Friday, October 31, 2008

Caption This Photo.

Somebody Needs To Pull An Ashley Todd On This Idiot.

What. A. Country.

That's all I can think about every time I see this smirking douchebag, Samuel Wurzelbacher on my TeeVee.

What a country we live in. Two weeks ago, this asshat was trying to scrap up enough money to get some hotwings and catch the Buckeyes game at his local watering hole.

Today, thanks to the magic of Fox News, the generosity of John McCain, and the amazing gullibility of roughly 50% of the nation, this idiot is lining up a run for Congress in 2010, has hired a publicist, and now, apparently is shopping his demo for a country music album.

I soooo couldn't make this sh*t up if I tried.

Move over, Sanjaya, and tell William Hung the news: Joe the Plumber is being pursued for a major record deal and could come out with a country album as early as Inauguration Day.

“Joe” — aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, a Holland, Ohio, pipe-and-toilet man — just signed with a Nashville public relations and management firm to handle interview requests and media appearances, as well as create new career opportunities, including a shift out of the plumbing trade into stage and studio performances.

On Tuesday, Wurzelbacher joined country music artist and producer Aaron Tippin to form a new partnership that includes booking-management firm Bobby Roberts and publicity-management concern The Press Office to field the multiple media offers he’s received over the past few weeks.

Among the requests: a possible record deal with a major label, personal appearances and corporate sponsorships. A longtime country music fan, Wurzelbacher can sing and “knocks around on guitar” but is not an accomplished musician or songwriter, according to The Press Office’s Jim Della Croce.

“He’s a complicated guy with a very dynamic personality,” Della Croce told Politico. “He can sing and obviously has a strong political point of view.”

The Press Office, a PR firm based in Nashville, Tenn., represents an eclectic array of other clients including country stars John Anderson and the Gatlin Brothers, quirky folk singer Leon Redbone, NASCAR driver Chase Mattioli and animal repellent firm Liquid Fence. The Bobby Roberts Company reps several of the same acts, in addition to Juice Newton, Merle Haggard and Jon Secada.
I suppose the real American in me should stop hatin' and congratulate. Joe didn't exactly ask for the initial publicity. He was allegedly just tossing a football back and forth with his kid in the front yard with Obama rolled up on the scene. When John McCain namedropped him 21 times like he was The Game or somethin' during that final debate, dude could have easily taken his ass to work the next morning and gone back to a life of obscurity.

[Editor's Note: How funny is it that the McCain campaign is still railing against Obama's "celebrity" when they're out paling around with a vacuous celeb they singlehandedly created themselves?]

Instead, he seized the day, held 4-5 press conferences in his driveway, and the next thing you know, he's an official campaign surrogate.

Sure, he doesn't know sh*t about sh*t when it comes to politricks, but for real for real, most politicians don't. Dude saw an opportunity and opened the door when it knocked.

Joe is so big now, he's even standing up PapaMac.[1] The nerve of this cat.

All things considered, this is sorta how the American Dream works, minus the whole hard work part.

Think about it: John McCain used the misfortune of getting his dumb ass shot down after crashing 5 planes being a PoW to marry into a rich family that could finance his Congressional campaign. Obama took a keynote address and turned it into a Presidency 4 years later. Palin's Tina Fey-look earned her a Veep appointment that she wasn't even remotely qualified for. Joe Biden? Uh, he ain't really all that lucky, so he sorta ruins my pattern. I mean, just look at them hair plugs.

Point being: luck is when opportunity meets preparation. Joe skipped the preparation part, which is evident to anyone who's heard him expound on his peabrained understanding of even rudimentary politricks. But just because I dislike the guy like I dislike a first round matchup with the Cleveland Cavs doesn't mean he doesn't have some redeeming qualities. Reality is, had I been in his situation, I would be pimpin' the game for as much as I could maximize my 15 minutes as well. I'd be on MSNBC with Tamron Manning the next morning. ESPN at noon. Wolf Blitzer at drive time. Whassup Terrance and Rocsi? Larry King for dinner. Heck, I might even enter The No Spin zone just for laughs.

"You mad. You mad."

Yes, like Joe, I too would pimp the game royally, then save my biggest coup for last.

Can you say AB The Washington Wizards' 15-Day Celebrity Contract Signee? I sure can.

Pimp the game, Joey. I ain't that mad at ya'.

Question: Is Joe The Plumber a pure douchebag, or do you somewhat admire his ability to pimp the game and maximize his opportunities?

Joe the Plumber pursued for record deal [Politico]

[1] Man, I watched this in real time, it was hilarious. Dude has already gone Hollywood. Look out Michael Chiklis. Joe is gunning for you!

** Thanks to LL for the links.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Caption These Photos.

Animal Suffering? Legalized Pimpin'? Slots? The Other Stuff On Tuesday's Ballot.

With the past twentysome months of campaigning, it's easy to sometimes forget that there's an undercard to Obama vs Biden next Tuesday. In addition to choosing the next President, all across the country, special ballot measures are being weighed by voters.

In California, voters will deliberate over a ballot initiative that calls for certain farm animals to be allowed to "fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up and turn around" for the majority of the day. In South Carolina, voters will decide whether to raise the age of sexual consent for girls from 14 to 16. In Oregon, an initiative on the ballot calling for "merit-based" pay for teachers has ignited fury among educators who say it is unfair and illogical.

But the oddest of all is this story from (where else?) San Francisco.

I'm all for liberalism, but this kinda nonsense makes we wanna register Republican. Well, not really, but c'mon, decriminalizing prostitution is just stoopid. You're basically legalizing pimpin' and all it's associated societal woes. I know this is a budgetary issue, but what does it say about a city when it basically says "eff it" and throws in the towel? This isn't too far removed from that whole "Hamsterdam" thing that one season on The Wire. What's next? Decriminalizing murder? Sheesh.

"And legaliiiiiiiize that endo!" [1]

On a far more mundane note, here in Maryland, we've got two important issues to decide on. One is early voting, which when you think about it is rather ironic. While the rest of the country (32 states) opened early voting weeks ago, The Old Line State will allow us to decide whether to allow early voting in 2012. How timely guys. Needless to say, considering the milelong lines I'm likely to encounter at my polling place on November 4th, I'm all for this one.

Less definitive is my stance on a far more controversial topic: slots.

In November, Maryland voters will decide whether or not the General Assembly can authorize expanded forms of gambling. The authorization will be restricted to a maximum of 5 sites that collectively will have no more than 15,000 slot terminals.

Opponents argue crime, traffic and other woes would accompany the 15,000 slot machines that voters will be asked to authorize.

Proponents say teachers, labor unions and other groups will start knocking on doors, telling of the hundreds of millions in revenue that slots could generate for the state budget.
I'm leaning towards voting for the slot machines. None of the 5 proposed locations is even remotely close to where I live, so there's no NIMBY sentiment here. I'm not a serious gamer, but when I'm in Vegas or Atlantic City, I like playing slots and blackjack. I bet in small amounts, and I never gamble with money I don't have. So, basically, I see slots in my home state as a fun occasional diversion. I'm not naive enough to actually expect these things to help fund schools. Studies by enough other states have proven this fiscal impact negligible at best.

The flipside is that some say slots attract crime, create traffic gridlock, prey upon the poor and minorities, and in many cases lead to gaming as a habit.


I can buy the points about traffic, but the others ring hollow. If crime picks up around casinos, that's an issue for local police to settle. Just like building a stadium for sports teams could presumably lead to increased drunk driving, police presence will need to be ramped up to handle the new element. And the part about casinos leading to habit forming, c'mon. Do people blame liquor stores for alcoholism?

