My quest to visit all 48 contiguous states continues this week, as I find myself far from home in a lonely hotel room down by the river. I'm here in The First State, the home of Joe Biden and Joe Flacco, the blink-and-you-missed-it I-95 rest stop otherwise known as Delaware.
Truth be known, I actually lived here in Delaware briefly in the mid-90's when I interned at a large financial institution to remain undisclosed. I liked it here, although the state's biggest advantages are it's lack of sales taxes and proximity to major East Coast cities like NYC, Philly, DC, and B'More. Delaware itself? Meh.
Still, my brief summer here taught me a lesson I would carry with me for the rest of my professional life: Do not evar, evar, evar, under any set of bizarre circumstances, evar date a co-worker!!!
I'm married, and long since off the market, so I'll spare ya'll all the drama. Besides, my wife reads this site from time to time, and I don't wanna have that convo once I get back to DC. But let's just say I learned my lesson abundantly.
Forgive my total and complete lack of context, but I'd like to hear your opinions on this issue.
Question: Is it okay to date a coworker? Do you have any particularly bad experiences you'd like to share with the rest of AverageNation™?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
WorkPlace 101: The Office Romance.
Tags Popped: Workplace 101
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I've read a few articles that have concluded that a little office romance is good for the workplace.
The articles didn't say anything about whether it was good if those in the work place are married.
Personally, I never considered dating those I worked with. I can't think of anything more lethal, despite the occasional article touting it.
Also, I had customers who came on to me, and no I never gave myself over to such temptation--not for God, country, or the corporation.
Don't do it. Don't ever do it. Too much at risk. A trainer once told me, "Why lose $__________ a year for a piece of ass?"
He was right.
I don't care if she got a booty like all outside, don't do it.
Plus, you can believe that he/she will go back and tell all of your business to everyone else at work.
Marcus + Boomerang = GIGANTIC FAIL.
And you don't even get Halle Berry as a parting gift.
EG
i'm a delaware girl -- born and raised in wilmington. like i tell people, it's a decent place to raise a family, but for some young people it would benefit them greatly to get out and live somewhere else at least once (even if they decide to come back). the young black professional scene was pretty blah blah not too long ago, but it has been picking up due in large part to grad/alumni chapters of BGLO events/activities in the state.
to answer your questions: i don't think it is okay to date a co-worker. too much unecessary drama if you ask me. i've had a few bad experience when someone has attempted to talk to me, which is why it never went any further than that.
I'm not saying it's ideal to try and find love in the office, but when you get to a certain age it's getting harder to meet with new interesting people and possible partners. I myself didn't start college right away after high school, I worked and saved money for two years and then travelled for two years, so I'm not in the job thing yet and I already married my college sweetheart, but my friends are in that position and I can see how hard it is for them to meet nice men. You come to the age where you just don't want to hang around in bars anymore and the supply of new people you used to meet in college is gone. It could work if you're in different departments and neither of you is in a postion of power with regards to the other.
There's always Michelle and Barack... She was assigned to show him the ropes at the law firm. Seemed to work for them.
A few years ago I swooped in on a woman who worked for one of my clients only to find out the VP of development (married) also had designs on her and was not pleased.
Needless to say mess/drama occured and suddenly, the rest of my project got done offsite with unprecedented remote access. Nice..
She got fired. Luckily she got hired on somewhere else next week.
So there you have it. It doesnt make a difference if your a vendor or a worker. Most of the time, it doesnt work.
Right Kwame Kilpatrick?
I think it's fine, once the persons involved act professionally and discreetly, and don't bring any drama to the workplace. Where I work, the hours are long and many people don't get to have much of a social life outside of work. Two of my co-workers dated for a long time and it was never a problem. They are now both managers and recently got married.
Sometimes I forget they are married to each other, because they are always so professional. Their offices are just a few doors away from each other, but I hardly see them in each other's offices. I think they even come to work in separate cars. There are also a few other couples currently dating in my department, but from what I observe it is not a problem and they seem to handle themselves quite discreetly.
I agree with Nia. As adults we spend most of our lives at work. So not dating at work is pretty unrealistic. Can a workplace romance go bad? Of course. But any romance can go bad.
Having a strict rule of not dating at work is like saying you shouldn't date at school. School and work occupy most of our time throughout our lives.
So as adults we just have to learn to be very careful if dating at work. My policy is to try not to date anyone at work that I have to work closely with, other than that why not.
It all depends on the people and the situation. Boss and employee, not too good. Same level coworkers, could be ok depending on their attitudes and level of maturity. There are great examples against it and examples where it shouldn't be a problem. I have little personal experience on it. He was a coworker but worked under a different manager and we were a couple before we worked together. We didn't ride into work together either. My manager knew, which is why it might not be a good thing, all in the business. But she didn't have a problem with it. His manager didn't know until after he was hired, but by then it didn't matter and we were professional.
My boss and his secretary are getting married. you would never know they are together because he is not in the office all the time and when he is here they are very professional
@eg
She go't booty like all outside.....that's like kryptonite for me bruh. What you are asking a brother to do is nearly impossible.
Well not for me cause I have the best defense for such things like that.....a nosey wife. Yep I said it and I've told her that personally. She is nosey as HELL. But hey, don't nothing go down in my house. Even if I wanted to pursue an inter-office fling that shit would get stamped out before it had a chance to even bud.
Quoting 'The R' - I don't see nothing wrong with a little bit of (office) bump-n-grind...
But Seriously, I think dating someone from the office is ok. Sure there are risks and potential drama but I haven't been in a relationship yet that didn't carry those same potential risks. Also, I value an opportunity to find happiness and some fun over the potential of some sh*t jumpin off.
Personally, I have dated women I worked with since I started working back in 1990. And while I didn't make a serious love connections, I didn't have (much) drama either. Then again, I am from Detroit and I started taking Pimps Up Hoes Down classes starting in the 3rd Grade!!! JOKING
Perhaps more office relationships are needed. I mean, most of the office I've worked in had some level of undercurrent tension. Maybe a little less caution and a little more office Hott Butt Naked will make the work place much more tolerable.
@cjames:
I totally understand the weakness against a 40 inch ass. It's like Tony Stark & liquor...Robocop & Directive 4...LL Cool J and Chap Stick.
It's such a challenging thing NOT to be hypnotized.
@huntdaddy:
Pimps Up, Hoes Down was a *CLASSIC* documentary. My wife has seen both this and "Hookers & Johns."
Mr. Whitefolks, Pimpin Ken, and SNOOKY~! are the shiznit. I'm still laughing at Don "Magic" Juan totally butchering the word "criteria" at the playas ball.
'KWY-TURR-IA!'
I remember trying to contain my laughter when I asked a Barnes & Noble clerk about the "From Pimpstick to Pulpit" book by Don Juan.
EG
I would never consider dating anyone I work with. Period. IMO, it'a a recipe for disaster. Even if the persons involved are professional about it, it's always grist for the political machine or rumour mill.
I dread going to meetings, conventions,& company events with the majority of the people I work with, so I sure as hell wouldn't be interested in dating any of them.
I think you can date at work BUT you gotta know yourself. If youse the kinda chick who needs a lot of drama and whatnot going on, you prolly shouldn't shit where you eat.
But if you can be discreet and understand that it might not work out and then you may have to watch that same person dating someone else in the workplace...then go for it.
I wouldn't do it though, but that's just me.
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