Tuesday, January 8, 2008

They Don't Dance No Mo'

A few days ago, I went with some friends to watch my Washington Wizards completely emasculate the Seattle SuperSonics. Like all sporting venues, Verizon Center has peculiar promotions during timeouts to distract you from the fact that you just dropped $125 to watch two losing teams keep you moderately entertained. One particular thing they seem to do at every game is The Wizards DanceCam, where they scour the crowd for whomever can do the silliest jig. This is usually whimsical fun (although a recent incident in Memphis was anything but), as middle aged accountants jump up doing their best "wash the clothes" dance. Even though "Crank Dat' Soulja Boy" is soooo 07', it still gets a nice enough crowd response and numerous kids (and parents) jumped up and did their best impression. Never mind the fact that this ode to ejaculation is being pumped in front of 20,000 spectators on Kid's Day.

Still, as I watched kid after kid 'Crank Dat', it made me ponder: Why exactly are dances so damn difficult nowadays?

I'll confess, while I don't have two left feet like Barack Obama, I'm also no Shabba-Doo (yes, I just severely dated myself). Heck, I still don't know how to do the "new" Electric Slide, and that jawn's been out like 20 years now. I just learned how to Crip-Walk last year. So, while I'm pretty proficient with the basic two step (which nevar goes out of style), watching AverageMentee do stuff like Batman That Hoe! and Aunt Jackie makes me wince.

When I was a youngin', the dances were real easy. There was The Reebok. The Wop. The Cabbage Patch. The Pee Wee Herman. The Runnin' Man. The Prep. All these dances were simple 2-3 steps or arm/hand motions. Even a somewhat uncoordinated pre-tween like me could pick them up in a jiffy.

Today's dances? Not so much. I'd hate to be a 7th grader at a middle school dance in 08'. It wouldn't be pretty.

I'm sure I sound like an old head to some of my younger, more rhythmically blessed readers and these dances obviously aren't for my demographic, but seriously, why it gotta be like that?

The Aunt Jackie

The Cupid Shuffle

The Soulja Boy

Damn, is it just me, or am I just gettin' old?

I won't even get started about the music itself. That's a tired subject in and of itself.

And since we're on the topic, I (obviously) don't get out much, so I must ask: Are grown folks (30+) actually doing these dances when they are played in the club? If so, is this grounds for AB issuing the standard "kill yourself" or simple mindless adult fun?

Am I right, or am I right?

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