That said, although I'm leaning toward voting "yes" for slots, I'm interested in hearing differing opinions. Who knows, the right argument might sway my decision. Weigh in you-know-where.

Question: Do you think slots are a good idea for the state of Maryland? Does your state have slots? What are the pros and cons? Are the folks of San Fran stoopid or is it just me? Should prostitution be legalized? What about legaliiiiiizin' that endo while you're at it?

Maryland Slots Referendum FAQ [WashPost]

San Francisco debates prostitution [ITV]

[1] I'm shocked that nobody was to "name that tune" last week when I dropped this same hip-hop quotable. Here's a hint: the artist ain't too far removed from The Yay Area himself. Somebody please guess this one. I'm losing faith in ya'll.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Poll Position: Keith Olbermann Would Kick Bill O's Behind?!?

Earlier this week, I asked ya'll who would win a hypothetical back alley brawl between Fox News blowhard Bill O'Reilly, and MSNBC bloviator Keith Olbermann.

Needless to say, like most editions of Poll Position, I wholeheartedly disagree with the final result.

Seriously folks, 81% for Olbermann? What parallel universe do ya'll inhabit? Sometimes I wonder.

Come on. I asked you guys to take your personal dislike for O'Reilly out of the equation and size the two combatants up objectively. You make not like Bill O' (his mom prolly doesn't either), but come on, there is no comparison between the two when it comes to sheer gulliness.

Watch him darn near rip Barney Frank a new one. {pause}

Watch him eviscerate some poor production assistant.

Bill tries to "get at" Barry.

Bill O' vs Cam'ron & Dame Dash.

Bill and Geraldo damn near take it to the streets.

Sorry folks, there's just no comparison. Yes, Olbermann is far better educated. He's more articulate. He's funnier. He's more polished. He's more likable, even if only marginally so.

But he would get his a$$ handed to him if he met Bill O' in a dark alley. In case you haven't noticed, most of Olbermann's highlights come when he's taking on a teleprompter, not an actually live human being who begs to differ.

Sure, good stuff, and I agree with Keith 95% of the time, and Bill -95% of the time, but one guy's clearly got the upper hand when it comes to fisticuffs.

This Week's Poll is all about the upcoming Maryland Referendum on slot machines (see the post that follows). I'm leaning towards voting for them, but I figure I should solicit the opinions of AverageNation™ so I can make a more informed decision come Tuesday.

As usual, vote early and often.

Caption This Photo.

The Second Coolest Thing I've Seen In Awhile.

If you thought the little brother interviewing Joe Biden the other day was cool, check this out. I happen to like the fact that the kids haven't been programmed to choose any particular candidate, and are clearly intelligent and well-informed enough to make their own decision.

This is so cool, it almost makes up for the original song they're interpolating, that godawful ode to "it ain't trickin' if you got it", T.I.'s "Whatever You Like". Here's the full performance.

I read on some random site that the school should be ashamed of teaching the kids the lyrics of a convicted felon with a rap sheet longer than Manute Bol. Poppycock. These kids seem intelligent enough to me to know that it "is trickin', even if you got it". And besides, if these kids have parents willing to sacrifice enough to spend $14k/year to send them to the Ron Clark Academy, chances are those parents are enough of a presence in the kids lives to neutralize any potentially bad message. Plus, I learned my lesson last year. Involved parents are a bigger influence than some two-bit rappers, anyday.

Question: Do you wish they had schools this cool when you were in the 5th grade, or is it just me?

Ron Clark stresses passion for education [The Norman Transcript]

The Ron Clark Academy Official Website

Nazi Kidz For Obama: Take II?!?

Last week, I bought you the video of a bunch of black kids in Kansas City who were using the Obama Presidency for inspiration and personal motivation.

Naturally, this being America and whatnot, lots of people had problems with the paramilitary style imagery and some on the web and conservative radio have smeared these kids as Nazis and Black Panthers in training.

Any Negro with half a brain knows this is little more than discipline via rote memorization. It's also a pretty lousy knockoff of stepshows you'd see on any HBCU campus, black church, or community center for that matter. Doesn't matter, some still think Obama Psi Phi is racist, or worse.

I chalked this up to mainstream America's total and complete ignorance of even basic day to day black culture. Turns out I was maybe half-wrong. Witness this Caucasian Craziness from an affluent LA suburb.

I've since heard this song/video also lampooned and picked apart on The Laura Ingraham Show, FoxNews, and various other spots.

Well, that settles it. Any kid, black or white, who sings or chants about the Obama campaign is Marxist, socialist, Stalinist, and fill-in-your-own-ist. Just peep all the comments. This sh*t is racist!

Maybe it "Ain't A Black Thang". Seems like errybody "Understands".

I stand corrected, Spool. You win (as usual).

Question: Is it ever right to use kids to make a political statement? Think before you answer, that is indeed a loaded question.

Chicago Sun-Times Leaves Out Key Facts About Singing Obama Kids [NewsBusters]

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

AverageBro NewsBriefs - Some Random Stuff on My Mind Edition.

I've got my hands full with the baby today. So here's all the news that's fit to blog, but not worthy of it's own post. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Joe The Plumber Says "Death To Israel" - So, the GOP makes the mistake of putting this assclown on the stump, and what happens?

Yeah, he agrees with some wingut who says a vote for Obama is a vote for "death to Israel". Say it ain't so, Joe. Sounds more like "death to the McCain campaign" to me. Of course, he has no information to back this up. Props to Shepard Smith of Fox News for actually pressing this idiot on his moronic comment.

The Palin Effigy - This is just wrong. Let the record reflect that I think such acts of cowardice are hideous and uncalled for. The fact that the local authorities are defending this as "free speech" and allowing it to stay up make it ever worse. However, the thing that pisses me off is the assertion that if this were Obama, the story would be blown out of proportion. Not true at all. Nearly the exact same thing happened to Obama in Oregon a month or so ago. Did you hear about it?

Oh, how about the effigy in Ohio last week?

Prolly not.

Ashley Todd - I knew this chick was lying when I first heard about the story. I mean, come on, carving a backwards "B" in some chick's face because she's down with a losing ticket?

Negroes have been known to wild out, but I know Nigga Nonsense when I hear it, and that ain't it. Reality is, black folks don't care about politricks that damn much, despite the explosion of Obamania. Anyone with a shred of common sense would have done some homework. Of course, in the newfound spirit of victimology, this didn't stop the state GOP from running with the story and blasting it the moment it broke. Palin and McCain called with condolences. The whole house of cards collapsed the next day, and everyone gets egg on the face. Where's the apology?

Barry The Redistributionist - I knew the Palin/McCain campaign was suffering, but this week's tactic of branding Barry a socialist is just too pathetic to even get upset about. Reality is, we've been paying taxes to fund things like welfare programs, community centers, unemployment benefits, and yes, schools for years. People with more money by nature pay more taxes. This keeps things balanced out, it's not socialism, it's not an Obama creation, and it ain't new. Calling it "welfare" is obviously a subliminal racist dig to play to "Middle America". Bastards. Never mind the fact that McCain just voted in favor of $700M in corporate "welfare" last month. Then again, the yokels crying about redistribution of wealth are so mesmerized by their candidates of choice (both of whom made over $1M last year) and conservative chatters (who make even more) that they fail to realize their dumb asses will never make more than $250k/year and would actually pay less in taxes under Obama's plan. These people deserve to have their taxes raised.

The Assasination Plot - Boy, you hardly heard anything about this yesterday, but two idiots hatched a plot to murder Obama and 100 random black kids along the way. Zzzzzzzz.

