Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Shaq Rips Kobe A New One. Cops Rip Shaq A Newer One.

So much for that whole Bill Russell/MLK Day truce. I knew that was nothing more than league mandated spin in the first place.

[Scene: NBA Commissioner David Stern meets with Shaq and Kobe Bean in a windowless room somewhere in Santa Monica, circa January 06'.]

Stern: "Guys, I called you here today to speak league business. This petty beef of yours has gone on long enough. It's time to end it."

Shaq (pointing at Kobe): "He started it first."

Kobe: "I was scared. The whole Cordillera thing. What else was I s'posed to do?"

"You violated Man Law #32! Never snitch on another man's Johnson!"

Kobe: "Are you tryin' to tell me you never paid women off, Shaq! What about Superhead, huh? She wrote a whole chapter about you!"

Shaq: "See Man Law #32!"

Kobe: "Answer the question!"

Shaq: "See Man Law #32!"


Stern: "Enough! We milked this whole feud for all it's worth. Ratings for Heat/Lakers are sagging. Kobe, until you can drag your team into the playoffs, this thing's over!"

Kobe: "Come on, man!"

Stern: "Capiche! I'll hear no more of it! You'll embrace at halfcourt before the game and afterward you'll tell reporters Bill Russell had something to do with this."

Kobe and Shaq (puzzled): "Bill Russell? Why you gotta drag him into this?"

Stern: "Rebb'n Al was asking for too much. And besides, I know some things about Russell that would make you two chumps blush."

Kobe and Shaq (suddenly interested): "Word? What?"

Stern: "See Man Law #6."

[And.. scene]

So, while this latest outburst of Extreme Niggadom from Shaq Diesel is entertaining, I sure hope it's not surprising to anyone. Enjoy Responsibly.

And by Responsibly, I mean with earphones.

"Kobe How My @@@ Taste!"

I was speechless, but apparently Shaq's summer employer wasn't.

Shaquille O’Neal will lose his special deputy’s badge in Maricopa County because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center’s use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a special deputy in 2006 and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial posse later that year.

“I want his two badges back,” Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they’re fired. I don’t condone this type of racial conduct.”

Shaq was seen in a video posted on the celebrity news and gossip Web site rapping that “Kobe couldn’t do without me.” O’Neal skewers the Lakers’ star, with whom he won three straight NBA titles from 2000-2002 while with Los Angeles, for not being able to win a championship without him.

“I was freestyling. That’s all. It was all done in fun. Nothing serious whatsoever,” O’Neal told Monday. A call to the Suns on Tuesday seeking comment from O’Neal was referred to his public relations firm, which didn’t immediately respond.
Double speechless. It wasn't that deep. Was it?

Question: Should Shaq have lost his "fake cop" gig over this nonsense? Did you really ever believe there was a Kobe/Shaq truce in the first place?

Shaq gets slapped by sheriff for rap about Bryant [Yahoo!]

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