Wednesday, June 3, 2009
In the weeks leading up to A.V.N. Week II, I had initially planned to do a piece on my obsession with the ladies' butt and thighs. Instead, a personal experience I had last month inspired me to do something a little less vulgar and more appropriate.
"Why I Love Chicken": My Infatuation With The Female Posterior, will have to wait for now.
This year's cold and flu season has been a tough one for me. During the normal course of a year, I usually deal with dry eyes, runny nose and a cough. I can count on being really sick twice a year, in the Spring and around December. Dust, pollen and grass molds are my enemy. I don't complain much, so I just accept that reality of my allergies.
In April of this year, my wife and I planned a weekend escape to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We try to go at least once a year, and enjoy some shopping, seafood, sun and sex--I mean, companionship.
Anyway, a few days before we departed, I awoke to find a strange phenomenon on my way to work. My entire neighborhood was engulfed in a yellow storm. Pollen that normally settled on everything not nailed down, was gusting around like a dust storm. I'd never seen anything like it. In hindsight, maybe I should have covered my mouth with a cloth or something, but I just trucked along to my car and went on to work.
The beach that weekend was pristine, with the pure salt air opening up all of my normally congested breathing passages. Things were going well until an unfortunate incident happened. The hotel elevator conked out. No big deal, unless your room is seven floors up.
Now I'm a husky dude...well...in a Pooh Bear sorta way.
Let me stop lying, ya'll. I'm fat (for my size). *tissues*
OH, LAWD I can't put down that fried chicken! I just cain't. *whoo*
It be callin' me. My mouth waters, my toes tingle and my heart skips. My Wife's fried chicken is better than sex! I--
*****PLEASE STAND BY. E.G. must take his meds.*****
So I figure, I can hit the ol' stairwell and do this thang. I was going well until the fifth floor. My body came to a complete stop and my muscles started cramping. I was sweating like a diabetic in a KrispyKreme doughnut shop. By the time I limped back to the room, I collapsed on the bed and gasped for air. I was pitiful.
A couple of weeks ago, I had an episode that scared me to death. I was having trouble breathing. I was walking around the house gasping like Sherman Klump. My reathing was erratic, and I couldn't take a full breath. Just short raspy huffs and a VERY dry cough. I had to call out of work twice in that span, because my health was so poor. On top of that I was having chest pains. I continued to work, and postpone a doctor's visit, because I wasn't insured (another topic for later).
In the end, I visited a local doctor and got checked out. I was diagnosed as having an inflamed respiratory system and was put on some medication. I also got an inhaler to help, which was strange to me because I have never beenasthmatic.
It cost a bit without the proper medical insurance, but the medicines have been helping. In spite of my current allergic condition, I have been scared straight into changing my lifestyle a bit. Sodas are out, Water (Sobe LifeWateris LOVE) is in. Fried stuff is out mostly, and I'm crock potting more. My wifey and I are starting our walking regimen this week. I've actually lost some weight since I started working on a better me.
These are just a few things I'm doing to erase the old lifestyle of grease, pork, Snicker bars, hot sauce and other things. There's only one of me, and I don't want you all to put up a memorial page on my Myspace page just yet. Your local egghead has more to give before that happens.
Now if I could do something about that fried chicken....
Question: Have you had a health scare recently? What are you doing to change bad habits into good ones? How has the cold/flu season affected you (if at all)? What tips do you have to share for a better lifestyle?
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