Of course, had this been a bunch of Haitians planning to off Palin, well, can you say "Domestic Bush Doctrine"? I have lost official count of just how many such incidents have been snuffed out this year, but I sure as hell hope this doesn't stop some older Black folks from pulling that lever for Barry out of fear.

The Sad Spectacle That Is John McCain - I'm human, despite my appearances here sometimes. I can empathize with people I don't necessarily like, and I almost find myself feeling bad for John McCain at times. He has officially run the worst, more scattershot campaign in modern history, while his opponent has run the best. This Muslim approach to legislation (laugh now, figure it out later) isn't resonating. His Veep is compiling an audition tape for her next gig. His campaign manager couldn't run a Dairy Queen. And now, he's going to go down in history as the former PoW who lost an election to an effette, insufficient black man. Yeah, the guy is acting like a douche on the stump lately, but put yourself in his shoes. That sh*t has got to hurt.

Kwame In The Clink - So, Yaw's Boy is due to get sent to jail to begin his 4 month bid today. I am watching CNN, and they show this bama in court with his wife (inexplicably still) by his side. Kwame is sitting there cheesing, and yawning like he's watching a Pistons game. Could they tack on an additional 6 months for being an a-hole? Does anyone doubt that he'll run again in 5 years once his ban is lifted? Sorry Detroit, but this is why ya'll stay losin'. And I ain't even talkin' bout' The Lions either.

DL Hughley's CNN Show Sucks - Yeah, I went back on a promise and actually tuned in. The wife Tivo'd it, and I was a captive audience. Let's just say I hope Darryl Lynn keeps an updated resume, because I don't see that show making it past Thanksgiving.

Again, if you just gotta support a black man, peep BET's Somebodies. Tonight's the season finale.

World Series - I know the Rays had the best record, so they aren't technically the underdogs, but I'm rooting for them to come back and win in 7. Philly Phans are so phanatical and obnoxious. They don't deserve a title of any sort before the Nation's Capitol.

The Shield Is Coming To An End - The best TeeVee show nobody watches is winding to an end.

With The Wire already off the air, the era of Edgy Serial Cop Shows On Cable TeeVee is coming to a sad close. If you've never watched this show, you have no idea what you've missed. Don't bother tuning in now, you can't possibly catch up. Add one of the prior seasons to your Netflix queue and get it poppin'.

Question: Did you hear about the Obama effigy in Oregon? Were you suspicious of Ashley Todd? Is this "socialist" tag borderline pathetic, let alone stoopid? Is the assasination plot getting the coverage it deserves? Do you feel somewhat sorry for John McCain, all things considered? How long do you give DL's show? Do you want Tampa to come back? Do you watch The Shield? Is this a new world record for Questions to End A Single Post?

Is It Ever Okay To Hit A Girl?!?

[Editor's Note: The post title is obviously a rhetorical question meant to draw you in. does not in any way, shape, or form, advocate violence against women. So chill.]

When I was in primary school (prolly like the 2nd or 3rd grade), I almost got into a "fight" with this big Husky girl named Hammond. That was her family's last name, I never knew her first. I still recall the incident as clear as day. Something happened on the bus. Being the wiseass I am, I might could have said something or other smart about her, but regardless, when the bus stopped in front of my grandma's, Hammond was ready to rumble. The entire bus emptied out, and at least a couple dozen kids circled around, egging us on. Hell, even the busdriver got out to watch.

Hammond pranced around the circle, calling me all kinds of chickens and punks, fists flared, taunting, waiting for me to strike first. The other neighborhood chill'rens were saying "kick her butt, AB!", because they all hated her big bully behind too. She looked like an 8 year old version of The Lady Of Rage (sans the afro puffs), and she was not backin' down because I was a boy. In fact, I think this riled her up even more.

This was one of those "life in slow motion" moments for me. I'd always been told by both of my parents to defend myself and not get rolled on (my words, not theirs) when someone stepped to me. I had also been told that under no circumstances was I to evar lay hands on a woman out of anger. Real boys didn't do that.

As the mob intensified and Hammond approached me closer, I glanced at my grandma's house to find her standing by the storm door. I suddenly felt stoopid for even remotely entertaining the idea of whoopin' this young girl ass. I was raised better, and I knew it.

Despite the throngs of kids urging me to fight, I calmly turned and walked into the house. Hammond stayed at the sidewalk, steady poppin' shit, but eventually the other kids realized nothing was goin' down, and started to dissipate. The busdriver even got back on the bus and drove away. The whole fracas was over. The cooler head had prevailed.

When I walked in the door, the my grandma spoke to me and delivered a clear message.

"Next time you'll have to whoop her ass, you know."

My words, not hers.

I'm reminded of this story every time I watch Sarah Palin take yet another potshot at Obama. She's called him a terrorist. She's called him anti-American. I think she might have even called the dude Sambo the other day, but I was watching Fox News and you know how they like editing stuff.

Nonetheless, poor Barry can't say a thing back to the self-described pitbull in lipstick for the same reason I couldn't haul off and slap the barrettes out of Hammond's big juicy head. Because you can't hit a girl.

The Washington Post explored this dichotomy the other day.

From the moment Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin stepped onto the national stage as the Republican vice presidential nominee, she has been rhetorically body-slamming her Democratic opponents.

She has punched and jabbed and engaged in sarcastic -- and sometimes vicious -- trash talk. Whether one believes that her behavior is merely par for the course as a campaign comes down to the wire or that her opponents deserve the verbal pummeling or that she has demonstratively gone off the deep end, one thing is clear. Most observers seem to agree that the two men in the line of her fire -- Democrats Barack Obama and Joe Biden -- are not allowed to hit her back. Even in today's post-Hillary Clinton world of presidential politics, boys still aren't supposed to hit girls. Even if it's the girl who starts the fight.

The point is not to suggest that either Obama or Biden should come out swinging ugly slurs, half-truths or outright lies. But the conventional wisdom seems to be that the men on the Democratic ticket can't tell Palin precisely what they think of her moose, her hockey pucks and her Joe Six-Pack-isms. If a fella should try, he will be perceived as a bully, as condescending, as ungentlemanly.

As Palin smiles and winks and throws right hooks to the jaw, the men are worried about looking mean. It was no surprise that part of Biden's debate preparation included how to share the stage with a female opponent. How should he adjust his body language? What facial expressions should he avoid? The underlying theory? Don't get too butch and macho or little Miss Palin might burst into tears. Never mind that she had already likened herself to a breed of dog made famous for its willingness to lunge for the jugular and rip it out.
The rest of the article by Robin Givhan is well worth the read, and I'd encourage each of you to peep it.

You could argue that Obama has taken both the high, and politically expedient roads by mostly ignoring Palin. This tactic seems to work, since it's become clearer by the week that Palin is more than capable of ethering herself each time she opens her mouth without a cue card. Still, this just ain't fair. Not to me at least.

You're prolly wondering that happened between me and Hammond, right? Well, I more or less avoided her for the next couple of weeks. I knew I'd have little choice but to whoop that butt the next time we crossed paths, and figured the path of least resistance was best.

Strangely, after I avoided the fight and became elusive, Hammond somehow developed a puppy love crush on me. Then I had to avoid her to totally different, yet relatively more palatable reasons. Go figure. I didn't understand girls then, and I don't totally get women now.

For those of you born after 93' that missed the Lady Of Rage reference, here's her (only?) hit single, "Afro Puffs". I wonder if the grown up Hammond looks like that. {Shiver}

Question: Is it fair that women can attack men politically, but men can't return the fire? Could Hillary Clinton and other female Obama surrogates be doing more to shut Palin up, or is it best to simply ignore her?

