Saturday, May 19, 2007

White People Can Make Money Off Anything!!!

I've always had this crazy theory, and since I've been smacked with a boatload of evidence in recent weeks, I gotta just go ahead and throw this out there...

White People Can Make Money Off Anything!!!

Now, before my Caucasian brothers (and I know you're reading) get all bent outta shape, let me quickly note that this is a compliment of the highest regard. I'm not picking fun here, just stating the facts.

Here's why.

1. White People Are "Experts" At Everything - Just watch 20/20, or Dateline, or heck, anything. There is always a white person who is an "expert", regardless of how mundane or irrelevant the subject. If someone writes a book about it, it's suddenly not just relevant, it's a nation-wide epidemic. John Stossel's "Myths, Lies, and Downright Stupidity" episodes are the ultimate circle jerk of so called "experts" who with one soundbite laden interview, can have you disregard what your mama n'em have told you to accept as common sense forever. BTW, is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that black people can only be experts when it comes to "being black" and related issues. Witness the proliferation of brown faces on the cable news circuit in the aftermath of Imus, and the subsequent re-whitening in weeks since. My man, Jimi Izrael nailed this one on the head.

2. White People Can Sell Shit To Other White People That Nobody Else Would Ever Consider Selling - Case in point, I'm listening to the radio (AM of course) this morning, and they're talking to some d-bag who invented a crustless pizza because he for some odd reason can no longer digest bread. No, seriously. Not only that, but he's makin' a killin'. Oxygen bars? Shit, bottled water! Stupid, mostly useless stuff, but somebody's gettin' pizzaid.

3. White People Make Tax Laws That Help Other White People Make And Keep Money - Easy enough to understand.

Maybe I'm a bit jealous. AverageBro had a bang-up idea a few years ago, but spent too much time clubbin' and being young. Some white dude stole the idea. He is likely in Hawaii right now. I'm blogging.

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