The next Negro Please goes to Jeremiah Wright, who apparently has P. Diddy Syndrome. This Negro simply cannot stay away from a hot mic or running camera.

The "Jews" won't let you talk to him? F'real?

Negro Please.

Could it possibly have something to do with the fact that you damn year deepsixed his campaign with that UPN sitcom audition at the Press Club a few months ago?

I'd tell you to lose my number too. I doubt any Jews had to tell Obama that.

Michael Steele

I promised I'd lay of Michael Steele for awhile, but how could I possibly stick to my guns when this idiot shot himself in the foot yet again the other day?

"God help you if you're a white male"?!?

Negro Please.

Sorry Mike, the moratorium on clowning your Humpty Hump lookin' ass is over. Seriously, do you think before you speak? Are you aware that you're on thin ice with your own party? Do you have any sense of self awareness at all?

David Letterman?!?

The final Negro Please doesn't actually go to a Negro, but instead to late night babbler David Letterman. It's a cold day in South Hades when you find me sticking up for Sarah Palin, but this was in poor taste, and Letterman needed to apologize (which he did).

Come on, mane, seriously? A-Rod knocks up the kid? Spitzer jokes? Slutty flight attendant? Kilo of crack? Jew jokes? Are your writers that lame or are you simply not funny?

Nilla Please.

Question: Was Letterman's joke just a joke, or over the line? Did Jeremiah Wright have a point, or is his still suffering from Diddy Syndrome months later? Doesn't Michael Steele look like Humpty Hump/Shock G?

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