Boxed Into a Corner, Men Can't Punch Back [WashPost]

Monday, October 27, 2008

Joe The Plumber Ain't The Only One Lining Up His Next Gig.

I mean, seriously folks, read between the lines here. Not that line, the other ones.

As sickening as the whole "GOP victim narrative" is, watching it explode in the past couple of weeks has been worse. First it was Poor Sarah, the Poor Joe, now Poor Elisabeth. I thought Republicans were supposed to be the strong ones. What the heck is up with all these pity parties? That's some ole punk a$$ liberal mumbojumbo, right Spool?

I know a Grand Hu$tle sympathy ploy when I see it. These bamas ain't foolin' me.

Question: Is Hasselbeck setting herself up for her own show, a soft landing when she gets fired from The View, or something bigger like a political office?

Rappin' Abe's $5 Footlongs?!? Racist Or Just Lame?

Okay, I know the economy is bad, which means people aren't eating out nearly as much. This means people are cooking at home more often than they're getting their dinner through a window, which I suppose is a good thing, especially if you live in South Central Los Angeles. Naturally, fast food outlets are feeling the pinch. McDonald's is still mulling over the idea of scrapping the $1 Double Cheeseburger cause the cheese costs too much. And now, out of desperation, Subway (home of Jared) is trying to go "viral" to get you to buy one of their delicious $5 footlongs. Something tells me this lil' campaign ain't gonna cut it.

Words and description courtesy of AOL BlackVoices.

Subway, yes the sandwich chain, brings us the newest misfire in big company viral marketing efforts by basing its latest sandwich promotion on derogatory stereotypes of urban street culture.

I was perplexed, but not offended, by the image on Subway's Web page of Abraham Lincoln sporting aviator sunglasses, dollar-sign bling and a giant diamond earring. Most astonishing is Lincoln's headband with the words "Home of da $5 footlong" emblazoned upon it. ...

Then Abe says "Five dollar foot longs everyday. Now that's something to holla about." That part sure is annoying, but not really offensive to me.

But then, Subway introduces a voice message example. Here is where the most trouble starts. You see the message reads like this:

"Sup boo! I'm 'bout to destroy a $5 footlong @ Subway. Meet me there directly and bring ur A game."

You are instructed to "pick yo text" and to "chooz ur crew."

Or to send an email you are instructed "yo you gotta pick your greetz, son."

I did chuckle at the image of Ol' Honest Abe all "tricked out." But, that is part of the problem. In my opinion the text is so bad and insulting because some in a very narrow demographic may not get that the joke is on him or her.

Think of the highly paid, extremely well-educated advertising executives who created this ad campaign. I have no idea of their race, and it does not matter. What I know is that these executives enjoy class privileges that those being made fun of in this ad have no access to.

That dynamic makes this ad insulting and not okay in my book.
Okay, I'll keep it 100 here, this ad isn't racist. It's a silly way of trying to use hip hop to sell a relatively mundane product (a freakin' whitebread sammich with mayo) to a younger audience. It's no different than that old 80's commercial where Tony Randall was rappin' about Ritz Crackers.[1] That doesn't make it racist, it just makes it incredibly lame.

Besides, Footlong Abe ain't got sh*t on RapCat.

Meow! Meow! Meow! That jawn was hot. But why does the dude who guest rapped look like BeetleJuice from The Howard Stern Show?!? I'm just sayin'.

If you want a racist ad, how about that coon Tony Sinclair and those Tangueray spots? Or that big boosomed woman on the PineSol ads? That sexually stereotypical Korean Airlines jawn. Or any Palin/McCain campaign piece. Or this.

I'm just sayin'.

So leave FootLong Abe alone before ya'll f*ck it up for all of us and Subway pulls this promotion on GP. I need my $5 Chicken Pizziola.

Question: Is the Footlong Abe ad racist or are Negroes merely being a tad bit too Ralph Tresvant-y?

Subway Fresh Buzz Website [Hear Rappin' Footlong Abe here]

Holla If This $5-Footlong Ad is a Racist Dis [AOL BlackVoices]

[1] Please tell me ya'll remember that one. Just awful. Felix and Oscar were cryin' inside.

* Thanks to ANewP for passing this along.

Poll Position: O'Reilly Vs Olbermann!!!

I'll admit, I'm a bit surprised that the news of Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama barely lasted an entire news cycle. Apparently the GOP had already convened and figured out their plan of attack. Make it a race thang!

You guys sniffed this out yourselves. I don't have anything more to add.

This Week's Poll isn't going to make much sense unless you know a bit about the history between Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly. Here's a video primer for the uninitiated.

Bill O' is heated about the MSNBC's recent Nielsen gains, and blames the NYTimes (?!?) for liberal bias. I don't think he ever actually mentions Olbermann by name, but we get the gist.

Olbermann strikes back, in his usual smarmy, smartest-guy-in-the-class manner.

While it's very interesting watching white guys snipe at each other on-air, I wonder which of these guys could take the other out in a back alley brawl. Are these just a couple of studio gangstas, or would they take it to the streets if the opportunity arose?

The Tale Of The Tape

Olbermann - Seems to have a bit of heft on Bill O'. He's covered sports in the past, so maybe some of the gulliness of the NFL teams he's been around rubbed off. His Cornell education might give him the tactical edge in technique. Banned from ESPN Corporate offices for life. Native New Yorker, but no NY swagger. Lower ratings inferiority complex could be motivating factor. German.

Bill O' - Has the height advantage, and all things considered, just generally seems more brolic to me. Maybe it's the New York swagger. Maybe it's the extreme d-baggishness. Perhaps it's the way he shouts down every guest, even those who agree with him. Makes $10M a year, which definitely can lead to overconfidence and inflated sense of self-worth. Irish.

My Prediction - Despite the early lead you guys have spotted the MSNBC stalwart, Bill O' would kick Olbermann's ass royally in real life, just as he does in the ratings. If you're wondering, I like Olbermann far more, but take who you like out of the equation for a moment when you vote.

As usual, vote early and often.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

What's On AB's iPod?: The Obama Mixtape.

I don't like recommending stuff that I haven't thoroughly listened to myself first. I'm also just naturally skeptical of anything with the name Russell Simmons attached. Still, this one came across my desk the other day and I figured I'd pass it on since it's free.

And besides, for a free promo mixtape, that cover art is freakin' awesome.

There's a boatload of prObama hip hop joints up here, some I've heard before, some clearly cobbled together for promo reasons, but hey, once again, it's free-99. You can't beat that price. Just download it already, sheez.

The Green Lantern Obam Yes We Can Mixtape [2DopeBoyz]

Terry Tate Is Back!!!

Watch the whole thing or you'll miss it.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Plumber Turned Congressman?!? Say It Ain't So, Joe!!!

Just when I thought this d-bag's 15 minutes were up...

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher or Joe the Plumber, who shot into the limelight for questioning Barack Obamas tax policies during a rally in Ohio, has said that he would like to run for Congress.

Joe the Plumber may consider running for Congress in 2010, FOX News reported.

Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher told Laura Ingraham, in an appearance on her show Friday, hed consider it.

Wurzelbacher would be challenging longtime Republican Marcy Kaptur.

"I'll tell you what, wed definitely be in one heck of a fight", Wurzelbacher said.

"But, you know, I'd be up for it, he added."
I guess in the grand scheme of things, this isn't as asinine as it sounds. After all, ex-athletes, actors, and comedians have all made successful runs for office.

