AverageBro NewsBriefs - "Change The Topic From That CJames Debacle" Edition.

I've got my hands full with the Day Job today. So here's all the news that's fit to blog, but not worthy of it's own post. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Al-Qaida WeedCarrier Calls Obama A House Negro

Man, what can I really say about this?

Al-Qaida's No. 2 leader used a racial epithet to insult Barack Obama in a message posted Wednesday, describing the president-elect in demeaning terms that imply he does the bidding of whites.

The message appeared chiefly aimed at persuading Muslims and Arabs that Obama does not represent a change in U.S. policies. Ayman al-Zawahri said in the message, which appeared on militant Web sites, that Obama is "the direct opposite of honorable black Americans" like Malcolm X, the 1960s African-American rights leader.

In al-Qaida's first response to Obama's victory, al-Zawahri also called the president-elect—along with secretaries of state Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice—"house negroes."

I mean, seriously, "House Negroes"? How the ham sammich do these sand-bamas even know what a "house negro" is?



And if we've got such amazing technology that we can use to spy on folks from outer space, how come we can't find a 7-foot tall guy with a dialysis machine in a country the size of Connecticut? That just don't add up? These bamas are releasing tapes like they're DJ Drama or somethin', but we have no idea how to find them? Bullcrap.

Seriously, I hate to pull a James T. Harris, but seriously Barack, I AM BEGGING YOU SIR! BEGGING YOU! Take it to deez bamas like Bush would have, if he didn't have a vested stake in not bringing Bin Laden to justice.

I sure hope all those asshats who think Obama is a "domestic terrorist", "undercover Muslim" and a "secret Arab" watch this and learn. If this don't convince them...

Dude, Where's MY Bailout?

So, the heads of the Big Three were in DC yesterday literally begging for their supper. While nothing makes me smile more than watching a bunch of snivelling jerks like this reduced to such a pity-party, I gotta say an emphatic "hell to the naw" to any bailout of GM, Chrysler, and Ford.



Let's face it, America is good at lots of stuff. Basketball, gangster rap, .... uh, okay, I'm drawing a blank here. But one thing we can't do is build a freakin' car worth buying.

My Pops bought a brand new Pontiac[1] Bonneville back in the early 80's. It was a beauty: burgundy paint, burgundy vinyl top, burgundy crush velvet interior. It was also a beast. Everything that could conceivably go wrong with that boatsized piece of automotive crap did go wrong. The car left our family of 5 stalled in various grocery store parking lots more times than I'm ashamed enough to count. By the time my Dad finally ditched it, he'd probably spend more money on repairs that he had on the actual carnote itself. And I'd learned my lesson: buy a freakin' Honda!!!

The Big Three's problem, other than it's unreliable and boring cars are their antiquated labor agreements. Nobody should make $75/hr for screwing in a friggin' cupholder in a Chevy Corsica. That makes no sense. A robot could do the same job. It's not the gubb'ments job to subsidize a dying industry that refuses to adjust and retool with time. I apologize for any of my readers from the Motor City who are likely to be ass out if The Big Three go under, but this is life. You're not entitled to a job, just ask anyone who used to farm 70 years ago. Economies adjust, we are in the Information Age.

Besides, if you bailout the autoworkers, which antiquated struggling industry is next? Big Box retailers? Gentleman's magazines? MMA?

Kanye Pulls A T-Pain.

I've already got ahold of a copy of 808's & Heartbreaks and while I wasn't crazy about "Love Lockdown", this is a pretty good album. More pop music than his previous efforts, it's still pretty good despite it's excessive abuses of that dreaded auto-tune/vocoder effect.



I don't care too much for all the sangin' and complaining about his ex, but as usual the beats are slammin'. And let's face it, Kanyeezy is no Rakim. It's all about the beats, and this one delivers.

Pardon Me, Dude.

Before you read this section of the post, press play and listen this this song. It's by Median[2] and it's called "Pardon Me Dude". It has zero to do with this story, but the titles match and the song is bangin'. Cop the earphones!



Anyways, with Bush's final days in office approaching, the list of cats jockeying for a Presidential pardon is queuing up. Some familiar names like "Taliban Johnny" Walker Lindh and Scooter Libby (whose sentence has already been commuted) are putting their dibs in. One name that interests me in particular is disgraced Olympian Marion Jones.



If Bush is looking for his own Kemba Smith to try and paint some favorable revisionist history with Black America, Jones is about as sympathetic a character as there is. I happen to think she's already done the time for her crime, and let's face it, anyone who saw that going-away press conference knows she's sincerely sorry. Plus, she just happens to be the topic of my most slept-on personal story evar here at AB.com. If you've never read it, please do.

Let homegirl go! Give her free! Clear the record so she can go on with her life.

Pretty Woman 2008

So, the chick that Elliott Spitzer blew his career for is finally talking. The inevitable 20/20 interview with Diane Sawyer airs Friday.

The prostitute at the center of the scandal that brought down former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer says she's undergone "intense" psychotherapy since the events that generated national headlines - and feels especially bad for his wife.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre tells People magazine that the FBI informed her in early March that it was investigating one of her clients. A few days later, she found out which client when she recognized Spitzer on TV - resigning.

Dupre said she quit the escort business temporarily in April 2007 after falling in love with a wealthy married man. "It started to be scary. ... What if I got AIDS? Got killed?" After they broke up, she went to work at the Emperor's Club. It was during that period that she met Spitzer.

Dupre also sat down with Diane Sawyer for an ABC "20/20" segment to be aired Friday night. In that interview, she reveals how an "upper middle-class, girl next door got into the profession and the psychological journey she continues to experience."

Dupre, 23, envisions a future for herself in the worlds of music, fashion and "writing books" - but not prostitution. "Never again."

Of course, she's got a book coming out soon. It's entitled "A Blew The Governor And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt", due in stores just in time for Christmas.



Divine Brown is crying inside.

What. A. Country.

The Real Housewives Of Atlanta.

Ha ha! Ya'll ain't really think I'd watch that sorta nonsense, did ya? C'mon now.

Then again, The Shield is nearing it's series finale next week, and after last night's show, I'm expecting a doozy.



I'm also wondering what will be Tivo-worthy now that the best TV series EVAR is going off. Any suggestions?

Questions: Should Obama "take it to" Al Quaeda from Day One? Can Barry C.Y.I.N. and call Ayman al-Zawahri a racial slur just on GP? Do the Big Three deserve a bailout? Did your Pops drive a gas guzzling land-yatch too? Should Marion Jones be pardoned? Can you top my "brush with fame/blown celebrity hookup" story? What should AB watch now that The Shield is nearly over?

[1] Anyone from the South care to share with AverageNation™ what P.O.N.T.I.A.C. is an acronym for?

[2] And yeah, he did say "Bull City" for all my North Cack Peoples. Dude went to NCSU.