Monday, August 11, 2008

That's Why We Got Haterz, That's Why We Got Haterz!

Any day now, Rielle Hunter is going to get some book deal, or the inevitable 60 Minutes interview where she tells all the intimate and embarrassing details of her dalliance with Johnny "Love Lips" Edwards. I'm sure she'll tell about some weird fetish, like maybe how she had him make weird siren sounds while he chased her around the bedroom.[1] And the Edwards' family's moment of shame will extend another 15 minutes while we all gawk and shake out heads simultaneously, forgetting that there's a real wife and kids somewhere hurting behind this very special episode of Maury.

"I don't know if that picture is me... I don't know who that baby is.... do you know how many pictures of me holding babies have been taken?.... I have no idea.... I've never paid a dime of money... that is a lie... I know absolutely nothing... I had nothing to do with any money being paid... I don't know sh*t!!!"

Yeah, you know dat' bama is lyin' through his teeth and so do I. But leave it up to the Clintons to try and find a way to profit from another man's misfortune.

Hillary Clinton would be the Democrats' White House nominee today if former presidential hopeful John Edwards had come clean earlier about an extra-marital affair, a top aide to Clinton believes.

"I believe we would have won Iowa, and Clinton today would therefore have been the nominee," Howard Wolfson, who was the combative communications director for Clinton's doomed campaign, told

In an interview released Monday, Wolfson also said that Clinton's campaign knew about the affair but kept quiet.

"Any of the campaigns that would have tried to push that would have been burned by it," he said.

Wolfson insisted that Edwards voters in Iowa, whose presidential caucuses kicked off the 2008 race in early January, would have been behind Clinton rather than Barack Obama.

"Our voters and Edwards' voters were the same people," he said, citing internal polling by the Clinton campaign.

"They were older, pro-union. Not all, but maybe two-thirds of them would have been for us and we would have barely beaten Obama."
Maybe Wolfson is right. I guess if you look at it in stark racial terms, it's possible that Clinton might have finished better than dead freakin' last (aka: 3rd) had Johnny Boy's Love Child been outted sooner. But then again, had there been no Monica Lewinsky, there might be no Senator Clinton. And if my Dad was born with a vagina...

Seriously, how full of jealousy and unbridled hatred must you be to still keep trying to upstage your party's nominee months after the fact? Reality is, you lost. Period. Patriots fans could say that had David Tyree dropped that pass, the would have finished a perfect 19-0. China can say that had Lebron and D-Wade pulled some hamstrings in warmups, they might have won yesterday. All of these things are hypothetical of course. And hypothetical isn't reality.

Reality is, Hillary lost because she ran a lousy campaign, sorta like the decidedly lackluster campaign Obama's running himself right about now. Not that you asked for my opinion, but I'm just sayin'. The sooner her supporters stop toying with revisionist history and get some psychological counseling, the sooner we can all move on.

It is just me, or does anyone else think this explosion of Clinton related stories in recent days is their way of hijacking Obama's coming out party in Denver later this month? Bill Clinton somehow finagled found his way on the schedule of speakers, and he'll no doubt have some sideways comment about Obama (as opposed to simply praising his accomplishment) that will steal Barry's headlines. You know it, I know it, Barry knows it.

So, since Barry won't (or simply can't?) say it himself, I dedicate this very special triple play to The First Black President and his lovely spouse. Cop the headphones first.

Question: Is Howard Wolfson's "Love Lips" theory correct or is he in dire need of counseling? What flavor of HaterAde™ are the Clintons sippin' this week? Had Obama lost, do you think he and his supporters would have held a grudge for this long after the fact?

Edwards sex lie cost Clinton the nomination: former aide [AP]

[1] Get it? Please tell me you get it. It took me an hour to come up with that one.

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