But something about this guy still doesn't rub me the right way. I guess it's the complete lack of honesty, deficit in common sense, and brazen cockiness of how he comes across in interviews. Did this moron even finish high school? He ain't even a licensed plumber. And to anyone who says "it doesn't matter if he's licensed or not", would you hire an unlicensed contractor to remodel your home? Buy life insurance from a guy unauthorized to sell it? Let your cousin handle your divorce proceedings because he's watched a lot of Judge Toler? Of course not.

So why in the ham sammich would citizens of Ohio elect a guy whose sole claim to fame isn't even legit?
The guy isn't a licensed contractor.

His "company" has two employees. He's one of them.

The "company" made only $100,000 last year before taxes.

Joe only bought home $40,000.

In no parallel universe could Joe be approved for a loan for a hypothetical business that makes $250,000/year, when he only makes $40k.

Joe is basically a damn liar.
But don't tell the Palin/McCain campaign. He's their meal ticket. Too bad the meal is bread and water.

Could Joe actually stretch his 15 minutes another 2 years? I suppose Impossible is Nothing. Stranger things have happened. But just like Sarah Palin, Nancy Pfotenhour, Alex Castellanos, Ricky Davis, Ashley Todd, and the other cast of deplorable characters the GOP has brought us this year, I'm hoping Joe The Unlicensed Plumber is little more than the answer to a trivia question come November 5th.

Question: How stoopid is the whole thought of Joe The Congressman?

Now, Joe the Plumber wants to be a Congressman! [ANI]

Joe In 2010 [Official Campaign Website]

The Worst John McCain Impersonation Evar!!!

MadTV should really just hang it up. Yes, SNL still sucks, despite the whole Palin/Fey brouhaha. But MadTV has regressed bigtime, and Bobby Lee's McCain impersonation borders on pathetically amateur.

This Is Just Great.

Not Joe Biden, the kid, of course.

Friday, October 24, 2008

AB Meets Obama... Sorta.

One perk of being momentarily unemployed is the occasional freedom to do stuff that people with Day Jobs simply can't. So the other day, my good friend and sporadic commenter ANewP calls me about this Obama rally in scenic Leesburg, Virginia. Despite all the time I've logged volunteering for the campaign, as well as blogging in support here, I've yet to actually go to a rally. This is mainly because I live in a state that's a foregone conclusion. Maryland is solidly blue, thus neither candidate even bothers pandering in The Old Line State.

Anyways, my boy tells me about the rally, I get an afternoon furlough clearance from AverageSis, and we're on our way.

Here's some random observations from my experience, in no particular order.

Big Crowd? - The crowd at Ida Lee Park in Leesburg was estimated at 35,000 by local authorities. We were pretty close to the stage the entire time, and I don't doubt that the park had the capacity to hold such a sizable crowd, but I seriously doubt there were 35,000 people there. I don't work for the US Park Service, so I'm clearly no expert, but I guesstimated the crowd was half that at best. Was it packed? Yes? Was it more packed than the homecoming game at my Negro College HBCU? Not even close. Again, the number given was by the state of VA, not the campaign, but I wonder if inflating crowd sizes is something that's routinely done just for the sake of exaggerated importance. I'm just sayin'. If you know, do fill me in.

Hustlin' - In case you didn't know, Obama is the new bootleg DVD. Which is to say that Obama gear (shirts, hats, buttons, posters) is the new item of choice for barbershop and card table on the corner of Minnesota and Burroughs Ave vendors. I'm used to seeing these dudes at the barbershop, or when I'm around the way in Soufeas DC at my mother in law's crib. Apparently, the hustlers all carpooled out to the country, cause you couldn't walk 10 steps without someone (including LOTS of white folks, that's a new one for me) trying to hawk something.

The oddest item of all: a brown "I {heart} Black People: Obama 08'" button being sold by some slacker/stoner. I still don't really know how to react to that one.

Security - This one was a shocker. There were LOTS of people there, and those in the main area around the stage (about half the overall crowd) had to go through a security check. This meant opening any bags and allowing the cops to inspect any electronic devices. We then went through airport style metal detectors. But honestly, that was about the extent of it. Bear in mind that Ida Lee Park is more or less a huge, sprawling, rural cow pasture with plenty of open land surrounding the area where the stage was. Secret Service was in full effect around the perimeter, and I'm sure there was an undercover presence in the crowd. But my overall impression was that security could have been far tighter, given the nature of the event.

Diversity - Leesburg is in Loudoun County, which is a mere hop and skip from DC. The crowd looked like more of a DC audience than one from horse country. The areas we drove through to get to the event were pockmarked with McCain/Palin yard signs, but the event itself looked like any other you'd see on 7th Street on a typical weekend. 2/3 white, 1/3 black, with lots of other ethnicities mixed in for good measure. Lots of young folks. Boatloads of yuppies. Plenty of black professionals. Everyone was very polite, friendly, and over-the-top enthusiastic. There was little Anti-McCain/Palin sentiment. People just generally seem to ignore them. It's hard to imagine a GOP event pulling this sort of crowd. Unfortunately, the campaign music wasn't nearly as interesting. A mix of folk music (?), country and western tunes (think Lee Greenwood), and the occasional Motown hit seemed to contradict the "hip and young" image the campaign is trying to project. And worse, the same 8 songs kept repeating over and over. Folks were audibly groaning the 4th time "Livin' In America" blared over the speakers. Thank God for iPods. Update yours, Barry. Please.

The Warmup Acts - We arrived at the park about 2 hours before the posted 5:30 start time. As expected, the under card was full of Commonwealth politicians trying to ride the coattails of The Magic Negro into office. There was some Congresswoman who bored me to tears. A couple of youthful campaign staffers tried (unsuccessfully) to rev the crowd into a frenzy, but with temps hovering in the low 50's, people were not goin' for that "Yes We Can" mumbojumbo. Finally, ex-Governor and current Senatorial candidate Mark Warner took the stage and gave everyone an extra strength dose of ZZZZZ. I see why dude dropped his run for the White House. He makes John McCain look like P. Diddy. Warner then introduced current Governor Tim Kaine, who was once a serious contender for Barack's Veep slot. In retrospect, Barry made the right choice. While he's charming and very funny, Kaine just seems to lack the gravitas and experience to run the free world right now. Sarah Palin looks seasoned by comparison.

Black Jesus Arrives! - At long last, Kaine introduces Obama, who pops up side stage and the energy in the crowd immediately peaks. Beside a couple of losers like the VA Governors, Barry absolutely screams "Presidential!". He grabs their hands, raises their arms, and does that cheesy "we're all champions" made-for-photo-op gesture that seemingly every politician in the word can't escape, despite how cliched.

He then gladhands the dozens of very carefully selected supporters sitting in the risers behind him. He gleefully points and smiles to folks in the audience, before motioning for the frenzied crowd to calm down so he can get down to speakin'. Give it to dude, he definitely has the "politician" part of the gig down, beyond reproach.

More Substance, Less Style - You never really know what to expect at a political rally, since the nature of the speech could be a simple rah-rah act or a full blown policy statement. I expected a short pep rally, given the fact that Obama had convened a pretty hefty symposium on national security earlier in the day. And while I'm smart enough to know that earlier reports of fanatics passing out and fainting at Obama rallies was probably an exaggeration, I still expected more rhetorical style that actual takeaways. Wrong.

Dude took the time to very clearly articulate his policies on taxes, national security, the economy, and education, but managed to do so in a manner that didn't put you to sleep. He didn't bash his opponents, scarcely mentioned McCain, and didn't utter the word "Palin" a single time. The crowd was more attentive than enthusiastic. I'm not saying there aren't crowds that are fanatical and dripping at his every word, but this clearly wasn't the one. Applause was polite, but not over the top. Few spontaneous cheers broke out. Maybe this has more to do with the demographics of the area, but it seemed like people were more interested in learning that simply cheering soundbytes, and dude delivered on all accounts.

