Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Mark Sanford - ePimpin' 101.

After Kwame Kilpatrick's embarrassing Sextual Healin' debacle, you'd think elected officials would be smart enough to get a gmail account for their ePimpin'.[1] But nooo, Mark Sanford, genius that he is (not that you didn't realize this genius when he rejected stimulus funds) apparently doesn't read the Detroit Free Press like the rest of us. And by leaving behind a tawdy electronic trail, he's likely sealed his fate as Governor of the Palmetto State.

That said, I'll give the guy some credit: for a fiftysomething white dude, he was definitely layin' the e-Mack down properly to his shapely Argentine senorita. Peep the prose.
You have a particular grace and calm that I adore. You have a level of sophistication that so fitting with your beauty. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night’s light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details ...

Three and finally, while all the things above are all too true - at the same time we are in a hopelessly - or as you put it impossible - or how about combine and simply say hopelessly impossible situation of love. How in the world this lightening strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure. As I have said to you before I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these feelings were contained and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and the comparing of all too many personal notes ...

Lastly I also suspect I feel a little vulnerable because this is ground I have never certainly never covered before - so if you have pearls of wisdom on how we figure all this out please let me know... In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul.”
Get it, pimpin'!!! Dang, that boy was spittin' some game. Bishop Don Magic Juan ain't got sh*t on Money Mark.

Perhaps he's got a future with Harlequin. Lord knows his political career is toast.

On a somewhat related note, I wonder why Sanford, and others of his ilk don't just play situations like this straight up with voters. His wife had known about this affair for months, so the "busted" factor was nonexistent. Apparently he's actually got some feelings for "Maria", she's no jumpoff, Governor Groupie, or "escort". If he'd simply come before voters and announced his pending divorce, stating that he and his wife had simply "drifted apart", but that he was still gonna take care of his kids, would anyone have really cared? Voters have a short memory when it comes to stuff like this. John McCain's extra martial affairs are ancient history. Does anyone care that both Kennedy boys used Marilyn Monroe like a white version of SuperHead?

In today's media driven society, something tells me that if Sanford had been a "G" about his, he prolly woulda gotten to keep his job, and had an attractive Latina trophy wife come 2016. You know the GOP is trying to win the Brown vote and whatnot. And with all these love letters and an image rehabbing stop on Oprah's couch, dude coulda prolly spun this into sypathetic female votes. Imagine the possibilities, Mark!

As is, for lying through his Conservative teeth, this guy's next career stop is prolly the Orangeburg Sizzler.

Note To All Politricians: Don't lie. Just be honest with voters and your spouse. We're probably big enough to take it, but nobody wants to be lied to.

Question: Would Sanford (and Kilpatrick for that matter) have been better off simply divorcing his wife and keepin' it one hunned with voters? Is Sanford nice with the verbs, or is it just me?

Exclusive: E-mails between Sanford, woman [TheState]

[1] Turns out Sanford was indeed smart enough to Hotmail-Up, but not smart enough to keep some "anonymous tipster" from forwarding his PimpMail to the local paper. Back in December. I wonder why these folks sat on this story for over six months. And they say only Lib-ruls get favorable press coverage. Baloney.

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