Thursday, October 25, 2007

AverageBro Is A SellOut

It's no secret that we're in the midst of an economic downturn. The Dow is goin' down faster than Karrine Steffans. Funding the Iraq War on credit cards is gonna leave us indebted to China forevar. Diddy is paying damn near a quarter mill a month in child support. These are lean times, folks.

So, since AverageBaby is eating like a linebacker and the Day Job feigns deafness at the mere mention of the word "raise", I figured I'd better find a legit side hustle to make up for my continually shrinking monthly allowance.

I could lie to you folks and tell you that I'm now hustling affordable T-Shirts, coffee mugs, and other kewl stuff at The All-New Store™ to raise money for the Jena Six Defense Fund, but those kids already have enough loot. I could also tell you I'm going to use the proceeds of these lovely shirts (including special AverageSis™ designs just for the ladies) to benefit the various community outreach organizations I'm a part of. I could say the money from those nifty mousepads is going to save the starvin' chill'rens in Africa, but that too would be misleading.

Reality is, I just want your money. Period.

How else am I supposed to support my family and cop that new pair of Stephon Marbury sneakers I've had on layaway since the 05-06' NBA season? How else am I supposed to get my daily occasional Jamba Juice fix? What do ya'll want me to do, get a weekend job pushing carts at Target to pickup the slack? Flood this site with all kinds of banner and pop-under ads? I don't wanna have to take it there.

Freedom ain't free, and neither are legal music downloads. Help me stay on the right side of the law by copping an item or three so I don't have to take penitentiary chances to keep bringing you the world famous blend of wit and wisdom that made the Black Weblog Awards' "Blog To Watch".

Hurry, operators are standing by.

[Editor's Note: In case you were wondering if I've lost my black mind, the proceeding message was indeed sprinkled with satire. I am not broke, I can control my JambaJuice urges, and I already got the Starbury's off layaway just last week. But make no mistake: I do want your money. Hit up the store and cop somethin'.]

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