Synopsis - ANewP and I conferred on the way home. Watching Obama in person, it's easy to see why so many people are enraptured by him. Dude, simply put, is good. He's great with crowds, didn't butcher his teleprompter, can outline his stances clearly, and has the right temperament. Namely, he doesn't attack. He can simply state his views, his opponents views, and let you make your own decision. And yes, he looks presidential on the stump. I don't even know what that means, since I haven't even seen another sitting President in person, but I know what it looks like when I see it, and Barry has "it".

Given his 10 point lead in the latest polls, it's difficult to imagine Obama losing The Commonwealth Of Virginia. As a matter of fact, it seems now that with less than 2 weeks to go, the only real way for Obama to lose period, is if voter turnout ends up lower than expected.

11 Days and counting. We shall see.

Question - Have you been to an Obama (or McCain) event this season? What were your general impressions?

Candidate meets voters in Leesburg [The Winchester Star]

35,000 Turn Out for Obama Rally in Leesburg, Virginia [WJLA]

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Peep The BET Hip Hop Awards Live Blog.

We diiiiid it. AverageSis and AverageOlderBro rode shotgun for both hours of the very short and surprisingly well put together show. The show will obviously be re-aired about 234 times before the weekend is over, so you can watch and re-live the whole thing here at

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: The PreShow!

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: Hour One

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: Hour Two

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: Hour Two.


AB - This show got a lot better. I was about to pull the plug on this whole thing after the first 30 minutes. This is only 2 hours.

AOB - Smooth show. No bad performances so far.

AB - No great ones either.

{ The cipher segment returns. }

AB - The rooftop cypher at the last awards was better. Clearly these dudes ain't freestyling.

AS - Hot.

AB - Who's this asian chick? First the somali cat, now her.

AS - Yeah.

AB - This Blaq Poet cat is hot.

AS - That's Peter Gunz kid. Corey Gunz.

AB - Big deal. That's like sayin' "hey, that's Pete Myers' son". Just as unimpressive.

AS - Stop hatin'.

AB - Yeah, he could flow.

{ T-Pain comes out with some prop to make a joke about a vocoder. It falls flat. }

AB - He's pretty good at this.

{ Common and N.E.R.D. come onstage. }

AB - Remember when Common was still interesting?

{ Everyone else is bored to death. }

AS - Wake me up when it's over. This is like Planet Rock.

{ AOB gets up and starts pop lockin'. }

AB - Go! Go! Go! Go!

{ The "Notorious" trailer plays. }

AB - I'm there opening night.

AOB - Me too.

AS - Who's babysitting?


{ The obligatory Russell Simmons tribute begins. }

{ crickets }

AS - Another Obama shirt.

AB - Bold Prediction. Obama is making a surprise appearance before this is over.

{ T-Pain performs. }

AOB - This dude is caked up.

AB - He's responsible for 75% of the hit songs out now.

AS - He's actually talented though.

AB - Agree. You could blame the vocoder, but you gotta have some talent to come up with this stuff.

{ Lil' Wayne comes out. }

AB - Dwarf #11.

AS - This song is lame, but it's still knockin' for some reason.

AB - I thought this was The Dream at first.

{ Wayne and T-Pain are joined by some woman on stilts, joining the contortionists on stage already. }

AB - The UniverSoul Negro Circus.

{ Lil' Wayne launches into some weak freestyle. }

AS - Did he say I wanna **** Sarah Palin?

AB - McCain old man joke. This will be on The O'Reilly Factor tomorrow.

AOB - Didn't these fools learn from Ludacris?

AB - Obama is somewhere crying.

{ After a middling Ice Cube performance, Ciara comes out to present The MVP Award. }

AB - Lil Wayne winning.

AS - Kanye.

AB - He ain't there. Wayne is winning.

{ Lil' Wayne wins, and comes onstage with a styrofoam cup full of lean, followed by about 30 dudes, one of whom looks like he might be his pastor. }

AB - Did he just say "I got a son droppin' any day"?

AOB - Wow.

{ Another cipher. }

AB - This ain't no cipher. How can you freestyle in a cipher with lines you already recorded on your album?

AOB - The Sarah Palin line was sick.

AB - Fabolous just aired these dudes out.

AOB - Jadakiss was good too.

{ T-Pain sends the 903rd Obama shout out of the night. }

AB - Leave Barack Alone!!!

AOB - T-Pain was a decent host.

AS - He wasn't bad at all.

{ Bow Wow and Soulja Boy close the show. No Obama I guess. }

AS - He stole that glow in the dark suit from Chris Brown.

AB - I thought Snap Music was toast.

AOB - Free Bart? Who's Bart?

{ AOB does his best Soulja Boy! }

AS - You know this song?

AOB - Nah.

{ The show abruptly ends. Kids need to be put to bed. Holla!}

Question - What did you think of the BET Hip Hop Awards? Do all these Obama shout outs and foul mentions of Palin help Barack or is he somewhere crying in his cereal at this Negro Nonsense?

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: Hour One


AverageOlderBro (AOB) Is Here Now.

AOB - TI and Luda on the same stage?

AB - This is like MLK and Malcolm. Ghetto style.

AOB - Right. That was pretty hot.

AB - Katt Williams was supposed to be the host. Somethin or other happened. We get stuck with T-Pain. This is like replacing Jordan with Pete Myers.

AOB - T-Pain made half these bamas careers.

AB - Comparing himself to Whoopi Goldberg? Classic! First Obama shout out.

AOB - He's actually pretty good.

AB - He's funny. Who wrote this monologue?

AOB - He was funny.

AB - Why is 50 Cent dressed like a hedge fund manager? Is this what's hot in the streets now?

AOB - Kerry Washington is tall.

AB - It this turning into an Obama rally? I just went to one yesterday. Don't need to see another.

{Lil' Wayne wins first of likely dozens of awards. No kids in tow. Must not be his weekend. He is already very high though.}

AOB - Jadakiss got a job? He's hosting?

AB - Keep gettin' money.

{Nas comes out to perform "Hero" flanked by some sorta God's Property crew of backup dancers/singers.}

AB - Is this Nas or Kirk Franklin? This sh*t is wack.

AOB - Classic performance, but he needed to put more in his props.

AB - Wack.

{Wu-Tang Clan comes out to introduce an award.}

AOB - Retire, please.

AB - Too old to be rappin'.

AB - Speakin' of Kirk Franklin... Plies!!!!

AverageSis - Where's the set? Everything is so generic.

AB - Plies has two college degrees?

AOB - That's David Banner. But Plies did graduate. He's the most intelligent rapper you'll ever hear in an interview.

AB - That n*gga is actually articulate.

AOB - Rick Ross is a joke. This show is lame. Watching rappers perform to a prerecorded track is a waste of time. Does Rick Ross have a college degree too?

AB - I don't think so.

AOB - Nelly needs to retire too.

AS - This Avery Storm dude can't sing a lick.

AB - Somebody get that vocoder.


{ Young Jeezy comes out dressed like Barack Obama and starts rapping behind a podium.}

AOB - He stole Nas' idea.

AB - And his budget.

{ Some black clad dancers emerge from the crowd. }

AS - They supposed to be Black Panthers? I like this.

AOB - This is the best performance so far. This is some Public Enemy stuff.

AB - SW-1's.

AS - The opera chick is over the top. I like it.

AB - Steppin' Black Panthers.

AOB - Hot.

