Thursday, January 1, 2009's New Year's Predictions.

New Year's Resolutions are for punks. Let's face it, if you need wait until January 1st and announce to the world you intentions to finally join Bally's and lose that gut, you probably aren't gonna make it. I would really like to permanently remove that word from the English Language.

I'm more about predictions anyway. They're more fun to make, and if you're wrong, who cares? If you're right, you look like a genius. So, in the interest of looking like a genius, I'm staring into the AB Crystal Ball and giving you a boatload of various predictions for 09'.

* The Obama White House will have some sort of major scandal early on. This won't be tied to anything that Barry does directly, it'll be another of those "guilt by association" deals they keep trying to tag him with. But this time, it'll be serious, and he'll have to tell somebody high profile to kick rocks.

* The economy will stabilize. The plan of rebuilding infrastructure will cost a lot, but will also pay off, provided The Administration finds some concrete way to stop all the construction gigs from going to illegal aliens. More on this later.

* One very high profile Black Republican will have a falling out with the party and publicly switch sides.
* The Dow will stabilize by mid-year. Your 401K will still be tear-inducing.

* A high-profile Fortune 500 company will catch Obamania and name a black woman CEO.

* Several American retail institutions will go belly up.
* The North Carolina Tarheels will go undefeated and easily win the NCAA Basketball Championship in Detroit.

* The Pittsburgh Steelers will win Super Bowl XLIII, making Mike Tomlin only the second black coach to do so.

* Oklahoma's Blake Griffin will be the #1 pick in the 2009 NBA Draft. He'll be headed to Washington. I won't care one bit.
* Rap music sales will continue to plummet. High profile acts like Eminem, 50 Cent, TI, and even Jay-Z will drop albums that are commercial flops.

* Disturbed by the lack of blacks on network TV, the NAACP will again mount a campaign to force the Big Four to put more faces of color on air and behind the camera. It will prove futile.

* Somebody who isn't supposed to become pregnant will. Somebody who isn't supposed to get that person pregnant will.
* A member of AverageNation™ will get something they've long hoped and prayed for.

* This blog will hit the 1,500 post milestone.

* Someone will offer AverageBro a high-profile, paid writing gig. I will accept, provided they pay me in actual money, not CyberCapriSuns™.

Question: Okay, those are my predictions, show me yours.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.