Friday, January 30, 2009

C.Y.I.N. Case Study - Obama vs Citigroup.

I'll admit, I've sometimes been critical of Barack Obama's diplomacy before conflict style. I wondered if this milquetoast demeanor would mean dude was a pushover when it came to C.Y.I.N. and straight checkin' a fool when the sichyashun demanded it.

Wrong. In just one week, Obama's pushed back on corporate America more than Bush did in two terms.
The high-flying execs at Citigroup caved under pressure from President Obama and decided today to abandon plans for a luxurious new $50 million corporate jet from France

The decision came 24 hours after the banking giant, which was rescued by a $45 billion taxpayer lifeline, defended buying the state-of-the-art Dassault Falcon 7X -- one of nine to be flying in U.S. skies -- as a smart business deal. The jet, the epitome of corporate prestige and privilege, can carry 12 passengers in elegant comfort.

ABC News has learned that on Monday officials of the Obama administration called Citigroup about the company's new $50 million corporate jet and told execs to "fix it."
I'm sure dude tried to do this in a dignified manner, then said eff' it and CHIN.

The call prolly went like this...
Obama: "Good morning gentlemen, I'd like to talk to you about that jet you are about to purchase."

Citigroup Execs Huddled Around Polycom: "Congrats on that win. We woulda voted for you, but McCain was gonna cut our taxes. Sorry."

O: "That's neither here nor there. Let's talk about that..."

CEHAP: "Hey, can you show us how to do that fistbump? That would be a good icebreaker for our next corporate outing!"

O: "Gentlemen, you can just spend money recklessly like that, the Ameri..."

CEHAP: "Well it's not like we've got an ice sculpture pissing Vodka. This was important."

O: "No, it's a waste of taxpayer money and..."

CEHAP: "Hey, did you ever see Palin from behind? How was she.."

O: "Gentlemen, let's not deviate..."

CEHAP: "Yeah, one of my mistresses looks like that. She's gonna enjoy the executive bedroom on this jet. Thanks for the money Barack."

O: {erupts} "Look here you pasty motherf*******, I gave you that money to keep the lights on, not for you to floss and turn into some sort b*tchmobile for your Mile High Club Fantasies. I'm the POTUS, and you will cancel the purchase of that jet or you better watch your back everytime you reach 20,000 feet!!! This ain't no option, b*tches!!! Get down or lay down!!!"

CEHAP: "Yes sir, Mr. President Sir, we're cancelling the order right now."

O: "You damn right, and don't make me call here again or it's gon' be some consequences and repercussions!"

CEHAP: "Yessir Mr. President Sir."

O: "Now go back to fixing that company you ran into the ground before I send some goons to your parking garage!"

CEHAP: "Yessir Mr..."

O: "F*ck Marion Barry! There's a new H.N.I.C. in Chocolate City. You bamas better recognize!"

CEHAP: {puzzled} "H.N.I.C.!?!? Is that the Hawaiian National Industri..."

O: "No, I don't have time to explain this. Do you have Netflix?"

CEHAP: "Yes."

O: "Well put Lean On Me in your queue and get with the program."

CEHAP: "Yessir Mr. President Sir."

O: "And don't let this sh*t happen no' mo', ya' heard. I got 98 problems on my hands as is. You don't wanna be #99. Trust. I'll put that on my grandma!"

CEHAP: "Yessir Mr..."

...and scene.

I'm not sayin' it went down exactly like that, but it was prolly close.

Question: Did Obama flex on Citigroup to prove that he's the new H.N.I.C. sheriff in town, or was this just such an egregious waste of taxpayer money that it would have been bad PR to let it slide?

Obama Officials Tell Citibank To Ditch Plans For $50 Million Private Jet [HuffPost]

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