AB - Hot.

AS - Hot.

{ Shawty Lo wins some random award. }

AB - Dwarf #10.

AOB - He is called Shawty Lo for a reason.

AS - Ludacris looks like he works at IBM. What's with the image makeover?


{ The "tribute to ladies of hip hop" segment begins with MC Lyte.}

AB - "Cha Cha Cha!"

AS - Lyte still looks good.

AOB - Yo Yo looks like a hooker.

AS - She needs some spanks.

AB - What's with the hoochie dancing? She is 40! She looks like my aunt.

AS - The Lady Of Rage is still wearing afro puffs?

AOB - Time flies.

AS - She still looks the same.

AB - Salt -n- Pepa!!!

AS - This the' joint!

AOB - They are legends.

AS - Pepa kept the weight off. They look good.

AB - Damn, another Obama tribute. Push it! won't about no damn voter registration.

AS - We know what Push It! means. We got 2 kids.

AB - Indeed. Damn, enough of the Obama shout outs. We get it already.

AS - White folks are gonna be scared off by this.

AOB - White folks ain't watchin' this.

AS - They stayed in good shape.

AB - So now "What A Man" is a prObama song? Please.

AOB - Dang, Spinderella got big as a house.

AB - She is bigger than Rage.

AS - That was hot.

AOB - Not bad.

AB - Not bad at all.

AverageBro & Fam Live Blog The BET Awards: The PreShow!

After much confusion and some domain name trickery, the liveblog is on. I'll post comments every 10-15 minutes, which means you'll be a bit behind, but hey, a minor delay is better than nothing. Leave your comments you know where.

7:15 - Waiting for my brothers to arrive. AverageSis is sitting this one out. 2 kids will do that to you.

Tuning in to 106th and Park just further enforces how old I'm getting. I know TI is doing some good things with registering voters in ATL, but let's keep it one hunned: the dude prolly cannot vote. I get the whole "key demo" thing and whatnot, but why not pull in Hill Harper or somebody? Sheez.

I still don't care for this Kanye "Love Lockdown" song. I'm sure ya'll will beg to differ. This video is sorta interesting though. Blurred out models? Hmmm. I guess Uncut style stuff is ok as long as there's some "artistic intent". BET needs to step up their game and broadcast in HD. Watching non-HD is like seeing a dude walking around with a boombox.

7:25 - Ciara is trying to darned hard. It didn't take a genius to tell "1-2 Step" and "Goodies" made her a 2 hit wonder. All these scantily clad videos are fun to watch, but they smell of desperation.

Awww snap, a new Brandy video? This video is #1, but I've never heard of it, which says more about me than Brandy's career. This sounds like one of those songs you hear when you get to the club too early. Zzzzzz.

7:30something - Zzzzzz. Watching a "red carpet" show that was taped a week ago and very poorly edited is an exercise in futility. Plus, I've got a crying baby on my lap. Unless something even remotely interesting happens, I might sit this out until the real show starts at 8. Zzzzzz.

7:45 - I know they say everyone on TV is short, but dang. TI and Outkast's Big Boi look like Dwarves #8 and #9. Hi Ho!

It's Back On!!! & Fam ARE Live Blogging The BET Hip Hop Awards Tonight!

Sorry for the confusion. The Fam's on the way. We're bloggin'. Join us in about 20 minutes!!!

Last time was so much fun, we decided to do it again. That's right party people, AB, AverageOldestBro, and AverageMiddleBro will be liveblogging tonight's BET Hip Hip Awards right here tonight.

We'll get started around 7:30 or so, so tune in to and catch the show with us!!!

Obama FoodStamps? Man, Would November 4th Hurry Up And Get Here Already?!?

If I see one more of these between now and then, I might just go ahead and look into Canadian citizenship. Seriously.

A local Republican group has distributed a newsletter picturing Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama on a fake $10 bill adorned with a watermelon, ribs and a bucket of fried chicken.

The drawing harked back to racist images from decades ago in America that featured caricatures of blacks eating watermelon and other Southern foods, often suggesting they were lazy or unclean.

Linking Obama, who is the first black presidential nominee of a major US political party, to such stereotypes drew denunciations from various Republican officials.

The illustration appeared in the October newsletter of the Chaffey Community Republican Women, Federated, the Riverside (CA) Press-Enterprise newspaper reported today.

Diane Fedele, president of the group in San Bernardino County, near Los Angeles, said she had no racist intent.

"I never connected," she told the newspaper.

"It was just food to me. It didn't mean anything else."

She apologised to anyone who was offended, saying: "That clearly wasn't my attempt."
Diane Fedele needs her ass whipped. Out of all the foods she could have chosen (arugula for example), she just so happened to choose Red Kool Aid, watermelon, and ribs. While that makes for a tasty, albeit nutritionally unbalanced dinner, there's no way in hell this chick just happened to pick those images out of a hat. And moreso than anything else, that's what pisses me off about this story and the 10,000 others just like it that we've seen this year alone.

Folks can just throw dumb stuff out there, and when people predictably get mad, they can just play the whole Culturally Ignorant Card and say "I'm sorry, I ain't mean it. My weedman is Black. I love Condi! GGGGG-Uniiiit!!!"

Bump that.

Seriously, I hope Diane's driver's license magically expires, she gets pulled over for a broken taillight, and ends up in the cell with some big buff chick named LaQuita. We'll see how much "it never connected" when Quita gets to whoppin' on that head after she declines to share her cornbread.

Seriously, how can people smart enough to be knowledgeable of racial stereotypes[1] be dumb enough to think others won't be offended when they use them? Somebody already coined the phrase Smart-Dumb Negroes™.

I might just need to get my trademark on.

Some wonder why Black folks always seem to be so consumed with race when all that energy would be better used on yoga, lawn work, or NBA 2K9. Believe me, I'd love to not have to think about this kinda sh*t too, but somehow, in America at least, it always seems to just find you. You can run, but you sho' can't hide.

And you wonder why Negroes ain't down with G.O.P.

"Oh no, not meeee!!!!"[2]

Hold onto your cornbread Diane.

Question: Should Diane be forced to give up her cornbread, or did she really do this without any intention of offending others?

Republican newsletter uses racist stereotype to depict Obama [LiveNews]

[1] Yeah, I know. LaQuita. Pot, meet kettle.

[2] Name that tune. This has to be the easiest one evar.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What Would You Do? - The YouTube Phenomenon.

I've only been emailed this video about 48,993 times in the past week alone. Judging by the YouTube numbers (500k+ viewers and counting), I'm not the only one.

Anyways, here's some girl who goes by the name "Scarlett", taking an unfortunate, and possibly orchestrated, tumble that has the internet goin' nuts.

Here's the full 5 minute video just in case you like watching paint dry.

I've always been somewhat of a private dude, so maybe I'm just going to naturally miss out on the whole YouTube/viral video phenomenon. Except for that blurb over on the NPR site, there's nothing on the internet that would make me personally identifiable. This is purely intentional. I work for an employer that actively scours the web for information about potential job candidates. They look at FaceBook, MySpace, Flickr, and of course YouTube. People are certainly entitled to having their own lives and the right to self-expression, but an employer also has the right to refuse a job if they find something out there that's questionable.

Sometimes, I wonder if people like "Scarlett" even think about this before they film themselves doing dumb stuff that leaves a permanent electronic trail. 15 years from now, when Latarian is trying to get a job at Walmart (for the hotwing discount of course), I'm sure some 3rd shift manager is going to remember his real-life Grand Theft Auto excursion and subsequent trip to Hot97. That 1/4 page resume is headed straight for the toilet, Skinny Black style.

