Sunday, June 28, 2009 LiveBlogs The BET Awards - Hour One.

Read chronologically from bottom to top. Updates happen whenever I get a free moment.

Just in case you're curious. AB - Me, AS - My Wife AOB - My Oldest Brother, AMB - My Middle Brother, AA - My Aunt, ASL - My Sister In Law, ABL - My Brother In Law.


{Trey Songz does some MJ tribute. He struggles mightly with the teleprompter.}

AA - Stay in school.

AOB - Chris Brown stole his spot.


{NeYo wins some award.}



{Jamie Foxx wins some award}

AB - This is sorta like a perfect attendance award. You have to win something for just showing up.


{Soulja Boy performance. AverageInfant is glued to the screen.}

AB - Take my child in the other room, please.

{AS takes the baby away. He starts crying.}

ABL - Turn the swag off.


AB - Drake looks like that black guy who sells weed at all white suburban high schools.

AS - Not funny.


{Jamie Foxx performance}

AS - He is holding ALL of his package.

AA - All 5 inches of it.

AB - Puffy and his Ciroc product placement. Michael would be so pround.

{Snoop comes out}

AS - This sounds terrible. Why is Snoop out there?

AA - Big Ass Chain?!?!

AS - Ghetto t-shirt makers are gettin' paid this weekend.

AB - Is that chain real?

AOB - That's real.

AMB - Travis Barker?

ABL - He's killin' them drums.

AB - I guess you gotta do something to liven up a vocoder song.


AOB - Keke Palmer can sing.

AMB - She needs her teeth whitened.

AS - That's just wrong.

AB - Little Bobby J needs his own Nick Jr. show. Get this child a show before he hits a growth spurt.


{Frankie & Neffe promo}

AS - Crackheads.

AOB - Lookin' really crackish.


AB - NeYo is one of the few dudes who can do Michael some justice.

AS - Whoa, leave the hat ON!

ABL - He needs a wig. Wow!

AB - He sounds great.

AA - This is good.

AS - Wow.

AB - He should have written Michael's album.

AMB - He took off the hat to honor Mike.

AA - Why is Joe Jackson there?


{Keri Hilson performance}

AB - Somebody's got plumber's butt.

AS -She's got the Michael Jackson look.

AMB - She sounds terrible.

AB - She does absolutely nothing for me.

AS - She better not.

AB - {silence}

AS - This looks like some performing arts high school dance act.

AOB - She almost fell.

AA - This is boring.

AOB - She messed up.

AMB - BET sucks.


{Tiny & Toya promo plays}

AOB - Get that money. TI can't sell records forever.

AS - Is that girl really Lil' Wayne's ex-wife or just some wifey?


AB - Lil Wayne bought the whole Magnolia with him.

AOB - His daughter is 12 and she's already taller than him.

AS - Tyra is acting like she don't want no part of these clowns.

AMB - Ginuwine.

AS - He wore that suit is the "Pony" video.

AB - Ginuwine got him a Harold Pener Men Of Fashion Suit.


AS - Tyra's lacefront looks better tonight.

AOB - I don't like it.

AS - It's better than Beyonce's.

AOB - She looks like an alien.

{Lebron James wins an award}

AOB - Lebron's boy is lookin' at Tyra's butt.

AA - He needs some ennunciation lessons.

AB - Kobe is going to steal that award backstage.


AB - Does Lil' Wayne have custody, or is it just always his weekend when there's an award show?

{everyone tunes out Jamie Foxx's boring monologue...}

ASL - Aww shucks, moonwalking.


AOB - Oh God, this fool is in some skinny jeans!

AB - Ok, this is sorta funny.

ASL - Jamie looks old.

AA - Those are some tight pants. What is that thing on the back of his head?


Michael Jackson Montage. Shocker!

Wow, New Edition. They're going for the gold from the jump. Bobby too.

ABL - Is that Bobby?

AOB - That's Johnny Gill.

AB - There's 6 of em'.

ABL - That is Bobby. With a faux hawk.

AA - What is everyone getting a mohawk?

AB - That's the thing. That and skinny jeans.

AOB - That's Johnny on the guitar.

ASL - That was just okay.

AB - Ditto.

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