Thursday, January 1, 2009

AB.com's New Year's Predictions.

New Year's Resolutions are for punks. Let's face it, if you need wait until January 1st and announce to the world you intentions to finally join Bally's and lose that gut, you probably aren't gonna make it. I would really like to permanently remove that word from the English Language.



I'm more about predictions anyway. They're more fun to make, and if you're wrong, who cares? If you're right, you look like a genius. So, in the interest of looking like a genius, I'm staring into the AB Crystal Ball and giving you a boatload of various predictions for 09'.

Politricks
* The Obama White House will have some sort of major scandal early on. This won't be tied to anything that Barry does directly, it'll be another of those "guilt by association" deals they keep trying to tag him with. But this time, it'll be serious, and he'll have to tell somebody high profile to kick rocks.

* The economy will stabilize. The plan of rebuilding infrastructure will cost a lot, but will also pay off, provided The Administration finds some concrete way to stop all the construction gigs from going to illegal aliens. More on this later.

* One very high profile Black Republican will have a falling out with the party and publicly switch sides.
Bid'ness
* The Dow will stabilize by mid-year. Your 401K will still be tear-inducing.

* A high-profile Fortune 500 company will catch Obamania and name a black woman CEO.

* Several American retail institutions will go belly up.
Sports
* The North Carolina Tarheels will go undefeated and easily win the NCAA Basketball Championship in Detroit.

* The Pittsburgh Steelers will win Super Bowl XLIII, making Mike Tomlin only the second black coach to do so.

* Oklahoma's Blake Griffin will be the #1 pick in the 2009 NBA Draft. He'll be headed to Washington. I won't care one bit.
Entertainment
* Rap music sales will continue to plummet. High profile acts like Eminem, 50 Cent, TI, and even Jay-Z will drop albums that are commercial flops.

* Disturbed by the lack of blacks on network TV, the NAACP will again mount a campaign to force the Big Four to put more faces of color on air and behind the camera. It will prove futile.

* Somebody who isn't supposed to become pregnant will. Somebody who isn't supposed to get that person pregnant will.
Miscellaneous
* A member of AverageNation™ will get something they've long hoped and prayed for.

* This blog will hit the 1,500 post milestone.

* Someone will offer AverageBro a high-profile, paid writing gig. I will accept, provided they pay me in actual money, not CyberCapriSuns™.

Question: Okay, those are my predictions, show me yours.

11 AverageComments™:

Symphony said...

Disturbed by the lack of blacks on network TV, the NAACP will again mount a campaign to force the Big Four to put more faces of color on air and behind the camera. It will prove futile.

This is an annual event. Its like saying February will come after January. I'm not counting this as a prediction.

I predict I will accomplish my resolutions.

RunningMom said...

"* The North Carolina Tarheels will go undefeated and easily win the NCAA Basketball Championship in Detroit."

As one who has tickets to the Final 4 games in Detroit, I hope you're right!

Huntdaddy said...

I'm not much on predication and New Year's Resolutions etc but here's some stuff I think I can stand by....

Prediction: The economy is still going to limp along for the first 6 months of the year and things will only moderately get better in 2009. So, save your money....

Resolution: Earn some passive income and get a hustle...in 2009, one job ain't gonna get it done so I need a job and at least one hustle.

AB - I hope you get that big time writing job. I'll be rooting for you!

ebonygentleman said...

AB & EG will debut a secret project...pending approval from the higher up at AB.com

Wifey will finally end up with a baby ham in the oven, making me a first time dad. EG will run to the store to buy a copy of "Green Eggs & Ham" to read to newborn.

Pittsburgh Steelers and the Philadelphia Eagles will meet in SB XLIII.

I've become a Deacon in my local church, so I'll expect to give a few more messages from the pulpit.
(But that don't mean that I'm changing a bit on this site. Heh.)

Obama will have a rocky first year as president, but things will smooth out by Christmas '09.

The Boston Celtics & LA Lakers will go 7 games in the Finals this year.

UNC will become ACC Champions, and should win the NCAA.


EG

tonystarks said...

Pretext for war against Iran, some how some way.

AverageBro said...

@ EG

Best of luck on the lil' ham.

Anonymous said...

AB what is up with your cousin Hot Air Blogger? He is hilarious and should be blogging on the regular! I know you do guest posts, so please let him be a guest blogger on your site. His post about the 70 year old grandad picking up someone else's kid on a bike is straight up funny as hell!
If he is stil blogging, what is his website?

TC

AverageBro said...

@ Anon/TC

I just hollered at HotAirBalogger. He'll be back on the grind shortly, and we'll have him on the Guest List.

Kirby said...

Yo where is that blog on the 70 year old man on the bike at. That shit sounds straight comical.

I'm predicting that:
- Obama will fulfill his promises of righting the ship and get the economy on track within the first year of his campaign.
- The real surprise of the administration will be the impact that Mrs. Obama has on the country; think Hills contribution without all the bitchyness associated with it.
- The Cubs will finally end my years of suffering and bring home that 'ship.
- Governor Blogavich will be impeached and then found guilty of all charges brought on by the modern Elliot Ness Pat Fitzgerald.
- Jay will put out another classic album and a bun in the oven, which in turn will give Beyonce the big ass her hips deserves.
- The music industry will solve the sales drop problems caused by technology.
- After years of hoping and praying people around the world will be inspired by B.Rock's leadership and give peace a chance

Anonymous said...

Yaaaaay!!!!! Thanks AB! You are the ish! (your blog is the bomb too just so ya know!) :]

TC

msdailey said...

Unfortunately our #1 team lost to B.C. yesterday, but I still believe they will be winners of the 2009 NCAA championship!

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