Thursday, March 5, 2009

Grand Hu$tle?!? - Patch Perfect Grass Seed.

I'm more or less obsessed with having the best lawn on my block. I literally spend hours each week mowing, edging, raking, and blowing. [||] One of the peskiest parts of lawn care is when you inevitably have to reseed to cover up burn spots, or God forbid, pet urine stains, courtesy of your triflin' a$$ed neighbors.

Watching grass grow is an idiom for complete boredom, but filling in patches in your lawn is tedious as hell. You have to water, water, water, and even then, it could take weeks to see the fruits of your labor. Patch Perfect Grass Seed promises to circumvent this whole process with genetically enhanced seeds that take in mere hours, without water. It sounds too good to be true.

But does it actually work?

What follows is a fairly representative opinion culled from numerous product review websites. Their words, not mine.
"One container received, not two as offered. It was only 3/4 full. Fraud. Patch Perfect doesn't have a Customer reply e-mail address. Don't deal with them. Buy local grass seed-cheaper anyway!!!!"

"It's the kind of seed you see on the side of the road after road construction. You see huge patches of blue/green seed. It grows really fast so that's why they use it. How long it lasts, I can't say. But I'm thinking the county wouldnt allow them to use something that died after it sprouted."

"So far I am skeptical. I recived my bottle of patch perfect yesterday and for the amount I paid I was very disappointed in the amount of product I recieved. Today my girls and I spread the seeds in the bald patches around our grass and I can say for certain there is just no way this small amount of grass seed would cover 200 pet urine spots. We were able to cover about 15 spots before we ran out. The product comes with no paperwork on how to use it or even how thick of a layer of seeds to put down leaving one to guess on how much you should use per spot. I do hope it works and I will gladly leave another review in the next week or two when/if I see some review so far...too much money and not enough product."

"Patch Perfect came in 2 large containers, I reviewed the infomercial and directions on back of container. Both do not coinside for the amount that is to be applied. 2 months later and have seen some growth, but not like it shows and NOT on any surface that does not have good soil that you till. Bagged, local grass seed was better."

"I sprinkled Patch Perfect in several bare areas around my home on July 7, 2007, and on July 12, 2007 the grass had grown about one half inch already! I am amazed, although I was skeptical in the beginning. I am convinced and pleased that your product does exactly as advertised. I will continue using it as necessary. Thanks Patch Perfect"

"This stuff comes no where near covering 100sqft as promised with the double amount of seed you get when you order. It says to spread it 1/4 inch thick. If you follow these direction it will take care of 4 large pet spots no where near 100sqft is size. Don't buy it!!!"

"They claim to keep costs down by shipping in one container. I believe they keep costs down by not having any customer service whatsoever. You will not be able to speak to anyone from Patch Perfect, makes me wonder if the product is garbage. No tracking info provided, no way to contact, save your money."

"All I can say is that I've been scammed. If I could give this product a 0, I would. The only way this product will cover 100 sq. ft. is if you only wanted 5 blades of grass per square foot to grow. It's more likely to cover about 3 square feet. It would be nice if the company offered a customer service e-mail address to voice my complaint because i'm sure not going to waste my time calling their customer service department. I probably should have sent it back but I figued I wasted enough of my money. Like they say...if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!!! So don't waste your money!!!!!"
Synopsis: Anyone who maintains a lawn with the little spare time they have can tell you there are few shortcuts. As expected, Patch Perfect is little more than contractor-grade grass seed, the sorta stuff they throw out when building new homes. There are no magic seeds that germinate without grass and significant amounts of sunlight. These are no exception to that rule. Perhaps most disconcerting are the shady maneuverings, and possible phantom charges from Customer Support. Beware!

Final Verdict: Grand Hu$tle!!! If you really need to patch your lawn, buy sod when it's in season. It's cheaper than you think and not at all difficult to lay. You'll need to tread lightly until it takes root, but it's far more effective than this nonsense.

Question: Have you tried Patch Perfect Grass Seed? Would you buy it now?

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