Then again, most of the folks on YouTube doin' dumb stuff are young, and we know how young folks have zero concept of longterm ramifications. Chances are, if I was back at my Negro College HBCU with today's technology, I might could do something hella ignant and throw it on DailyMotion too. So maybe I shouldn't be so judgemental.

Still, I just wish some of these folks would think first and record later.

Question: Have YOU been in a viral video YOU'd care to share with the rest of us? What do YOU think of the whole "viral video" craze? Do you think people film first and think later about the real-world ramifications? Is this all about attention or just a sign of the times?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Obama Ekes Out The Tween' Vote. Fox News Calls Victory For McCain.

Joining the ranks of the voluntarily unemployed for the past couple of weeks has opened my eyes to a whole new America. After I drop AverageToddler off at daycare, I come home and AverageSis and AverageNewBaby are usually asleep most of the day. Thus, I am managing to catch up on some daytime TV, and boy, does daytime TV make me wanna go back to work before my paternity leave ends.[1]

That said, I usually watch a crapload of The SciFi Channel, which has easily replaced WifeTime Movie Network as my favorite basic cable channel. Cheesy, straight to DVD movies of various critters (evil snakes, bears, gators, even friggin' crickets) terrorizing small towners beats "kill my husband" melodrama any day. Plus, SciFi is in Hi Def, which is pretty much the trump card. I could watch paint dry on a 50 inch HD set. I might even Tivo it.

Anyways, I was browsing past Fox News (also now in HD!) a few minutes ago, and America's Favorite Faux Financial Expert, Neil Cavuto, tried his best to spin the story that follows as some indication of John McCain's improving chances on November 4th.

[Editor's Note: Yes, I watch Fox News too. Regularly. And I watch for the same reason I listen to Conservative radio: it's mindlessly entertaining. No, it's not credible news, but it does let you know how some people think. No wonder a majority of Fox News viewers are liberals.]

And no, I swear to bejesus I'm not makin' this up. I couldn't make this up. When the video is posted (and trust me, it will be) I'll throw it up.

Senator Barack Obama has been declared the winner of Nickelodeon's 2008 Kids Pick the President "Kids' Vote". A record-breaking number of votes -- upwards of 2.2 million -- were cast in the network's online poll. Nickelodeon has held a "Kids' Vote" every election year since 1988, and kids have correctly predicted the winner in four out of the last five U.S. presidential campaigns.

In this election year's Kids Pick the President "Kids' Vote", Senator Obama received 51% of the vote (1,167,087), and Senator McCain received 49% (1,129,945). The Nickelodeon Kids Pick the President "Kids' Vote" is not a scientific poll. Kids were able to vote online on, via Nick's mobile website, or in Nicktropolis, Nickelodeon's virtual world destination, from Oct. 12-20.

"Nickelodeon has a long history of empowering kids and providing them with an opportunity to voice their opinions," said Cyma Zarghami, President, Nickelodeon Kids and Family Group. "The Kids Pick the President campaign has introduced them to the voting process, and hopefully will make them want to be active participants when they are old enough to vote."
Again, nothing major with the poll. Kids are asked all day what their preferences are. Green slime beat out orange slime in a prior poll.

But to listen to Cavuto, you'd think this signalled a turning point for the McCain campaign. He even bought on a child psychologist to breakdown the meaning of the slim 2pt Obama margin of victory, as if to suggest that preteens more interested in Hannah Montana than the Senator of Montana would have a freakin' clue what's going on.

The segment concluded by trying to draw a parallel between the very minor "slippage" of the Obama campaign in the latest polls in a few states, and a rising sentiment among voters that McCain was on the way back.

If that doesn't sound nuckin' futs to you, then perhaps you've already drank the GOP Kool Aid.

Sorry, I know this was silly, but it was so darned stoopid I couldn't resist. Somebody get me a Twitter account!

Off to pickup the young AverageOne.

Question: Does anyone consider Fox News an even remotely credible news source?

Senator Barack Obama Declared the Winner in Nickelodeon's Biggest 'Kids' Vote' Ever [WSJ]

[1] Completely unrelated note: I wonder how much the national voluntary unemployment rate has gone up since MSNBC hired Tamron Hall for their 9am newscast. Wowzers!

Roland Martin Is Crying In His Cereal.

So, I'm watching CNN the other night, and I see the outline of a familiar face on the chyron. Could it be? Is that really? Hey, what the heck!?!?

The latest entrant into the TV comedy business is ... CNN? The news network announced Wednesday that it's starting a show with comedian D.L. Hughley. Tentatively titled "D.L. Hughley Breaks the News," it will air live at 10 p.m. Saturdays and replay 24 hours later. The show will debut Oct. 25.

Hughley describes it as a news-oriented talk show — more like David Letterman's and Jay Leno's program than Jon Stewart's. It will air before a live audience from CNN's New York studio.

Jon Klein, CNN U.S. president, said he took note of Hughley when the comic made an appearance on Glenn Beck's CNN Headline News show last year. Hughley, one of the four "Original Kings of Comedy," had a four-year run as the star of his own ABC sitcom and his own late-night show for Comedy Central.

Hughley was shopping his prospective one-hour show to two other networks when Klein called his agent to express interest.

Comedy on news networks — planned comedy, that is — is unusual but not unprecedented. Fox News Channel aired the "Half Hour News Hour," but production stopped in 2007. CNN International, seen outside of the United States, airs reruns of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show."

"The audience that gets so much of its news from comedians these days clearly has no problem with that," Klein said.

Klein said CNN drew a record high audience for cable television among the youthful 18-to-49-year-old audience during the second presidential debate, so the network wants to keep those young viewers engaged. News viewership tends to skew old, an audience less valuable to advertisers.

As for setting limits on Hughley, Klein said, "Anything goes."

"It's a black guy and a Jewish producer, so we will stand out like `Mississippi Burning,'" he said.
Okay, I sorta get this. CNN watches the success of shows like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and thinks they've gotta get in on that action. Cool. But c'mon, D.L. Hughley? I haven't seen such a consistently mediocre black man keep getting jobs like this since Lenny Wilkens. Clearly, I need Darryl Lynn's agent.

I'm not saying Hughley isn't funny. His early days of Comic View were classic. And for the record, his standup career is far more successful than anything Stewart did pre-Daily Show.

But DL just doesn't seem to have the gravitas to pull this off. His shortlived Comedy Central talk show, Weekends At The DL, was atrocious. His appearances on shows like Real Time With Bill Maher and The Glenn Beck Show don't give me the impression that this cat is extremely knowledgeable when it comes to politricks.

Awww hell, who am I kidding!?! I still can't get over this clip.

Is it wrong for me to still be upset about that "nappy headed hoes" comment more than a year after the fact? Prolly not, but I'm sorry, I just cannot get over that. That sh*t was a straight up James T. Harris b*tch move in my book.

I wonder how dude could go home and look his wife and daughter in the eyes after that bullsh*t.

I prolly won't watch this show, so I guess I shouldn't bash it. Could it possibly be any worse than Chocolate News or The Tony Rock Project? Even though I wished CNN's affirmative action hire had been Roland Martin instead, I guess I should just be happy to see black men working, no matter how mediocre the product.

Nah. Bump that.

If you wanna support a black man on TeeVee, peep BET's slept on Somebodies. Now that's comedy.

Screw DL Hughley. A true Nappy Headed Hoe!

Question: Will you watch DL Hughley's show on CNN? Have you gotten over that whole Nappy Headed Hoes comment or am I just being too damn sensitive as usual?

CNN to start weekend comedy show with D.L. Hughley [AP]