Friday, October 31, 2008

Somebody Needs To Pull An Ashley Todd On This Idiot.

What. A. Country.

That's all I can think about every time I see this smirking douchebag, Samuel Wurzelbacher on my TeeVee.

What a country we live in. Two weeks ago, this asshat was trying to scrap up enough money to get some hotwings and catch the Buckeyes game at his local watering hole.

Today, thanks to the magic of Fox News, the generosity of John McCain, and the amazing gullibility of roughly 50% of the nation, this idiot is lining up a run for Congress in 2010, has hired a publicist, and now, apparently is shopping his demo for a country music album.

I soooo couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried.

Move over, Sanjaya, and tell William Hung the news: Joe the Plumber is being pursued for a major record deal and could come out with a country album as early as Inauguration Day.

“Joe” — aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, a Holland, Ohio, pipe-and-toilet man — just signed with a Nashville public relations and management firm to handle interview requests and media appearances, as well as create new career opportunities, including a shift out of the plumbing trade into stage and studio performances.

On Tuesday, Wurzelbacher joined country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin to form a new partnership that includes booking-management firm Bobby Roberts and publicity-management concern The Press Office to field the multiple media offers he’s received over the past few weeks.

Among the requests: a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships. A longtime country music fan, Wurzelbacher can sing and “knocks around on guitar” but is not an accomplished musician or songwriter, according to The Press Office’s Jim Della Croce.

“He’s a complicated guy with a very dynamic personality,” Della Croce told Politico. “He can sing and obviously has a strong political point of view.”

The Press Office, a PR firm based in Nashville, Tenn., represents an eclectic array of other clients including country stars John Anderson and the Gatlin Brothers, quirky folk singer Leon Redbone, NASCAR driver Chase Mattioli and animal repellent firm Liquid Fence. The Bobby Roberts Company reps several of the same acts, in addition to Juice Newton, Merle Haggard and Jon Secada.
I suppose the real American in me should stop hatin' and congratulate. Joe didn't exactly ask for the initial publicity. He was allegedly just tossing a football back and forth with his kid in the front yard with Obama rolled up on the scene. When John McCain namedropped him 21 times like he was The Game or somethin' during that final debate, dude could have easily taken his ass to work the next morning and gone back to a life of obscurity.

[Editor's Note: How funny is it that the McCain campaign is still railing against Obama's "celebrity" when they're out paling around with a vacuous celeb they singlehandedly created themselves?]

Instead, he seized the day, held 4-5 press conferences in his driveway, and the next thing you know, he's an official campaign surrogate.

Sure, he doesn't know sh*t about sh*t when it comes to politricks, but for real for real, most politicians don't. Dude saw an opportunity and opened the door when it knocked.

Joe is so big now, he's even standing up PapaMac.[1] The nerve of this cat.

All things considered, this is sorta how the American Dream works, minus the whole hard work part.

Think about it: John McCain used the misfortune of getting his dumb ass shot down after crashing 5 planes being a PoW to marry into a rich family that could finance his Congressional campaign. Obama took a keynote address and turned it into a Presidency 4 years later. Palin's Tina Fey-look earned her a Veep appointment that she wasn't even remotely qualified for. Joe Biden? Uh, he ain't really all that lucky, so he sorta ruins my pattern. I mean, just look at them hair plugs.

Point being: luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Joe skipped the preparation part, which is evident to anyone who's heard him expound on his peabrained understanding of even rudimentary politricks. But just because I dislike the guy like I dislike a first round matchup with the Cleveland Cavs doesn't mean he doesn't have some redeeming qualities. Reality is, had I been in his situation, I would be pimpin' the game for as much as I could maximize my 15 minutes as well. I'd be on MSNBC with Tamron Manning the next morning. ESPN at noon. Wolf Blitzer at drive time. Whassup Terrance and Rocsi? Larry King for dinner. Heck, I might even enter The No Spin zone just for laughs.

"You mad. You mad."

Yes, like Joe, I too would pimp the game royally, then save my biggest coup for last.

Can you say AB The Washington Wizards' 15-Day Celebrity Contract Signee? I sure can.

Pimp the game, Joey. I ain't that mad at ya'.

Question: Is Joe The Plumber a pure douchebag, or do you somewhat admire his ability to pimp the game and maximize his opportunities?

Joe the Plumber pursued for record deal [Politico]

[1] Man, I watched this in real time, it was hilarious. Dude has already gone Hollywood. Look out Michael Chiklis. Joe is gunning for you!

** Thanks to LL for the links.

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