Thursday, August 7, 2008

Negotiating With Terrorists (aka: Favre Wins, We All Lose)

So imagine this. After 30 years at a company, you decide to finally retire. You've been an exemplary worker the entire time, setting new records for employee of the month and whatnot. After waffling about retiring year after year, you finally accept your gold watch, and endure a tear-filled going away lunch at Carrabba's. Everyone wishes you well in your second life. You'll volunteer more. You'll see your grandkids every weekend. You might even figure out how to use a Nintendo Wii.

And finally, after 2 months of sitting at home in your draws watching Judge Mathis all day, it hits you: you wanna work again.

So, you go back to your old employer and demand your old job back. And they tell you, nicely might I add, that your job has already been given to a younger person and they're moving on. You're thanked again for your years of service and asked, nicely might I add, to leave.

Then you pull out an AK-47, shoot a few security guards, and yell out "If I ain't workin' in this mofo, ain't nobody workin'!". You make the guards you didn't kill lock all the doors, then open a trenchcoat to reveal that you're strapped with dynamite.

You then proceed to hold company management, human resources, and the mailroom dudes who used to procure your weed and bootleg DVDs hostage for the next month, threatening to "blow this whole mofo up" if they don't give you your job back. The media covers this event and broadcasts it live to the world minute by minute. Management offers you an even greater severance package, in exchange for simply retiring and allowing them to move on, but you persist.

Finally, after a 30 day standoff, management caves in to your demands, and appoints you CEO of their East Coast subsidiary. And the media anoints you the new King Of All Whites, instantly forgetting that you've essentially held people hostage for the past three years as well as being a complete and total douchebag.

Yep, it must be great to be Brett Favre. What a friggin' country!

Enjoy New Jersey D-Bag #4.

Question: Is there any way in Holy Hades a black athlete could have pulled off this sorta stunt and not been demonized?

Jets set for Brett: Packers legend headed to New York [ESPN]

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