Monday, March 2, 2009

Rush Calls Steele - AB Has The Tape.

[Scene: Mike Steele is sitting around the Capitol Hill office of the RNC, merrily perusing for the best deals on Rogaine and the Steve Harvey suit collection. Phone rings.

Steele {answering phone} - "Hello. Michael Steele, GOP H.N.I.C. speakin'."

Rush {breathing heavily} - "..."

S - "Who dis?!?"

R {breathing heavily} - "..."

S - "Darnit Mike Tyson, if this is you calling again for that $20,000 I owe you, I told you I'd get you back when Fox sends my latest check!!! Quit harassing me!" {hangs up}

{phone rings again}

S - "Yeah."

R - "Chairman Steele?"

S - "Yeah. Who dis'?"

R - "This is Rush Limbaugh, Mr. Steele."

S {spits out venti carmel macchiato, nearly choking with fear} - "Yes, Mr. Limbaugh. Uhhh, how's the weather down there? They say a bad day in Florida is a good d..."

R - "Enough of the pleasantries. I heard you were talking sh*t about me this weekend on some CNN show!"

S - "Uhhhh, it's all just a big misunderstanding. I was up there with DL Hughley and Chuck D, and I got a little carried away, that's all."

R - "Really. You called me 'ugly' and 'incendiary'."

S - "Actually, I didn't technically say that. DL said it, and I just repeated back what he said."

R - "That's not how the tape looked to me, Mike."

S {backpedalling} - "See, what had happened was..."

R - "Listen here, punk! You and I both know you wouldn't have that job without Obama. You need to help me take him down, not prop him up. Your livelihood depends on him failing."

S - "Well, I don't want him to fail, I want America to succeed regardl..."

R - "No, you want him to fail! Miserably. If this works you are out of a job."

S - "I guess you have a point. But, hey, won't you be out of a job too?"

R - "Are you kidding me? I made $33M last year! I'm good. You're the one who needs to worry about paying off Mike Tyson."

S - "How do you know about that?"

R - "I know far more than you think, nitwit. And I'll tell you what. Cross me publicly one more time and you'll need to pray everytime you walk to your parking garage."

S - "No, please, don't."

R - "Well keep your semi-beige ass in line then. I am the H.W.I.C. of the GOP! I could crush you!"

S {whimpering} - "Sometimes, a n*gga get.... confused."

R - "Enough! Call Hannity and apologize tonight. And don't let this happen again."

S - "Yessir."

R - {click}

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